The past is hard to forget,
when you've gone through hell and back.
All the hurt and the pain,
you try to hide it all away.
Pushing it further and further into the back of your brain,
but bottling it all up will just drive you insane.

You start finding new ways to deal with it all,
forever living in denial.
Drinking alcohol to the numb the pain,
taking drugs as a way to escape,
escape the hell that goes on inside of you.
All the while you fall deeper and deeper into a dark and lonely place.
Self-harming for a release,
a temporary fix but the scars on your body make you feel so ashamed.
And now you're filled with self hate,
you feel so isolated because you've pushed everyone you love the most away.
it's a never ending cycle filled with hatred and pain.

Nothing is what it seems,
you may see me smile,
but you don't see the tears that I cry.
Nothing is what it seems,
you may think that I'm okay,
but you don't see the pain that I hide away.
Nothing is what it seems,
behind closed doors it's always a different story.
No one hears the cries for help,
no matter how hard you try and reach out.
Sometimes I just want to scream and shout,
but no one cares because we're all so wrapped up in our own little world.
We listen to all the gossip and forget about the facts,
the pressure of today's society has got us feeling trapped.

How do you fix a broken heart,
'cause baby right now i'm falling apart,
dead inside; feeling numb, yeah i just wanna hide,
hide away from everything 'cause i can't deal with it no more,
nah i can't deal with all this pain.
Crying my eyes out everyday I feel so weak,
and all i can think of is you,
every night and every day you're there playing in my head like a broken record,
I just wanna pull the plug,
'cause right now i feel like a fool,
yeah baby i'm a fool for you.
Everyone knows i'll always take you back,
because i'm kind hearted like that,
but the truth is baby i'm lost without you,
i love you but i hate you,
and i'm so stuck,
i don't know what the **** i'm meant to do.

What's wrong with people thinking they can be disrespectful,
men calling women ******* and hoes,
no wonder girls never feel beautiful.
Society has changed the way youngsters think,
kids look up to rappers who rap about *** and drugs,
is there any suprise that they grow up to be thugs.
They walk around with hands in their pants,
treating their girls like ******* and saying it's all for "bants"

Boys think it's a good thing to be called a player,
but when a girl sleeps around she gets called a ****; then she gets pregnant and the kid grows up not knowing their dad.
What's happened to the men who stay loyal to one girl,
treat her like a queen and make her feel like she's the only girl in the world.

If there was more love and compassion the world would be a better place,
but instead we're faced with bitterness and hate,
constantly fighting a war,
but what are we really fighting for?
Where it's okay to be gay,
where trans people can be themselves and not be called a "freak,"
where men can cry without being called "weak."

You say you love me,
but you're the one who walked away,
you say you want me,
but you're the one who gave up on me,
you tell me you've changed,
but every time I take you back you stay the same.

You tell me to open up to you,
but every time I do you don't want to know,
you want to know what goes on in my head and the truth is I'm scared,
scared of getting hurt,
scared of being left out in the dirt,
truth is I don't know how to feel,
truth is I don't even know what's real,
not anymore,
because all I feel is emptiness,
yeah I'm a mess,
but I'm trying my best,
yeah baby I'm trying my best,
I just want to be happy and not have all this stress,
truth is I love you girl,
more than anything in the world,
but I'm broken,
and so are you,
we're two broken souls,
who don't know what to do

It's insane because i love you and hate you all the same,
truth is I'm drained,
and the tears won't stop falling down my face,
I want us to work,
yeah I want to be able to find a way,
figure something out before we fade away,
I want to tell you that we're gonna be okay,
but how can I when we go round in circles every day,
half of me wants to believe you when you say you've changed,
but half of me wants to show you the door,
tell you enough is enough and I can't do this anymore,
so I sit and reminisce about the good times,
when we would go out to karaoke nights,
when we had good vibes,
before all the fights,

I know I'm no saint,
I know I've made mistakes,
and I'm not proud of the things I've done,
I'm sorry for being such a ****,
I don't wanna lose you,
but I feel so battered and bruised,
I'm trying to hold on,
but I'm hanging by a thread
it's left me thinking
what if there's nothing left,
what if out relationship is dead,
so many questions running around my head,

I need some air to breathe,
I feel like I'm slowly suffocating,
and my arms will continue to bleed,
I need some clarity,
because right now I see nothing but darkness in front of me,
you mean so much to me,
I wish you could just see it,
I wish you could just believe it,
I just want you to see that,
I'm not like your ex girl,
nah baby im no fake girl,
I live in the real world,
I've been through more **** than an episode in Emmerdale,
my whole life is like a TV soap,
why do you think i smoke,
because im so **** stressed and struggling to cope,
so many times I've considered ending it all with a rope.

I'm sorry for the **** that i put you through,
I'm sorry for taking my anger out on you,
and I'm sorry for shutting you out when it came to my emotions too,
I guess you treat me in a way that I'm not used to,
all I've ever had is people using me and giving me abuse,
and I just took it because that's what I'm used to,
yeah I admit I'm scared to get close to you,
because I'm scared to let my feelings show,
but the more I push you away the deeper they grow,
that's why I get high smoking this crow,
**** I get high every night on this dope,
I'm damaged goods girl; yeah I'm broke,
broken in two.
You tell me to sort my life out and that's what I'm trying to do,
but at the same time all I can think about is you,
it's ****** up girl and I just dont know what to do,
because every time you're gone I miss you,
every time you're near me I just want to kiss you,
yeah believe me girl it's true,
I've never loved anyone the way I love you.
but then the mood changes,
one of us gets angry,
I snap at you and you snap right back at me,
our relationship turns into a fighting match and it just ain't healthy,
I want us to be together but right now we can't be,
because I got issues I need to work on and you got issues too,
don't think I'm doing this intentionally to hurt you,
that's the last thing I wanna do.
I'm just sorry for all the pain,
I guess I'm just trying to find me again,
they say love hurt and i think it's true,
because you don't know what you got until they leave you,
so now I'm sitting just reminiscing,
looking at all the pictures of me and you,
and I wish there was a way to work this out,
a way for us to be happy and not scream and shout,
just laugh and smile and muck about,
like the old days,
wow how times have changed,
will you wait for me or will you walk away?
my mind full of the same questions every day,
I know you said to give each other space and that's cool,
but what if you move on,
and the feelings you have for me fade away?
what if we leave it and then it's too late,
girl if you go i dunno if i'll ever be okay.

He sits on my shoulder everyday,
waiting for me to slip up and lose my way,
he wants me to fall,
and like a spider he'll catch me in his web,
tormenting me with whispers and playing tricks inside my head,
i try my best to ignore him but louder and louder he gets,
you don't wanna get too close,
you'll find nothing but darkness here,
the years of abuse have left me in fear,
constantly thinking that no body cares,
always looking over my shoulder thinking someone is there,
paranoia,
never feeling good enough,
thinking everyone hates me,
that's my BPD and anxiety,
yeah so many times I've been messed about,
lied to and cheated on,
now i date with caution,
because people these days are hard trust,
makes it harder for me to love,
because I'm scared to get left with a broken heart.