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1.7k · Mar 2
Vivian Mar 2
To have a friend,
to have someone to care for you,
is a weakness,
it makes you vulnerable,
but to be alone,
to have no one,
gives you nothing left,
and you're still vulnerable,
I want someone there for me,
but I don't want to risk it,
I don't want to be it,
991 · May 9
Vivian May 9
"I just want to go home and sleep".

"Why, are you tired?"

"I just don't want to be awake".
573 · Feb 24
Vivian Feb 24
"How are you?"

Terrible, sad, dying, sick, lonely, mad, hated, unloved, not good enough, fragile, worthless, crying, anxious, going to give up, annoying, pathetic, misunderstood, judged, in pain, scared, distant, crushed, rejected, defeated, insecure, empty, almost dead

"I'm fine."
516 · May 13
Awake in a Dream
Vivian May 13
I check the clock,

as it reads 9:52,

I know I should go to sleep,

but here I still am typing,


but living in the dream,

of poetry
421 · Mar 21
I'm Trying
Vivian Mar 21
I'm trying so hard,
I hope you can see that,
it has nothing to do with that,
and that it's not my fault,
and I can't do it,
to change me
390 · Jun 28
Vivian Jun 28
My heart's beating faster
Seeing those eyes
Shades of blue and green
And some will say
That this feeling is a lie
But for now I stare
Into your eyes
384 · Feb 24
Vivian Feb 24
painful reminders,
of the words that hurt you,
of the times you lost,

the leaking of your happiness,
letting in anger,

set out to make you lose things,
slicing you,
destroying you,
reminding you,

they don't define you,
they show people things about you,
but they don't show everything,

they don't mean there was no light in a person,
they don't show anything in the future,
and the present,

the only thing they are,
is leftovers,
from the hidden dark past,

they hurt,
they make you lose,
but they don't make you lose all

they show that we can never completely heal,
but they show we can heal,
and that we are healing,

they show we still have the ability to laugh,
to live,
to smile

so the only thing they are,
are reminders,
of why we fight,
and our past,
that made us strong,
that brought us here today
348 · Apr 29
It's Not Love
Vivian Apr 29
It’s not love,
If I tell you to leave,
And you don’t come back,

It’s not love,
If you hold my hand,
And you let go,

It's not love,
If my tears fall,
And you don't try to stop them,

It's not love,
If your I'm heres,
Mean goodbye

It's not love,
If you look into my eyes,
And lie

It's not love,
If you don't bother to even try to fix the broken
or strengthen what's left,

It's not love,
If I don't try,

It's not love,
whatever we have left,
whatever we had,
It's not love
346 · Apr 27
Vivian Apr 27
My heartbeat,

a steady rhythm in my chest,

my footsteps,

silent yet heard,

my eyes blinking,

the sound of the last raindrop,

the nearby talking,

faint whispers wanting to share its secrets,

the sounds in my life,

forming one song
336 · May 21
Vivian May 21
You keep telling me that I'm heartless,
that I have no sympathy to spare,
no kindness inside me,
no love

But it's not that,
it's just that I'm afraid if I let people too close,
then it'll get broken


I'd rather have nothing than have pieces
of fragmented love
287 · Mar 13
Being There
Vivian Mar 13
I hope to be there outside your boundaries
is enough,
because I'm too afraid to climb inside of your walls,
to bother you inside,
so waiting for you outside to open the door,
is all I can do,
and while I have to find the courage to knock on the door,
you have to find the courage to open it
284 · Mar 11
Vivian Mar 11
The colors of our skin,
are different,
but the blood bled,
of the victim
when hate turns one to a killer,
is always the same
260 · Apr 15
Light and the Dark
Vivian Apr 15
In the dark,
we must continue to look,
for light,
but when in the light,
we must all remember,
what it's like,
to be in the dark
225 · Jun 27
Vivian Jun 27
Nothing can replace the things you
lost to change
217 · Mar 29
Vivian Mar 29
You asked me why was I always so sad,
and I didn't answer you,
so you shook your head and left,
but my silence will say more than my words do,
as feeling sadness will matter more than death,
you asked me why was I always so sad,
but my pain cannot be expressed in words,
because I can never describe why and my reasons,
and silence for me,
is the only thing I'm ever good and best at
213 · May 16
Can You at Least Try?
Vivian May 16
There's a reason for my coldness,
my isolation,
the protective cage around me,
my prison,

