Maybe one day you will realise. Realise how much I truly do love you. You left me and I should have lost it all by now. Lost the thoughts. Lost the feelings. Lost the longing. Lost the desire. Lost the love. But when I close my eyes at night and lay my head down, I still feel your forehead nuzzled against my chin. I still feel your arms wrapped tight around my stomach while your fingers stroke my side.

Its been almost 2 years now but still not a day goes by that you dont linger in my thoughts. An unwanted guest. This must be true love. The kind you see in movies or read about in books. Because I know I would move mountains if you asked me to.

I know the pain you're going through now. After losing him. And despite you loving someone else, I do not love you any less. Or think any worse of you. Because the heart wants what the heart wants. And my heart has always wanted you, but even more always wanted you to be happy. It's been almost 2 years, and maybe if I wait 2 more your heart can be happy with mine again. Because I truly believe that our love was special. That our love could be eternal. And I believe in never giving up on something you believe in. And I believe in you. I believe in us. I always have and I always will.

So maybe now, now that you are going through and realise the pain that I've gone through, you will understand what true love is. Maybe you will understand that I have always truly loved you. Loved you more than anyone has ever loved anyone else. And maybe this epiphany of sorts will bring us together again. And two broken hearts can heal each other and once again become one, ignited with passion and by love.

If she tells me now, my feelings will surely fade.
I love these feeling i never want them to go away.
So ill take it slow and hope she stays.
but if not ill go back to routine saying things i don't mean
to feel skins warmth and passion under sheets.
My heart is blind and my brain deceives when it tells me i wouldn't care if she leaves.
Like leaves with no gravity ill remain suspended, remembering she's the closest ill ever get to heaven.

Hateful tears slice my skin like razors in the bathtub
I’ve been hurt by the bare hands that once bound us together too many times
You were an angel to me and you loved me like a child
But when I come home and your breath smells like cheap whiskey you twist and thrive underneath burning skin belonging to a type of corruption only the Devil could endure

My bruised eyes are proof of your demons
My broken arm is proof of your demons
My always plentiful supply of makeup to cover your loving blue outline is proof of your demons
My battered body is proof of your demons

The pain doesn’t scare me. I accept it as my own.
I understand your need for attention and your need to be left alone.
I just haven’t mastered the ability to sense when you’ve been left alone with your thoughts for too long
Flashbacks of your own childhood-the ******* that your daddy forced upon you
The sound of skin tearing, the scent of blood. Your fathers voice. His silhouette hovering.

You linger in the doorway for too long when I walk in.
I look in your eyes; the **** videos play back to me. I know I shouldn’t touch-I remind you too much of your father.
Threats to leave me, swinging your fists.

Tomorrow you will say how mistaken you were-you thought I was your father you thought I was a monster but you know now that I’m the most intimate version of a mother you should know
Curling up, weeping your apology. Comfort me, hold me, you beg.

I know better than this. I picture my mother “Once and you leave him.” But its been 16 months now and i cannot leave a fallen angel.
I can’t bring myself to walk out because I know you chose me.
Distrusting; you chose me. You saw I had flowers splurging from my veins and all anyone else could see was self abusing thorns.

The blood from your knuckles soak the blood resting upon my face
It tugs and pulls and I bring you in
Your beautiful, tear filled eyes make me feel special
“I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry, I love you”
I’m sorry I love you.

In their beauty
they stand still
with brothers and sisters
or alone on a hill

they watch us without eyes
not our bodies
but our souls
and unlike us
their kindness never dulls

they give
all they've got
even if your soul
is about to rot

and they have more wisdom
then all that's been
written

you

you just have to sit
and
listen