There's a part of me that wants to believe that the world changes when the sun finally slips out of the sky.

Maybe the brain releases some kind of chemical that makes us more aware and appreciative of the world, allowing us to fall in love with the way the stars mimic the flickering in our eyes and shine even brighter than our sun ever could.

Maybe the world falls silent because it's striving to listen to every breath that you take. It always sounded like a machine to me, almost like dark waves lapping against the battered shore. A monotone rhythm, so consistent that nobody listens after a while.

But I will always listen. You are so much like the ocean. Deep, vast, with so many unexplored crevices hiding beneath the sweet surface. Those who hear the sea everyday may not appreciate it's whispers, but I hang on to every syllable.

I wasn't prepared for your
kind of love. It made my
hands burn and my teeth
throb and my chest could
never fill all the way with
your smell- like cigarettes
and toothpaste and old
spice- and sometimes I
think I can feel you but
I'm always
      always
      always wrong and it's
never you. And I think
maybe that's okay.

I've been writing the same tired words
weary from forever trying to explain you
to the same endless song
repeating itself to me in your every kiss
ever since we started this game that we play
of me loving you
with a fondness that still remembers you, pure
loving you with depth that will always catch your falls
and you always pulling away from me
pushing me away
taking a needed piece of me each time you stray
making it a little harder to heal
making it a little scarier to feel
a little harder to keep hope in a new start
making me a little harder in the heart
when all I need from you, is all of you, just one time
because you would never want to leave the embrace
of a best friend kept in a lover's mask with a poet's need for only you
if you would just look into my eyes
that see only your beauty, blind to your scars
what you'd see would tell you
that to me you are perfectly imperfect

but the song repeats and somehow all my words fail me
in forever trying to win you, to charm you, to keep you
and the infinite sadness that is loving you
burns me again as I pull it's flame even closer
trying to make you mine at last
in every word I say all you have to hear is the truth
if you ever want to believe in love again, believe now
we are the proof

because every time we lay down together
and I wake up alone
I crack a little deeper, I become a little more fragile
I lose a little more I haven't got left to give
I turn a paler shade of ghost
and the crime is never punished
because you never stay to see
that you're killing the one person who loves you most
with every meaningless kiss you give me

I die a little
with each meaningless kiss

I don’t know if I have enough heart left to give to anyone else in sharing I’m always
back at the start just trying to be myself and pretend I’m caring and it’s glaring me in
the face this stalled pace                       at which I’m                      crawling through my
own life trying not to                                    cringe                                 from the deep cuts of
the knife that you all                                                                                       call love it all feels
to me like a clifftop                                                                                            kiss goodbye with
a hard shove and                                                                                                 from where I
stand it makes me                                                                                                 wonder if I
misunderstand it                                                                                                  what I thought
was the right way                                                                                               that I should but
apparently I really                                                                                             misunderstood
and it all makes me                                                                                         beg and cry out to
everyone in this part                                  please save my heart        there’s so little  left of
the me that could ever                                                                           believe couldn’t this
god ****** world just                                                                      once let me keep a little
piece all I ask of this terrible                                                           wretched ******* lifetime
is a life that’s actually all mine                                                   let me build something and
protect it and keep it safe as my                                          own beautiful charm safe from
the chaos and the harm am I worth                              so little do I count for so much less
that I should endure my heart being                      belittled and beaten under this much
stress I don’t even know anymore how to       trust and the machine that has become
my day to day survival is so filthy with rust I just want to feel like I am a human being
with some worth and knowing deep down that I never will be, is the very worst.

I want another first kiss
for every minute with you I've missed
for every single past time we could have been each others only tryst
the very first, the very first time that love would exist and persist

I've searched for you in every line on every page of every poem I've ever written
in every mile since leaving home in every day of life I've roamed and never forgiven
over every mountain I've crawled and in every depth of every dark sea
I've felt you like a heartbeat and I couldn't breathe or be whole without you defining me

you are my religion in every bright hope it promises
even with all of doubt's dominance
the struggle will never again seem unbelievably ominous
if I could just have your hand regardless of any consequence

I was created to chase you to the ends of this flat earth
to show you and prove to you what true love is worth
I am only worth half of what you're meant to be
and I must show you what the other half shines like inside of me

please listen to a man on his knees
I would never lie and ask you to believe in belief
just see that you love me so deeply too
there is only the thought of one in combining us two

the sun never finds it's way up my sky without your smile
there is no heart wrenching pain too rough in these trials
if you come to feel the same things that I know to be true
that there is never self there is only me and you

oh god can you even breathe without me?
doesn't your soul remember?
that all that being alive could ever render
is just a peace here in it's splendor without a temper and so glad to surrender

I will kiss your lips and love your laugh and crave your essence
and never feel content without your presence
and always watch every doorway everywhere we visit for you entrance
and read every whisper on your skin for every message

no one loves as deeply as I do and every thought you have you know it to be true
search for me
because we deserve to feel this
I ache and I ache but I am so happy just to search for you

I will find you and I will hold you so close that skin won't just touch it will shiver
I will fill your heart's fissures and you will remember
that all a soul is good for is finding it's other half
and no one has ever been so adored as how I adore your perfect face and sweet laugh

I love you more than I have the words to give you
and that makes a poet's love the truest truth