So please stop whispering,
I can hear them,
You don't know anything about me,
But if you did,
it's not like you'll understand me

Just go away. It hurts a lot less.
212 · Feb 26
Vivian Feb 26
inside my head,
all I've known,
my entire life,
all I've had,
my entire life,
never ending war,
I just want it to end,
to stop fighting,
but the battle between myself and I,
will never end in peace,
and fighting,
will be my life,
a single a breath,
a moment of peace,
a time when things were like before,
someday when I can feel fine
is all I wish for,
is it too much,
to ask?,
for one day,
of just stillness,
no conflict between me,
no urge to scream,
a time,
when I can just breathe?
210 · Apr 30
Vivian Apr 30
Tall trees,
Proud, standing straight,
Growing up toward the sky,
Brave enough to face the world's skies,
199 · Feb 24
Vivian Feb 24
I am erased,
one I was bold and dark,
standing out of the page,
now I'm faded, erased,

Maybe if you looked hard enough,
you could still see the remains of me,
retrace me with your pencil,
bring life back to me,

But for now I am erased,
faded out,
no one ever reads me anymore,
or see who I am about,

Who erased me?,
it was those words that made me change,
that made me erase,

They said I wasn't worth it,
that I wasn't worth seeing,
and that there tons of new books, people,
that were actually worth reading,

They said my words were in the back,
where no one cared to read,
and that old tree were old trees,
and people only took care of the seeds,

So I erased myself,
and destroyed my scene,
but I let the words be faintly visible,
in cased anyone would retrace me.
196 · May 8
Look Again
Vivian May 8
I've seen children with blank expressions,
Living a life made of lies,
The shadow of hurt on their faces,
Hidden with a smile as their disguise

I've seen the silent tears of kids when they look down,
And I wish I could give them advice,
But when they look up and I speak,
They respond with hearts made of ice,

I've seen the old struggle as the days pass on,
But, even so, continue to try,
Despite being so alone,
And knowing that they will die,

I've seen the eyes of the tired,
All slow and wanting to close,
But still opened as they continue to work,
To care for the ones they love the most,

I've seen people in prisons,
Their words echoing regret,
Of the actions, they committed in the past,
That no one seems to get,

I've seen so many people,
Misunderstood and misread,
An unknown story behind them never heard,
After all, they only care what society has said,

I've been all these people as well as society,
The images of hope on both faces in my head,
That maybe it'll change,
Someday, before we're dead,

So don't look at a person,
And act as you know their entire story,
Because that's only one side, society,
And there's another one, one you haven't seen
188 · May 11
Vivian May 11
The page in my life,
Of you,
And folded
Ink blurred,
Fading over time,

Yet somehow,
I still can't throw it away
180 · Mar 8
Vivian Mar 8
we hide it,
we try to forget it,
but the pain will always be there,
like a shadow,
it hurts most when you are happy,
in the sunlight,
there is no limit to it,
right when you think it's at it's worse,
it is only beginning,
it can't be measured,
in numbers,
or love,
or anything,
pain is eternal,
there is no way to stop hurting,
but to wait,
until it's over,
but until then,
you're still hurting,
and waiting,
is all I can do until then,
I still am,
even now
172 · Feb 23
When I Write
Vivian Feb 23
When I write,
the world fades away,
and I only hear,
the sound of my words in my head,
faint yet strong,
urging me to go on,
the scratch of the pencil against the smooth crisp paper,
or the sound of my fingers on my keyboard,
and when I write,
I can forget,
my day,
my troubles,
the truth,
The only thing seen,
is the picture,
of what I've written,
and the world,
when I write,
it's gone,
out of my reach,
but when I write,
is when,
I can see the world,
the most,
and when it's found,
in my hands,
171 · Apr 22
No One Sees
Vivian Apr 22
No one notices it,
until it's not there anymore,

