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Vivian Apr 24
I want to ask,

what do you think of me,

who I am to you,

and just when I had the courage to do so,

I get scared,

that you would answer,

"I don't"
Vivian May 7
You say "I understand",
As if that changes anything,
As if those two words,
Would suddenly take those broken pieces of my world,
and glue them back together again,

You say "I understand",
Like you really do,
But if you did,
You wouldn't bother with words,
When they're how I got lost,
And ended up here,

You say "I understand",
Two words for you that are a band-aid,
Slapped over my problems,
In order to make them stop,
And although the wounds stopped bleeding,
The scars will forever remain on my skin,
Never to be healed

You say "I understand",
Your words sweet and but not caring,
Warm but icy with lies,
And you say it over and over,
"I understand",
As I try to run from memories,
Breathing slow,
Tired
Unable to hide,

You say,
"I understand",
And although I know they're lies,
I just wish
It was the truth,
That I'm not alone,
and you really did
understand
.
Vivian Jun 27
.
Nothing can replace the things you
lost to change
.
Vivian Jun 21
.
A whisper sent from the sea
One lone leaf rustling in the wind
A sun rise never seen to meet the morning sky
One chance gone
Another day
Just the same
Dulled by choice
Between you and I
Vivian Sep 21
12 years of waiting
For an escape to be found
12 years of surrounding myself
With isolation
12 years of dreaming
And waking up to the same nighmare
12 years of words
Trapped in my throat
12 years of wishing
For someone to help me out
12 years of wasting
Moments never taken
12 years of being lost
To the numbness inside
12 years of hoping for the end
Feeling dead
Yet I'm still here
With many years left
Vivian Jun 26
I was just crying really, really hard
Tears running down my face
Heart cracking with emotion
Pillow stained
Silently sobbing

Trying to keep it together
When my life was falling apart
Trying to tell myself
That it's okay
When it was anything but that

Quietly sneaking to the bathroom
Looking in the mirror
Seeing my cheeks and eyes red and tired
Realizing how broken I was
How broken I am

Closing my eyes
Fighting back oceans worth of crying
Biting my lip
Sinking to the floor
Reminding myself to be strong
That I'll make it

And desperately just trying to find a will to live
Vivian Mar 12
We all like a blank notebook,
the new feeling,
without the words of the past in them,
not tinted with your old self,
just like we are as a person,
at the start of the new year, unaffected,
no decided personality of us,
a new page, a new story,
a new you,
until we doubt our words,
doubt ourselves and who we are,
and then we throw the notebook and who we are away,
buy a new one,
instead of finishing writing,
or even trying,
to finish the last word
Vivian Jun 26
Underneath the frown
Is a fragile heart
Ready to break
And shatter
A tangled mess
Of emotions
Trying to fix herself

Failing to fix herself
Vivian Jul 2
Fallen angels,
burn in the snow,
demons find their way in, slow
days stretch longer,
just trying to remember

Lights dim,
people smile,
laughter echoes,
but the past finds you, away by a mile

Open book,
distraction,
Bit by bit,
a tiny fraction
troubled mind slips away

But running can only get you so far,
never hidden, always seen
through the dark into the stars,
found and scared,

The past hurts so much now
Just trying to forget it all,
Can't do anything about it
So tear it up
Ripped and broken
future is all that is left
But in the end
All is seen is a torn photograph

But running can only get you so far,
never hidden, always seen
through the dark into the stars,
found and scared,

A torn photograph,
burned away,
a fireplace with ashes of remains
A day where light never reached,
A faded memory took,
to be able to see,
to only have it be broken

The past hurts so much now
Just trying to forget it all,
Can't do anything about it
So tear it up
Ripped and broken
future is all that is left
But in the end
All is seen is a torn photograph

A torn photograph
Vivian Jun 1
I want to climb a ladder,
to the top of the sky,
and breathe the air up there,
and know it all

I want to see things from above,
and have that feeling of pride,
to be on top of the world,
the confidence to fly

I want to see it all,
know it all,
breathe it all
and feel it all

I just want something for myself
Vivian May 13
The bravest thing you can do

is to not offer your hand to someone,

but to let down your pride,

and accept someone else's
Age
Vivian May 27
Age
Maybe
Some are too young
To understand love
To do something with it
Or to even give it a place
In the world

But no one's
Too young
To feel it
Vivian May 27
Sometimes I have these
moments of time
in which the nights always stand still,
unmoving
and sleepless

