morning skys

here i sit
cigarette in hand
best friend across from me
and my brain going a million miles an hour

she’s great, my friend
she always listens, and not the kind of listen that most people would lend you
but the kind that lets you know she’s really in it
she retains and recalls details

see this is so important to me because I ALSO do that
not to mention the very hint of someone not fully engaging with me sends razor blades down my spine
it causes some secret trap door in my stomach to swing open full force and empty the tiny bit of courage i had to speak in the first place

but she’s so good at making me feel heard
she truly cares about the opinions i have to offer, however many billions of them there may be
and she gets interested in my ideas so much that we began to create them together
and did i mention that this chick realllllly digs with whatever i have to say, regardless of how fast my words may be spilling, or the frequent pauses to hit the blunt

i once told her that our friendship may not last due to my borderline personality disorder, but she was always going to be a soulmate of mine due to our spiritual connection
and she spent the next two weeks researching the illness
no one has ever shown so much care for me
so much interest
such understanding

i’m laying down now
my cigarette is done
my best friend is still here
and that’s all i could ever ask for

i want to crawl into a hole and die. my face burns and runs wet with the emotions you’ve caused to rise in me. i didn’t ask for this, i didn’t ask for you. see when i’m alone i am concerned with only fixing that issue, not reveling in the solitude. but when i’m next to you everyday, my mind only drifts to a place far far away from here.