Sometimes I'm hot
Sometimes
Cold.
Sometimes an angel
Sometimes evil and bold.
Sometimes I listen
Sometimes I don't
Sometimes
Someday
Some hour
Your way
I just might
Give
In.

streams of the stars
golden leaves
sinking in the fading light
dappled shadows
where the light drowns
its stones and unwraps
the sweetness of the night.

i loved you under a wandering star,
i loved you in the night,
love that would never fade,
love more gentle than all the stars,
love more gentle than the night.

When no one
pays attention
to your soulful
sad story.

Love hungry
It's written on my skin
Desperate to get rid of every blank slate inside of myself
All these places I feel an absence of something I'm unsure of
Like I'm trying to soak it all up
Trying to absorb every last bit of anything I can
Your touch on my skin
I don't know why I'm beggining to think that was the best place to begin
Again I'm trying to suffocate my soul
I'm trying to let it morph and melt and turn into something else because maybe it's never really even been there
I don't want to feel me
I feel my chest weighing heavy and I wish it was because someone else's was on top of it
But it isn't and all these thoughts keep making my body so much heavier
Stacking itself up on top of my bones
They seem so strong but after all this time they are cracking
I know that no one can take this from me
That all the skin and eyes and hands and words and poison won't undo all the things that I have let saturate me
They won't change them into anything else
Even if you paint over something, what was there before will always show when the paint begins to peel but I never even get to the point of letting it dry and falling in love changes my colors but it's all just stacking up and mixing into itself and all I am is ******* messy beyond a previous point
I should have stopped
All it's done has turned me black and heavy
I've been mixing all these colors because I don't understand what moderation is and I don't know why I won't stop trying to cover everything in a different color to be something other than what I am and what I'm not
I have become a bit of it all but I'm beginning to think that nothing can ever make me whole
Not having someone love me through their entire soul, not even that will make me whole
It's just wasting time waiting for the downpour and it won't even bring me a fresh page but something even harder for me to grasp
My lack of understanding is never ending and I'm still screaming at the sky for not having a silver lining or at least one that I could ever find and it's too **** difficult to just make up my mind
All I can say to myself now is I'm sorry, I tried

I remember when you asked me if I ever really loved you
I told you that I did, but I don't know why I never told you
I never told you that I loved you because your laugh sounded like something no symphony could have compared to
Like you were stealing stars
Picking them out of the sky with your bare hands and hiding them in your stomach
So when you opened your mouth all I could see and feel was light
The scars in your skin reminded me of the moon's craters
Like you had weathered storms and bashings and so many collisions it was a surprise you hadn't crumbled
The result of it was on your flesh but you were still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen
And like the waves created by our satellites gravity, I always fell into yours
You moved and stirred me like the sea
Like I would lose every last piece of me and you'd become the only reason I felt moved by anything
Your eyes had more depth to them than any sinkhole or cave or ocean our planet could ever hold
I'd get lost in the way your pupils were like tunnels, entries to every last part of you that I couldn't run my fingers over and press my lips to but god, did I ******* try
They were like black holes that swallowed me whole and once I was in I was trapped inside of you and I never wanted to leave
I'd stare and stare and wonder how I'd see so much light in all the darkness
I loved you because you had always been the most beautiful concept I could never fully wrap my mind around
I loved you, and I always will to some degree
You became such an all encompassing piece of me

Saturation,
no space left in my mind.
So many questions and
so much emotion
that I can't think.
All the things that I used to
see as simple tasks or
thoughts won't link.
No coherence
in my brain. Juxtaposition,
of ideas leads my actions
to dissonance.
Enjambment in
every movement that I make.