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Apr 2019 · 62
three months later
voiDce Apr 2019
we take turns reading to each other in bed
he looks up at me, unmoving
with wonder in his eyes as if i hold the sun
and ive never felt more warm
more impossible

theres a place in his heart
where the good people live
and i can only hope, one day
in a house full of flowers
surrounded by the smell of good cooking
we can make a new home

he pulls the glasses from my face
(i look stupid)
(you look beautiful)
he pins me to the mattress
and i wonder if this is what it means
to be wholly and truly in love
Jul 2018 · 555
rest in peace
voiDce Jul 2018
tight chest, thin lungs
a furious voice run ragged
(too high, too soft, too familiar)

words thrown like knives
demanding recognition

"see me, im here
why wont you see me?"

bright cheeks and burning ears
deaf to an indictment centuries old
and a name begging to be put to rest

fifteen and fearful
they wont see you
theyll claim you died

"oh, may she rest in peace
a daughter, we lost our daughter"

and they wont see you
but they dont need to

fifteen and fearful
a future lies just out of reach.
in honor of pride month, and in spite of the world
Jul 2018 · 1.0k
innate, unsaid
voiDce Jul 2018
deep under the skin, theres bitterness

memories, missing
history, missing
a whole childhood, missing

from the mind, but not the body
not the soul

scars and blemishes
a special brand of pain
say "he was here."

and the disgust, not a memory
but a reminder

and still, the occasional
dreams of something
just on the wrong side of familiar

bruises deepen and learn to speak
they beg for sleep

but nothing good is found behind closed eyes

only the ghost of something
just on the wrong side of familiar
Mar 2018 · 306
samsara
voiDce Mar 2018
warmth turns to fire that burns itself out as quickly as it sparks
and were left surrounded by ashes as uncomfortable as they are disorienting

samsara, i guess
a cycle of life and death and new beginnings

we find new people
new hands
new strings to twist together as we try to make something beautiful again

the new hands are stronger than you
braver than you
more curious than you

and they do a hell of a lot more to make it warm again than you

but ill still miss how your hands were
kind

his are brutal, but they get the job done
just fine
Feb 2018 · 218
two twelve
voiDce Feb 2018
unexpected and uninvited,
i am reborn at boiling point

with his nose pressed into the dip of my neck
(like it never plans to leave)
he breathes me in
(like im something to cherish)
the tips of his fingers burn deep across my spine, slow
(like the steady flow of lava)

alight with fire and
unbidden, the thought comes:

"ill never feel cold again
for as long as he stays."
Jan 2018 · 716
32°F
voiDce Jan 2018
"...warm."
"you too."

and i cracked,
like thin sheets of ice when you press their center
sharp whispers splinter
under my skin and through my veins

his breath,
soft on my neck, melts the confused corners away
and suddenly i am whole again

but malleable, fluid, and free
Aug 2017 · 237
lady
voiDce Aug 2017
there are flavors that you never forget,

like

soft with straight edges,
chemical and burning
bright white like waking up for the first time--
making a home in the back of your throat,

through your nose,
in your teeth,
on your gums,
behind your eyes.

there are flavors that you never forget.
three years, but i can still taste it
Jun 2017 · 379
puzzles
voiDce Jun 2017
sometimes
when the sun’s gone down to make space for the moon
i entertain fantasies where you and i are together

in my dreams
we never feel like two ill-fitting puzzle pieces
still desperately trying to make a picture

i know i love you
but i can never tell if it’s the right kind of love
the one we sing and write and dance for

and i know you love me too
but i’m so scared i’ll use the wrong type of glue
and snap our brittle hands where they touch

in the end i won’t move
but neither will you
because even on our best days

(when i can hear your heartbeat)
(when you smile and it makes the world a brighter place)
(when you’re alight with rage and passion and hot to the touch)

i’m sure you know
that sometimes you just have to leave a puzzle alone
‘til you know what to do with the pieces
May 2017 · 1.4k
closets
voiDce May 2017
here,
in every dark and dusty corner, ive made my bed

here,
the spider on the wall is a chirpy diner waitress who welcomes me back and asks if i want the usual

here,
ive dragged damp, sweaty, and tear-soaked fingers across every misplaced and forgotten possession

here,
like a child before God, i look to the mismatched socks and ask if they remember what it felt like to be part of a pair

here,
i can see in the dark

here,
i try to make sense of the texture of the wall and the way the clothes sway back and forth from their hangers despite the stifling, stale air

here,
the humidity is like a scarf sliding off its hook and winding tight around my neck

here,
the water in my breath boils until i can smell my tongue melting

here,
i choke on decades-old dust that tastes like all the secrets i wish i didnt have to hide

here,
every horrible, lonely thought i used to pretend could not reach my heart is deafening

here,
i am the only thing that breathes

here,
i have no name and no face

Here
is the only place where i am safe

— The End —