Im afraid to kiss you
Because of the fear of being left breathless
Gasping for air
The theif you are stealing life from my lungs

I'm afraid to leave you
Because without you near I'd surely fall apart
Picking up the pieces
The craftsman you are, putting me back together

I'm afraid to be loved by you
Because of the unrealistic, idealistic picture you paint of me
Every brush stroke
The artist that paints in dissappointment of who I really am

I'm afraid to trust you
Because of the words you whisper late at night
I love you more
The liar that insists in the false reality in which you could ever love me more

I remember when your dad would beat you
those were the times I'd see you cry
I just wanted to help you fly
far away from all the hurt and pain
but you just wanted to die
you were a drain
you drained me
I was there for you through hell and back
when things got bad for me you'd just pack
****** nose and drunken nights
remember that time you ran away
took too many drugs and almost died
and you blamed it all on me
I didn't give you those drugs
that made you feel like you were covered in bugs
your the one that cheated on me
I had to be free
from all the unimaginable pain you put me through
I was the one who flew
to get away from you and your blue eyes
a big part of me dies
when you come to this small town
we still hook up every time you visit
when you leave again it makes me want to paint my wrist
with deep red
and to go to sleep in bed
forever

tired of being lonely
when surrounded by so many,
the dark sky whispers a loving secret

one that wraps me tight
& holds me down,
choking me where I've fallen.

you ask me if I'm okay,
I tell you I'm fine in whispered breath,
as I imagine a world that never exists.

I'm addicted to my favourite
non-existent recreational drug,
cueing in; compulsive lying.

The additional side effects
to my mind, soul and heart,
ain't as bad as I thought.

When I'm being questioned
about my troubling mental health,
I lied straight through my teeth,
that nothing could **** me,
yet I wanted to **** myself
the exact same hour.

I once lied to a friend that,
I will stay by her side
but in actuality,
I didn't even want to
stay in this world

But the biggest lie
that ever happened
is by telling myself
that I will soon be alright,
and lying is my only
coping mechanism

I think.

You know what I love
about this addiction,
is that it's a distraction
from the real harm,
which is self-actualisation,
of my ailing self.

When I say I lie in bed
I mean that I'm a liar
and not that I'm tired
or maybe I am because
i'm sick of hurting people
because I tell them I care
and then turn and push them
away to find another and the
cycle just keeps repeating
and I want it to stop
but all I can do is just
lie in bed.

It is easy to lie
About how much I cry
I barely even try
It is kind of scary
That it is so easy
Who else lies?
Who else secretly cries?
How much do they try?
I can lie
And so can everyone else
We let life fly by
As we constantly lie

Keep on being a ******* idiot
Lie to yourself
Tell yourself that you're beautiful
Tell yourself that you're smart
Tell yourself that you're happy
Anything that you think does not matter
It's what everyone else thinks that shapes you
If they call you stupid
You're stupid
If they say you're hideous
You're hideous
Your "positive attitude" won't get you anywhere
It's not magic
Keep on lying to yourself see where that gets you