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Brad Tuck May 2017
my body was shaking as you explained to me why we shouldn't talk anymore. i stopped listening at some point and i thought back to the night where we slept on an air mattress that was deflating the more that we moved. it was deflating the longer we stayed, but we figured it was more comfortable than sleeping on the floor. i thought back to the morning where you wouldn't let me walk out your front door, because you couldn't help but to try to improve the last kiss. you couldn't help but to try to improve the last time we'd see each other before this conversation. i thought back to the night we first met. you were sitting in an empty room adjacent to where people you were not familiar with were taking up too much space. i was afraid to enter your space. i was afraid to introduce myself. i was afraid. im still afraid. im afraid that all these memories are going to become feelings that i wish i could have back. i realize that they already have. you say my name. i realize i haven't said a word in several minutes, and i try my best to recall what you've said, and i can't. i say "that may be the best thing." You tell me that you're glad i think that way too. you walk away, and that's the last time ive seen you since.
i want to go back.
In the cell
  Twenty years old
   My time is almost up
    And they will put me to sleep
     Sentenced to death by a system
      Can't really say I'm innocent
     Cause I definitely know I'm not
    Can't really say I didn't mean it
   Cause I did I really did
  They hurt me I hurt them
Now I will die
Brad Tuck May 2016
I still imagine you lying next to me on occassion. I don't picture you as you were, rather how I imagine you now. Happier, Healthier, your freckles starting to bloom like they always do this time of year.

I still imagine you lying in the back seat of my car. Now that space is occupied by cameras that I wish I could take pictures of you with, but I'll likely never see your negatives develop again.

I still imagine my parents asking about you, when they'll see you again. Now your name hasn't been spoken in months and all I want is to hear it from somebody besides myself.

I still imagine you waiting for me in my bed sometimes. Now your place has been taken by countless people, but I wish they're you every single time.

I wish it was you.
this isn't what i expected.
Brad Tuck Jan 2016
I drove past the place where we first met today.
I felt cold and fragile. I guess nothing has changed.
The discomfort overwhelmed my basic senses, and I couldn't see straight.
I pulled over to gather myself, I found it difficult to breathe
The past eight months has been denial personified, a constant false assurance that everything is alright and that I'm happy for you.
Happy that you're comfortable in life, but I'm still running away from mine.
Happy.
I'm happy.
Brad Tuck Jul 2014
It's nights like these that I miss you the most. I met you on a night like this, and I pretty much automatically knew that you were going to change my life. And you did. Forever. I'm never going to be the same. Since I met you, or since I lost you. I just wish I could see you one more time, your smile, hear your laugh, and just, touch you. Feel the energy that I felt back then. But it'll never be the same. You were my best friend, and I will never, ever forget you. It's been so hard since you've been gone, but I've met some people. Some really incredible people. I just wish I could share the feelings that they give me with you. I wanted to share my entire life with you, but I didn't have the chance to. You left too fast, too soon. It was too hard for me to talk about for the longest time, but I met people. These amazing people that opened me up and brought the things that you brought out of me. I wish to absolute God that you could meet all of them. They're so amazing, they really are. And things are going so well right now and I just wish that I could share all the good things and all the bad things with you. I wish you could be here so I could be there for you. I wish you were still here, I really do. I wish that you would've called me. But I understand how hard it is. I could've been there for **** sakes! I could have helped! And you could still be here and we could share our lives as best friends till the end together! I think about you every single day. It's been so hard without you. The good things just don't seem as good anymore. And the bad things seem worse. As much as it absolutely kills me, I'll never know why you did it. I'll never get the chance to talk to you or say goodbye to you or hello or anything. I shared a short time with you, but it meant absolutely everything to me. Sometimes, I can feel you there, I can hear your voice and laugh in my head. But at the same time, I can feel the presence that isn't there. There will always be a huge part of me missing. But what you gave me, also what you took away from me, I will love and cherish forever. I miss you, and, I love you.
Brad Tuck Jul 2014
The scars on your arm
Don't define who you are
The person that I see
The person that youll be
So don't you listen
To what they say
If you need me I'll be here everyday

— The End —