No one cares about it,
until it's visibly broken,

No one misses it,
unless it's gone,

No one sees it,
until it hates and does bad
165 · Mar 6
Vivian Mar 6
Chilly air,
dark night,
the only sound hears is your footsteps,
not a single person in sight,
you look up,
the full moon,
like a smooth white pebble,
changing over time,
like you,
it won't last forever,
like you,
the moon changes,
becomes less full,
165 · Apr 6
Wrong Words
Vivian Apr 6
The wrong words killed Hangman,
now look at what it's doing to society,
so many suicides,
so many cuts and burns,
because of your wrong words
162 · Jun 1
Vivian Jun 1
My love for you is like a star,
the uneven lights of my chalkboard sky,
the painting,
of my blank life

My love for you is like a star,
burning fire, bright,
eternally standing in the
fractured light

My love for you is like a star,
it reaches not only of the land and sea
but the air
and the beyond

My love for you is like a star
emotions dancing,
decorating feelings,
Stared upon as the sleepless

My love for you is like a star,
wishes on
bubbles of hope,
the centralization of it all

My love for you is like a star,
watching over my dreams at night
with your warmth
the reason for my peace

My love for you is like a star
but all stars,
will one day in the unfated future

My love for you is like a star
158 · Mar 1
My Fear
Vivian Mar 1
I'm afraid of heights,
they don't get it,
they say trust them,
that I won't fall,

But my fear of heights,
it's depth and height of deepness is deeper than it seems,
I can't do it,
trust that the railing,
won't let me fall,
That the bar,
won't let me down,
that you won't push me off,
that I will not fall,

I am scared of it,
my nightmares of it,
tumbling down to your death,
eyes wide in fear,
toward your last destination,
a never ending second of,

I'm scared,
that nothing,
will prevent me,
from falling,
I can't trust anymore,
that I won't fall,
that I will not fail,

when I look down,
I see me tumbling down,
with nothing to stop it,
I see myself falling to death,
with no one helping me,

I see trust,
betrayed and gone,
I see failure,
hopes crashed,
dreams stopped,
I see me,
This is my fear of heights
156 · May 23
Vivian May 23
Love has no boundaries,
as there is an endless supply of it
everywhere you see it,
through those little acts,
and what's left of kindness
in our world

But courage does,
and that is when we must break the barriers
of fear
and be brave enough to tell someone,
despite the endless possibilities of being hurt,
and vulnerable
and rejection

I love you

But sometimes walls are stronger than bridges
152 · Jun 3
Vivian Jun 3
Fragile heart
Broken world
Shattered future

With no one there to help
Fix it
150 · Jun 3
Is There
Vivian Jun 3
Is there a blue sky above the one of gray?
Is there a breath for me, air that won't get taken away?
Is there a hope,
that things will get better,
in this gloomy place?

Is there a world for me,
one that won't get destroyed?
145 · May 4
Vivian May 4
Can dawn still come,
after the darkest nights,
will the sun continue to rise,
after the biggest storms,
may I continue to breathe,
despite what's in the air?

can the clock hands still move,
after what has happened,
will my voice still speak,
even if no one listens,
may the Earth always have life,
despite what the lives had done?