A cycle that goes on and on,
with wide opened eyes
waiting for the emptiness void to take over the mind
and give it peace,
from my life

As thoughts and wonders go loose,
wild,
speaking to me,
unwritten poems and songs singing in my head,
stanzas forming,
As tears fall for no reason at all,
except the hope to cry me to sleep

Nights in which the moon shines in the dark sky
lit by the occasional cars that go by,
as no one stays awake,
here,
except me tonight

Endless periods of quietness,
waiting for the sun to rise
dead silence
as no cricket even chirps its song
at this hour

Times where nothing is awake,
living,
except for me,
who looks out the window
onto the paved streets,
waiting for something to come by

These,
are the moments,
in which I feel alive
All
Vivian Jun 12
All
I think about the lonely souls,
that wander,
untamed,
silent, invisible tears,
in our suffocating world

I think about the broken hearts,
holding onto the ruins of their home,
shattered by rejection,
taken over by hate,
of their fallen life

I think about the cracking masks,
slowly showing their true faces in despair,
smiles that represent laughter,
but really mean sadness,
as we all, choose to hide

I think about the word "okay",
which is merely another lie,
told throughout the day to one's self,
hoping to cover a truth,
too big to bear

I think it all,
felt it all,
experienced it all,
and know it all

Yet I've never,
ever,
had someone else be there for me,
through it all
Vivian Mar 15
All I've know my life,
was fighting and pain,
numbness and sorrow,
and losing and falling,
in the past, I knew,
happiness and kindness,
courage and love,
but now I don't know it anymore,
it's forgotten, faded away,
one day I hope I can once more learn,
how to smile and mean it,
and remember what's it like,
to be happy too
Vivian Mar 10
I'm not alone,
I say to myself,
that I'm not the only one,
who only wakes up because of the possibility of tomorrow,
who tried to cry themselves to sleep,
but sleep wouldn't come,
who flinched,
whenever a word was said,
afraid it could be the kind that slaps you across the face,
but even as I say that,
it won't change,
that I'm still lonely
Vivian Apr 27
Apart yet together,
as we take a walk in on different beaches,
as the sun sets, casting the golden color over the sand,
the pink sky fading into the night blue,
yet at the same ocean,
it's blue waves washing on the shore,
giving us who we are,
and taking away who we were,

Apart yet together,
as we live different songs,
the chorus repeating history,
the verses singing us a different future,
the melody of the words in our hearts,
the tune forever in us,
sending different messages,
yet one meaning,
as our songs go on,
to sing us,

Apart yet together,
as we're not next to each other,
as we're not talking to each other,
as we don't know each other,
as we're together

As the weavings in our life are knotted and tangled,
made of torn scraps of the past and the present,
different strings, all barely hanging onto each other,
yet connected and tied,
by invisible threads,
of the future,
and hope,
and love,

As we're apart,
yet together
Vivian Feb 23
Ashes, ashes,
regret and pain
ashes, ashes ,
the past remains

ashes, ashes,
everywhere,
ashes, ashes,
haunting you,

ashes, ashes,
the roaring hate,
ashes, ashes,
before the fire destroyed

ashes, ashes,
we all have some,
ashes, ashes,
these memories that killed,

ashes, ashes,
that wildfire,
ashes, ashes,
fire should warm not destroy,

ashes, ashes,
the remains of you,
ashes, ashes,
the remains of what you did

ashes, ashes,
remains,
leftovers
Vivian Mar 19
At this point,
I am so used to pain,
I'm not even aware,
at how it has destroyed,
and changed,
who I am
Vivian May 13
I check the clock,

as it reads 9:52,

I know I should go to sleep,

but here I still am typing,

awake,

but living in the dream,

of poetry
Vivian Mar 19
Awareness of an issue won't do anything, only doing something will help solve our problems
Vivian May 23
Love has no boundaries,
as there is an endless supply of it
everywhere you see it,
through those little acts,
and what's left of kindness
in our world

But courage does,
and that is when we must break the barriers
of fear
and be brave enough to tell someone,
despite the endless possibilities of being hurt,
and vulnerable
and rejection

I love you

But sometimes walls are stronger than bridges
Vivian Jun 23
There will be days
In which you will feel as if
You are suffocating
In the expectations set for you
The air no longer reached
As it gets harder and harder to breathe
Days in which you just want
Exhale

