It was all a blur,
the fogy nights we spent together.
The numerous stares, everything that led to one of us, me, so much pain.

It all started because two souls were lonely and one was broken.

The other was alive and caring.

The first night was magical. Not like in the movies but how you would imagine it in real life.
Where nothing was perfectly perfect but it was perfect.

The drive back the first night made me only realize how fallen in love with you.

Maybe I was stupid,
I was.

I no longer will love. You left me numb.
When I wake up next to another guy numb is all I feel, all I’ve felt since you left.
You left me.

All of it is a blur, the way I felt, the things we did, the way I feel.

But today, I will focus on the fact that I am alone. That I will always be alone.
Today I will focus on that.

I lay in the cold wet grass on the first night of October.
The breeze blowing through my hair.
As I look into the moon And listen to sous de ciel,
Laying flat against the earth I wish you'd be making love to me.
So I can feel that warmth I miss,
Far from this cold bitter night.
The first night in October.

The moon looks over us as we pour our souls into one another.
That feeling I feel when I catch you gazing at me,
Is as warm as a cup of tea In the icy winter.
Every kiss makes me want so much more.
When you touch my body I feel at ease, warm, safe, adored.

As I fall asleep on you,
I can't help but think about what we can be, how well we mix, how well we belong.
But as passionate as we are, I know to savor this brief moment we may have to hold back on.
Nothing is sure.
Nothing is uncertain.
I do know however, that what we have is so much more than we see it as.
And this is why I am writing this.
Right at this moment I can't help but smile and gaze at your eyes and how they look at me with such love, such admiration.
Nothing will ever change my mind about you, it'll always be you and I.
In cold days such as today,
The first night of October.

I'm just an ordinary girl with ordinary hair
An ordinary face
My best is someone's half
I can never be enough
But enough for who?
I will never try to look like all these other girls because then it wouldn't make me who I am
But at the same time I want to be seen
I want to be heard
I want to be adored
I don't need it but I want it
Or do I?
Will I ever be something else
Or will I just stay simple and ordinary
Where my everyday presence will be ignored
Where no one looks my way
Because I'll always be simple.

I want someone
Who can read my eyes
And communicate with them
So that we can share jokes
From across the room
Or alert each other
During emergencies.

I want someone
Who can differentiate my smiles.
Real ones, fake ones
So that even when everyone else
Is fooled,
You won't be.

I need someone
Who can understand
That I'm a complicated,
Contradictory person.
That I may blow hot and cold
But in the end
I'll still love you.