Can the fire in me continue to burn,
without getting out of control,
will a new day come,
even if the world seems to be the same,
may it one day be just okay,
not even good,
just okay?
144 · Mar 20
Vivian Mar 20
I'm scared of being forgotten,
that 100 years from now on,
no one will speak,
or know of my existence anymore,
I'm scared that people who read this,
will take a look,
then never remember it,
I'm scared I'll never exist,
later in the world,
that I don't have a story that people,
will know,
that my existence will not matter to anyone,
when I die and now,
that I will  have never existed,
and be forgotten
141 · Feb 28
The Untouchable
Vivian Feb 28
The untouchable,
is who I am,
out of reach,
unable to be affected,
like the stars,
far away,
but still wished on,
hoped for
untouchable that is me,
an empty void of nothingness,
hiding who I am,
and how I feel,
careful I am,
to not get too close to the Sun,
but be close enough to sustain life

it's who I was,
never responding,
never caring,
I never said anything,
kept who I was quiet,
and distant,
but back then,
I know who I was,
I was myself,
but now,
I can't seem to remember what else is there,
besides being untouchable

it is who I always will be,
until someone brings me back,
until I can learn to trust,
to relight the fire and brush off the ashes of betrayal,
to be me again,
to be there again,
to give someone the key to my void,
and let them search the darkness for me,
let them try to find who I was,
untouchable I always will be,
until I can learn to trust again
139 · May 13
Vivian May 13
My heart bleeds for the hearts that are broken,

breaks for the ones that have been stolen,

beats quicker for the ones that are getting close to giving up

and continues its steady rhythm for the ones that are left

My heart goes to you,
every one of you,
behind this screen
133 · Mar 11
Vivian Mar 11
One day,
I hope I can scream freely,
let it all out,
what I've been bottling up in,
in my quietness
131 · May 18
Vivian May 18
I don't want to die,
but I don't want to keep on having to survive either,

I want to live,
just to be able to live

Is it too much to ask for?
129 · Jun 23
Be strong
Vivian Jun 23
There will be days
In which you will feel as if
You are suffocating
In the expectations set for you
The air no longer reached
As it gets harder and harder to breathe
Days in which you just want

There will be nights
In which will drown
In the darkness of time
Silent crying unheard
As you soak your pillow with tears
Just wanting
To sleep
And never wake up

There will be times like this
In which you have no one
To be there for you
To care for you

But until it's over
Just be strong

Always be strong
126 · Jun 8
Make It
Vivian Jun 8
Hand in hand,

you beside me,

and I know

that I will make it,

as long as you're there
124 · 3d
Vivian 3d
Just running away,
No one ever stays,
Nights are cold,
And nothing shines at day

A waterfall of tears,
Staying under shadows of fear
Struggling to stay together
Nothing ever gets better

A runaway of problems,
Rather hide than face them
Wishing for a home, never had but lost,
Truths you told but turn out to be false

Solutions that never mend,
No one there to help, no friend,
Alone in the crowd,
Silence inside despite the sound

Just running away
Nowhere left to stay
123 · Feb 24
Vivian Feb 24
I've wrapped,
the truth,
my life,
my emotions,
with layers,
of sadness,
a blanket woven,
heavy and thick,
a bundle of insecurities,
giving it the truth,
barely enough room to breathe,
I want to unwrap the truth,
but I can't bring myself to do it,
and face the truth,
and accept what's really there,
it's so hard,
to simply to lift my blanket,
of fear,
but maybe one day,
I will learn to lift my blanket,
woven with threads of,
and many more,
I will unwrap the truth,
that the world isn't perfect,
that it's a terrible place,
but there are things,
things that make it worth it,
make our world not exactly perfect,
but okay,
and I will separate,
the world from my blanket,
and let myself breathe,
I will that the way things are,
it isn't my fault,
that I'm allowed,
breathe too
123 · Jun 26
A Mess
Vivian Jun 26
Underneath the frown
Is a fragile heart
Ready to break
And shatter
A tangled mess
Of emotions
Trying to fix herself

