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What should I do?
How should I go on?
When all I want to do is
Give up now
I can't take it no more

Any way I go
It's just closed doors
Only little windows with grills
Through which light shines,
Little glimmers of hope

I reach out for the window
Every step forward
Giving me a fighting sense
But as soon as
I reach the window

It turns out that
It was just a
Figment of my imagination
Just another closed door

Should I go left?
Or, should I go right?
Lost in this abyss
Imprisoned in my mental-cell

Surrounded by darkness
Gasping for breath
I feel claustrophobic
Just want this to end

My demons guard outside
Don't let me out
Need no saving grace,
My solace I've found

There's no open doors
No open windows
No rays of hope
Just plain white lies
About not losing hope

My mind right now
Is not less than hell
Compelling me to make
A deal with the devil
To get out of this invisible cell

Give up or not
Don't know what to do
The devil tempts me
To give up
I guess I might soon

Maybe, in the afterlife
I'll be happier
You'll never see me crying
Just a pretty smile
You'll see
Raashi Bijlani Dec 2019
HIM
It’s been more than a year
I’ve written nothing
writer’s block
Or out of words
Or just a heavy heart
I don’t know what
it is.

I think of words
I want to write
it’s all jumbled up
in my head
I put down these words
but all I’m left with
are unfinished poetry
not today though

Everytime I think of something
it all comes back to you
nothing makes sense
when I read it out loud
it’s apt tho isn’t it?

Nothing made sense
between us too
friends to strangers
without getting together

I want my poetry to be
all about you
but what should I say?

How your smile
lit up my gloomy days?
Or
how your stories
made me wish I’d
lived ‘em with you?
Or
how your dorky laugh
made my heart skip a
beat every ******* time?

In my mind,
I could go on and on
but penning it down
was the hardest

And every time
I reminisce these memories
I feel this void in
my heart
it feels like
a piece of me
it's gone

There’s an empty hollow
and the only way I know
to fill it
is by sipping on
your favourite whiskey

Cause only for
a couple of hours
the smell lingers
on my breath
making me feel
your presence again
bringing me out of the
nothingness I'm
trapped in

This poem
doesn't make sense,
does it?
it's not meant to
because
nothing made sense
about him too.
This poem isn't supposed to make sense.
based on personal experience,
something I needed to get off my chest.
Raashi Bijlani Feb 2018
The voices in my head
keep me up
all night
deep in thoughts
making me replay
things in my head
they break me down
shattering my soul
into a million pieces
making me weep
till no words can
be spoken
and no more
tears can flow


The voices in my head
so wicked are they
for
they make me miss
the people who’ve left
me damaged at every
phase in my life
they make me regret
the things I’ve never said
when I had the chance to,
they make me believe
that I’m flawed
for always feeling
depressed
they get me
drunk on this bottle
of whiskey to
shut their
obnoxious voices out


The voices in my head
so merciless are they
for
no reasons at all
they throw me down into
this abyss of thoughts
that I can’t escape
spiraling downwards
I fall far into
the bottomless oceans
of undesired memories
that I yearn to forget.


The voices in my head
they call me names
fat.
ugly.
failure.
useless.
embarrassment.
the list eventually has a full stop,
but these voices don’t.
Raashi Bijlani Feb 2018
I will think of you  
only till this cigarette burns
for,  
your thoughts will haunt me  
through the night  
keeping me awake  
just to blame myself  
for handing over
my heart to you
when I knew all along
that you'll break it

I will think of you
only till this cigarette burns  
for,
the feelings will
come rushing again  
making me miss
the feeling of being
in your arms
the feel of your lips on mine
the faint smell of Daniel's
on your breath
forcing me to get drunk
on the amber liquid  
to block you out of my mind

I will think of you only
till this cigarette burns
for
I'll exhale you out
in the midst of the
grey smoke
after every drag I take
I'll let you fall into the abyss
of nothingness in this
broken ashtray

I will only think of you
till this cigarette burns
for
when this cigarette finally burns out
along with it
you would too
  Feb 2018 Raashi Bijlani
Kathleen M
Cigarettes and sweet alcohol
That's what you taste like
It's cold here but you're warm
Your mouth
Your hands
All over my skin
This moment
This roughness
This sweet sensation
This illusion
I hope we meet again
  Feb 2018 Raashi Bijlani
PC classic
my heart is a stone
like your very own
I don't love you
just like you don't

but here I am for you
under lights dim and blue
reminiscing of
things once true

memories are misconstrued
on your bed at half past two

love isn't sunshine
love is rain
love isn't diamond
love is dew
Raashi Bijlani Feb 2018
stands in the corner in all it's dark glory
casts it's dark shadow on every other person  
a child or an adult  
it doesnt matter
kisses them with his tempting lips  
to **** the life out of them
gulps down their bright souls  
to turn 'em as dark as his  
smiles liks a maniac  
wonders who should be next  
compassion is something he doesn't know  
sympathy is something he doesn't show
he plucks life as if it's a flower
loathed more than he is loved  
some don't want to be near him
some long to meet him  
but he is death
inevitable he is
so,
no matter where you go
no matter what you do  
he will find you  
he will follow you  
with every breath you take  
and every step you walk
sooner or later
expected or unexpected  
whether you like it or not  
he will
and the day he does
you will beg for him to wait
but he will just laugh in your face  
and pluck you out like a petal  
from a rose
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