I wasn't raised as a lady
with three brothers and a father to tie me down
and beat sense into my girlish mind.
But early illuminations
brought dark realizations-
as it seems a fool is favored.

Feathered eyelids and buttered cheeks
of these I knew nothing.
Clumsy drugstore purchases
to paint a face too young into beauty.
The type they want to look at.

Braces be gone!
Glasses, so long!
Sear these curls with an iron!
So there, cursed mirror of murmurs!  
The type they want to look at!

Nay!
He says that's not enough.
And who am I to stop his hand
spidering up my skirt.
This is it.
The type they want to touch.

Wash your face off
and all the scents and spots
of whoever he was.
Some are too deep,
it seems they have seeped.
The type they want to ****.

You'll ruin your sheets
if you cry like that-
motherless infant.
You cannot always need,
you'll be the type they want to leave.

This is the last time; I am going to make excuses for quitting
This is the last time; I’ll the reason myself for leaving, leaving you there in the lonely night,lost at strange roads at 3 pm.
This is the last time, I’ll tell myself I am not good enough, and I am nothing and I death is the only solace I will ever find
This is the first truth, I am not lost, but I need to honestly work on building a bridge or I will drown in the icy waters.
This is the first time I am going to look in the mirror and smile; this is going to be a fresh start, a much needed journey to my quest.
**This is it .I am not going to back out .

My teacher comes to class as usual
She is the first to come, I mean
and she said Hello like she does everyday
and she smiles like she used to ...
What is so special about today then?
My teacher comes as usual, says Hello and smiles?
May be you guys do not notice
But I do...
Listen to the way she speaks now..
She has this weird kind of accent
Look at her smiles now...
ain't that usual friendly smiles...anymore
and she didn't ask us what we did yesterday too.....
Oh really? let's make her grin....
show your stupid face
see  what happen?
Oh No!
Our teacher had lost her teeth...

It wasn't that long ago
we were saying our good byes
but I never got to say thank you
for all the things that you taught me
most importantly what forever means
at least when it came to me and you
It means until you're tired
and don't want to play anymore
or until I'm useless
and you've got all your kicks
Was it forever until you're quit
or forever until you're bored
So tell me the truth
did you ever really care?
Did you love that boy you held?
Did you just use him like the others?
And toss him when he was spent?
Now in the end I know
that it's all for the best
We're both much happier
and moving on with our lives
but still the questions linger
like a shadow cast long before
for the life of me I'll never understand
how forever can be so brief
just until you're hurting
just until it's not easy anymore
or until someone better comes along
Is it forever until I'm broke
or forever until you let it die?
But tell me the truth
did any of it matter to you?
Or was it just another cheap thrill?
Was everything you said a lie?
Just like happily ever after and forever.

There are times where
We are sitting together
And my hand
Instinctively finds your's
Normally I do not like
Being touched at all
Never a fan of hand holding
Always quick to put distance
Between myself and another
Because the contact
Was suffocating
But with you
It is different
It feels different
And the closeness
Is not a hardship to be endured
But a joy to be celebrated
Because when I look down to find your hand in mine
I smile
And know that for once
All is okay