Failing to fix herself
123 · Feb 24
Vivian Feb 24
we are all a flickering flame,
we live,
warming others,
lighting the world up,
other days,
we are a wildfire,
out of control,
there is no fire,
we are numbed out,
no sparks,
but ashes,
remains of us,
and sorrow and misery,
we all are a flame,
we all can control it our fire,
we just have to learn to do so,
control our fire
122 · Feb 27
Vivian Feb 27
They say,
you will understand when you are older,
you're too young, later, when I ask the
how come when they interview people during a crisis they don't help them?,
Why did they do that,
why don't they launch investigations when animal abuse is posted,
They say,
the world isn't fair,
older they say,
but when is "older",
which birthday, when I will wake up with all knowledge of the world,
which birthday,
will I suddenly know,
But as I get older,
the only thing I learn,
is that life,
our world,
it isn't fair,
I remember how I hated it,
when they said it,
that it isn't fair,
that's what I say now,
because that's all I can say,
I know now,
that they never,
had an answer,
that they didn't want to tell me,
or admit to themselves,
how bad the world is,
I don't ask "why" anymore,
but when someone else does,
I see it,
the look of tiredness,
of that journey,
we all are on,
to see an answer,
a reason,
And now I can't not see that look,
all searching for the same thing,
we're all alone,
by yourself,
life's not fair,
I laugh at it now I do,
is that our excuse?,
our answer?,
have we given up?,
for a cause,
a reason,
Life's not fair,
so that is our reason,
to let others take drugs,
to let people continue to destroy our ocean,
to let zoo animals endure abuse,
to let our world fall apart,
life's not fair they say,
it isn't,
but we make it fair,
I feel the journey,
the darkness surrounding us,
as we looks for more darkness,
while darkness is darkness,
and we already have it,
that the world isn't fair,
but we can change it,
it always,
and always will be the world isn't fair,
not the world isn't fair but we can change it,
until we change it,
so please,
try to,
change it all,
before it's too late,
before we are older
121 · Feb 24
Vivian Feb 24
yes you reader,
stand up,
walk in to the bathroom,
look in the mirror,
look at who you see, this stranger,
ask them if they are ok,
if they are the real you,
did they make the right choice,
do the correct thing,
ask them,
if they care about you,
ask them,
who they are,
what they are,
what does their past hold,
what does their life hold,
and is it worth it?
before you walk out,
look at them one more time,
ask them,
who they are,
are they worth it?
120 · Apr 24
Worth Nothing
Vivian Apr 24
Your words,

use to worth everything to me,

but now that I know the truths they hid,

the lies they were,

they are worth,





do they still hurt?
116 · May 26
Reason to Live
Vivian May 26
I don't live,
to breathe until there's no air,
or to climb on top of the world,
and see it all from above,

I don't live,
to continue to put that mask
of a smile on my face,
so I can survive,

I don't live,
to watch other's breathe,
as I drown,
in the waters of despair

I don't live for any of that,
or this

I live for you
115 · Mar 5
In the Wind
Vivian Mar 5
Inn the wind,
Dreams fly,
In the wind,
Darkness blows
In the wind,
People soar,
In the wind,
People fall,
In the wind,
people move on,
In the wind,
because can't move in fear,
In the wind,
it's all chance,
and luck
114 · May 16
No One Loves Me
Vivian May 16
What? They just don't.
I mean, they might care.
But that's not the same thing. Or enough.
Or I'm just a selfish brat.

Why would I know?
113 · Feb 24
The Night
Vivian Feb 24
The night,
is when my imagination comes,
I feel my ideas,
growing, growing,
into trees,

I feel sparks,
turning into a fire,
I feel myself feeding it wood,
with flames tall, that I admire

the darkness around me,
it feeds me light,
my ideas, my words

the darkness,
it hides possibilities,
that only my imagination can see,

I can't sleep,
my ideas take me to a journey,
that only I can see

The journey,
it's worth it,
but sometimes,
I just want to sleep
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