Qynn 3d
I wonder how long it takes
to complete this transition
from despair
to apathy

I've been waiting for ages
for this hurting to stop
so familiar, but so much sharper
than time and time before

in my past
the pain was not chronic

But you go on
and on
and on.
Qynn 3d
there is this stain on my spirit
and I bleed my fingers
trying, in vain
to scrub it out

this mess is one you've made

I'm tired of trying to fix it.
Qynn Feb 12
only when the scent of another man
is fresh, and bonded with my flesh
only after my hair is wild
my cheeks red
my chest heaving

in some dim hotel room
heavy with sex

only then will I know guilt
in giving you the same nightmares
you gave to me.
Qynn Jan 29
There is a point I come to every day on my walk to work. An outlook, messed and marked by tall grass and weeds. You can see beyond the valley there, to the low rolling mountains of the Allegheny. Sometimes when the sky is just right, you can even see the smoke stacks of the power plant near my old home.

Most days, I pass by this vista.
I can't bear to look it in the eye.
It reminds me of the wideness of the world, the fear that touches me when I speak of leaving. The dreams that I have spent like breath - time and again - departure from this life.
To leave the job that kills, the friends who've forgotten, the lover who cannot remember how to love.

Most days I walk past.
I will not lift my head.
But the vast emptiness of the space between me and the world, the openness, the cold and absence of safety, with no promise of home... it calls to me.

Like the angry seas to young sailors, it cries my name. Something unsure. Something more.
Something that will nurse, something that will drown.

It beats me down.

And I will let it beat me til I break.
Qynn Dec 2017
I open up my bleeding heart and let it leak upon you
Let it stain your skin, let it blur whatever sure sight you had

For whatever reason, you welcome it
Now soaked in my blood, I look upon you and realize

How ugly I am

The life force my heart pumps
Barely enough to keep me alive
Weak in the light and strong amongst lies

I am not your lighthouse
I am my own ship, lost at sea

I am as dirty and worthless
As the one who first crushed me.
Qynn Nov 2017
I am at a constant war with myself
Whether I should cake-face or remain nameless
Comfort in my own flesh...
I have never known it.

How do I further beautify this body I despise?
Not so that I love myself more, but to inspire a fire -
Your lust, your desire?
Qynn Nov 2017
I know you.
I have known you.
Lives past and worlds apart.
I've touched your skin but once.
Somehow your breath feels like home.
Your voice echoes.
I feel your heart.
So familiar.
So far apart.
Will I find you?
I must.
In this life, in the next.
This tangled thread.
Doomed to love.
Fated to haunt.
Together forever,
and ever apart.
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