I may not be gifted.

But I have this insatiable urge to be great, magnificent, and talented.

I want to inspire awe.

I want to impress not only my peers,

but most importantly myself.




I was given an amazing opportunity

to attend a superb university.

While I believe I lucked out in my admission,

I believe a blessed epoch in my life

has just begun.



I write this poem as a promise for the future.

This goal I have

is not an easy task.

It will require years

of incredibly hard work and dedication.



I will work to achieve this.

Even if I need to stay up all night and day

testing the limits of my mind,

it will all be worth it when I can look back and say:


I did it.

I met a genius on the train
today
about 6 years old,
he sat beside me
and as the train
ran down along the coast
we came to the ocean
and then he looked at me
and said,
it's not pretty.

it was the first time I'd
realized
that.

little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

a girlfriend came in
built me a bed
scrubbed and waxed the kitchen floor
scrubbed the walls
vacuumed
cleaned the toilet
the bathtub
scrubbed the bathroom floor
and cut my toenails and
my hair.
then
all on the same day
the plumber came and fixed the kitchen faucet
and the toilet
and the gas man fixed the heater
and the phone man fixed the phone.
noe I sit in all this perfection.
it is quiet.
I have broken off with all 3 of my girlfriends.
I felt better when everything was in
disorder.
it will take me some months to get back to normal:
I can't even find a roach to commune with.
I have lost my rythm.
I can't sleep.
I can't eat.
I have been robbed of
my filth.

Head up, stay strong, fake a smile, move on,
they always said,
No one will see a broken spirit.

They were wrong.

Your eyes saw past it all.

The way your eyes loved my soul
wasn't in vain or vanity.
They didn't see the complex masks
or the pounds of makeup --
Your eyes saw me in all my simplicity.
You dove into the darkness of my eyes
and found this small broken light --
some strange thing you called a *soul.
Your eyes loved that shattered light --
they held it with kind words and soothing embraces.

I felt like The Golden Girl turned inside out:
a face comprised of dullness and imperfection,
a soul of great beauty and grace.
With words, smiles, and touch,
you convinced me to stay in my skin,
but for once in my insipid life,
my soul felt alive and bright.
No longer would I battle the darkness,
no longer would I be afraid of the monsters inside.
Your eyes struck the match that ignited my soul again.

I remember the advice
I remember every word
Grandad sat me down and said
Kids should be seen,  not heard
Always turn the other cheek
Unless he hits you first
I'll always wash your mouth with soap
If I find out you've cursed
Always treat folks with respect
Be polite and never smoke
Always use good manners
And don't tell ***** jokes

He smiled when he said this
A little twinkle in his eyes
Don't believe a word of these
They're all confounded lies

No one learns a thing at all
By doing what they're told
I'm talking from experience
Listen son...I'm old

Read the good book daily
But, just use it as a guide
Remember, they're just stories
Not hard rules to abide

Grandad always had a drink
and his pipe was always full
He'd always wink at me
When he was spouting bull

Rules are to be broken
That's just how you learn
Respect is not a given
It's something that you earn

He'd let me sip a little beer
And sometimes smoke the pipe
But, he always took his hanky out
And gave them both a wipe

One thing Grandad always said to me
You always must be clean
People care about where you're going
They don't care where you've been

Grandad gave advice for free
Not the same as mum and dad
The advice I got from granddad
was the best I ever had

I'm almost 84 now
And I'm still breaking all those rules
I've found that those who never did
Ended up a bunch of fools

Remember the good book is for guidance
They're just stories someone told
You can learn more stuff if you listen
To someone who's grown old.

he spoke to me
on the phone
last night

it gave me a fright
the anxiety was back
you sounded so calm
left me feeling numb

I heard your lips say
ever so gently
that you missed me

we spoke for hours
then I heard her voice
you said you had to go
and we'd talk tomorrow
I replied a short goodbye
and today at 9
you sent me a text
I guess I smiled

There's a secret within me
Writhing to be free
Sometimes it slips out
In wisps of whispers
and I clamber to pull it back
To retrieve the slivers before
Someone realizes what the
Whispers entail

There's a secret within me
Its too much to hold
But its too much to let out
So I let it gnaw at my insides
Pierce my heart
And drain me of what
Might've been a soul.

There was a secret within me
I really shouldn't have kept it
There was a secret within me
But now it's gone

So am I.