There will be nights
In which will drown
In the darkness of time
Silent crying unheard
As you soak your pillow with tears
Just wanting
To sleep
And never wake up

There will be times like this
In which you have no one
To be there for you
To care for you

But until it's over
Just be strong

Always be strong
Vivian Mar 31
They tell you to be you,
To be yourself,
To do what you want to do,
And not be anything else,
But even after all these years,
To simply be me is not that easy,
It's hard battling all your fears,
While trying to make your voice, not sound squeaky,
I want to be and let the person inside me out,
but when I see that perfect person you want me to be,
it's hard to not be overcome with doubt,
and just not throw away me,
You want me to be anyone, anyone,
but who I currently am,
yet every day you tell me,
to be me.
Vivian Apr 1
You tell me to be strong,
that I am strong,
that I will make it through it all,
but I'm not strong,
the only thing I am is human,

As I collapse into you hoping I can melt away,
that you can make everything alright,
as I cry every night, the images of life playing through my head,
the want to sleep and have a few hours of relief and nothing, except I can't sleep in fear,
as the only thing,

The only reason I wake up is because of you,
as the only reason,
my only hope that things will maybe be okay,
is you,
the only thing I have left to live for,
is you,

But you tell me to be strong,
that I can do it by myself,
but I'm not strong,
the only thing I am is human,
weak and fragile,
only here because of you,

And now you left,
and you're gone,
your last words being,
be strong,
but how can I,
now that I have no reason,
nothing,
no one,
to be strong for?
Vivian Mar 13
I hope to be there outside your boundaries
is enough,
because I'm too afraid to climb inside of your walls,
to bother you inside,
so waiting for you outside to open the door,
is all I can do,
and while I have to find the courage to knock on the door,
you have to find the courage to open it
Vivian Mar 13
Believe in yourself,
they say,
but how will I be able to that,
when everywhere I walk,
people give me,
a drop of a look of doubt,
which poisons my hope and belief?
Vivian May 5
Thought it could be better,
as I took step after step towards you,
maybe mend the broken,
but the broken can't be fixed by hope,
and lies,
when that's all you were
Vivian Apr 30
Birds fly,
Showing freedom,
Soaring beneath the sun
But chained to the blue skies, lonely,
Dreaming
Vivian Jun 28
I am the small rowboat
Tied to the pier under darkening skies
Promising storms
Of thunder and lightning
Wanting to be set free
Into the oceans
As I wait
With the lonely feeling
Sinking me
For the sea
Vivian Mar 2
Brave,

I feel that fire inside me,
the one that burns and destroys me everyday with it's flames,
the one that I can't fight,
I feel it say that no matter what I'll try,

I feel every doubt of me,
engulfed by that fire in my stomach,
that says today, it'll be different,
that change will come,

I feel it still destroy me with those flames of the past,
but in a different way,
I feel it this time,
warming me for the present,

I feel this fire,
fed by my misery and troubles,
I feel the heat of it pushing me,
to go be brave,

I feel the way it destroys me,
give me a courage powered by rage,
a wildfire,
that came from the ashes of the past,

I feel that spark I've hidden,
I feel the embers turn into flames,
flames to a fire,
the kind that tells you to be brave

A twisted kind of courage,
the kind that feeds off of anger,
the kind that comes from a bottled up flame,
that spreads everywhere,

Some kind of courage,
that I've made off of my anger,
But brave is brave,
and today I will try to change
Vivian Mar 20
I have broken,
and shattered and cracked,
and fractured,
and destroyed,
myself in so many ways,
over and over,
the same pattern,
living while dying inside,
hurting but continue on to smile,
all in my knowledge,
is breaking
Vivian Mar 11
How can I dare breathe,
when I know that the air I breathe,
is the same one as yours,
as everyone,
and that there's something I have to share,
with you,
who's been destroying me,
ever since I met you,
and now even breathing,
is making me panic,
because it gives me something,
that connects me to you
Vivian Mar 21
Breathless,
nothing left in me,
after running miles and miles,
away from fear,
running knowing that fear,
will always come back to sneak up on me,
and that breathing,
is all I can do until then
Vivian Mar 29
You trapped me in a cage,
of mistrust and betrayal,
that I now can't escape,

I feel what hope I have left to be free,
slipping away from,
this prison and me,

I still wish for that blue sky,
in which I can fly and soar,
as I want,
let my spirit rise,
with the rest of me,

but I hope you can see,
what this cage has done to me,
you trapped me here to set my feelings of you free,
but now they're trapped in here like the rest of me
Can
Vivian May 4
Can
Can dawn still come,
after the darkest nights,
will the sun continue to rise,
after the biggest storms,
may I continue to breathe,
despite what's in the air?

can the clock hands still move,
after what has happened,
will my voice still speak,
even if no one listens,
may the Earth always have life,
despite what the lives had done?

Can the fire in me continue to burn,
without getting out of control,
will a new day come,
even if the world seems to be the same,
may it one day be just okay,
not even good,
just okay?
Vivian Mar 19
Can you do what I couldn't,
can you say what you feel like saying,
and not what other's want you to say,
can you be brave enough,
to say no to someone,
can you hold onto your voice,
as a treasure,
before you lose it and it is too late,
to ever find it again
Vivian May 16
There's a reason for my coldness,
my isolation,
the protective cage around me,
my prison,

So please stop whispering,
I can hear them,
You don't know anything about me,
But if you did,
it's not like you'll understand me

Just go away. It hurts a lot less.
Vivian May 15
I can't write,
my words have no rhythm
when I try to tie them together to form stanzas,
they get tangled, unable to be unraveled,

I can't write,
when an idea blooms in my head,
it quickly gets stepped on,
flattened

I can't write,
when what I have to say,
is written on the paper,
it changes the meaning,

I can't write,
My thoughts are too complex,
to be held in a simple metaphor,
they bang on the sides of the letters,
demanding to be let out

I can't write,
when I try,
my emotions flood me,
staining my pencil with tears,

I can't write,
my words don't strike people the way I want,
don't get seen or read,
as I see it,

I can't write,
I try to shape my words to look like other creations,
but they stay the same, still and unwavering,
stubborn

I can't write,
I want my words to fly,
to soar and to rise up to the wonders out there,
but they instead, stay with me, inside my head

I can't write,
the words stumble, imperfect,
But my words come from me as they are me,
and I can't be perfect

I can't write,
no matter how much I try,
I can't write,

But writing is the only way I can let things out. It's the only way my thoughts are actually heard, seen. It's my way of crying or smiling.

It's the only time I don't lie

So I write
Vivian Mar 9
I know you see me,
         I know you know,
how much it hurts,
how it feels,
and what I have to bear
but even so,
I'm still waiting,
for you to care
Vivian Mar 6
The past is chalky
It is erased,
gone,
With only stains as a reminder,
It is washed and washed again,
But it never seems to go away,
But sometimes if you try hard enough,
The colors fade away a bit,
Along with the stains,
and you start to move on,
and finally,
accept,
and stop washing it away,
because you can't get rid of your past
Vivian Mar 12
It's all chance and luck,
but not who I am and the goodness of the world,
that maybe one day,
one day,
someone will care for me
Vivian Mar 11
I remember that girl,
who made the promise,
to never ever change,
with her best friend,
but when people began to change,
so did she,
and what's only left of that friendship,
is a promise never fulfilled,
a broken friend,
a changed girl,
and a society that only destroys
Vivian Jun 28
A tapestry woven
Of chameleon threads
And colliding worlds
That sing bravery
As we take the first step on slippery ground
Despite dinning doubts that speak inside
And the cast shadow of the broken lives
That haunt us wherever we go
Except in fantasy
Where we are blind by eye
But still have vision by heart
Vivian Apr 19
It's only when I tell myself,
that I had no choice,
I realize,
that I did,
and simply chose,
to ignore it
Vivian Mar 9
I make my choices,
On my own account,
But it feels like its you,
And not me,
Making my own choices
Vivian Mar 14
I wish I could be like a cloud,
and be unafraid,
to cover the light,
to turn stormy and express anger,
speak as they wish,
and to be able,
let,
the tears,
fall
Vivian May 11
No need to face life. No need to struggle to survive.

No more you.
Vivian Mar 11
Continue,
for the ones who wanted to,
but couldn't be brave enough,

Continue,
and remember that giving in,
is different from giving up,

Continue,
for yourself,
for the potential of life and the hope of tomorrow,

Continue,
because although you only have hope,
hope can be enough,

Continue,
for the ones who would want you to,
for the ones that care for you
Vivian Mar 19
Cover me,
with the words of my past,
and my present,
let them surround me,
so they can say,
what I want to, but can't,
let my story,
be seen, heard,
let them read it,
and finally, truly know it,
who I am
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