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5d · 127
Vivian 5d
Just running away,
No one ever stays,
Nights are cold,
And nothing shines at day

A waterfall of tears,
Staying under shadows of fear
Struggling to stay together
Nothing ever gets better

A runaway of problems,
Rather hide than face them
Wishing for a home, never had but lost,
Truths you told but turn out to be false

Solutions that never mend,
No one there to help, no friend,
Alone in the crowd,
Silence inside despite the sound

Just running away
Nowhere left to stay
Jul 6 · 29
Who we Need
Vivian Jul 6
Sometimes all we need
Is a person to make you smile
Not the kind of smile followed by I'm fine
And your heart threatening to break into pieces
Under lies
But the kind of smile that makes your eyes shine
Despite the dullness of life
With a person besides you willing to stick up for you
And be there to not wipe away your tears
But form an ocean together with their own
The friend that fills the hole in your heart with hope
And a new faith in humanity
And our world
The one that doesn't know what to say
But says the right things anyways
That makes mistakes with you
Laughing them off with you
And standing up to try again together
One who will stay up late talking about love
And crushes and homework
Someone who can trust you enough to breakdown in front of you
And ask you for help
A person who is not perfect and you get in fights with
But you always make up later forgetting what
You were even arguing about
A human who treats you like one

A friend who can remind you what a real smile is like
When you forget by faking them so much

But don't wait for the friend to come up to you
And the magical moment of clicking
Don't waste time like that

Instead be that friend
That person
The one
That human
The someone

Make somoney else's life happier and soon
So will yours
Jul 2 · 41
Into the Light
Vivian Jul 2
In the rayless unlighted times of dusk,
Veiled lights bury themselves away from the eye,
The beacon's sight to design the path
To bridge the fractured cosmos
Of a dimming world
Now lay untouched glint of twilight

Lilac skies grasp for the sapphire created by daybreak
Ghosts of stars now dip down to the horizon
Until night's calling carry alive flares back
A flame of memories that now glimmers with faith
Blazing and radiant

When the orange sun sinks to the ocean waves
And the illuminating glow is watched by many
Once again courage takes us in,
Tends us with the sprinkle of painted galaxies
Engulfing us with hope

Through the shadowed earth
Following the lantern of the air
To meet dawn's light
Taking the road only known by emotion
And a trace of a wish
Walking to the lost
Only to be found

As we stand
to hold the flashing ray that gleams
despite the emptiness
and rage caged into the beating heart
Shining at imagination's fantasy
In its yearning dreams
That sparkle despite mistrust

And stepping into the light
we go

Into the light
Jul 2 · 39
A Torn Photograph
Vivian Jul 2
Fallen angels,
burn in the snow,
demons find their way in, slow
days stretch longer,
just trying to remember

Lights dim,
people smile,
laughter echoes,
but the past finds you, away by a mile

Open book,
Bit by bit,
a tiny fraction
troubled mind slips away

But running can only get you so far,
never hidden, always seen
through the dark into the stars,
found and scared,

The past hurts so much now
Just trying to forget it all,
Can't do anything about it
So tear it up
Ripped and broken
future is all that is left
But in the end
All is seen is a torn photograph

But running can only get you so far,
never hidden, always seen
through the dark into the stars,
found and scared,

A torn photograph,
burned away,
a fireplace with ashes of remains
A day where light never reached,
A faded memory took,
to be able to see,
to only have it be broken

The past hurts so much now
Just trying to forget it all,
Can't do anything about it
So tear it up
Ripped and broken
future is all that is left
But in the end
All is seen is a torn photograph

A torn photograph
Jul 2 · 34
Vivian Jul 2
At the horizons line
Where the sun meets the earth
I can feel freedom waiting for me
At the daytime'a birth
When the shadow casted falls
The glow of the moon shines me a path
Erase the lies, restart it all
No more fake laughs
Lean on someone
Let it all go
Feel the breeze in the hot sun
Feel the tears flow

Free at last
I stand today
Under painted skies
And blades of grass

Free at last
Jun 29 · 47
Hope at a New Day
Vivian Jun 29
Two bright roads
Of promise
At the edge of harm
Despite distance
To create a single bridge for me
Over my tears
Jun 28 · 104
Vivian Jun 28
I am the small rowboat
Tied to the pier under darkening skies
Promising storms
Of thunder and lightning
Wanting to be set free
Into the oceans
As I wait
With the lonely feeling
Sinking me
For the sea
Jun 28 · 75
Vivian Jun 28
A tapestry woven
Of chameleon threads
And colliding worlds
That sing bravery
As we take the first step on slippery ground
Despite dinning doubts that speak inside
And the cast shadow of the broken lives
That haunt us wherever we go
Except in fantasy
Where we are blind by eye
But still have vision by heart
Jun 28 · 390
Vivian Jun 28
My heart's beating faster
Seeing those eyes
Shades of blue and green
And some will say
That this feeling is a lie
But for now I stare
Into your eyes
Jun 27 · 226
Vivian Jun 27
Nothing can replace the things you
lost to change
Jun 26 · 86
Vivian Jun 26
Mirror, mirror on the wall

When will death finally call?

Lifeless body, no word or fight

No one comforts at last sight

Some will cry, some won't care

No one will know that I'm there

Buried 6 feet under in the ground

Is my escape, my way out
Jun 26 · 52
2 AM
Vivian Jun 26
I was just crying really, really hard
Tears running down my face
Heart cracking with emotion
Pillow stained
Silently sobbing

Trying to keep it together
When my life was falling apart
Trying to tell myself
That it's okay
When it was anything but that

Quietly sneaking to the bathroom
Looking in the mirror
Seeing my cheeks and eyes red and tired
Realizing how broken I was
How broken I am

Closing my eyes
Fighting back oceans worth of crying
Biting my lip
Sinking to the floor
Reminding myself to be strong
That I'll make it

And desperately just trying to find a will to live
Jun 26 · 124
A Mess
Vivian Jun 26
Underneath the frown
Is a fragile heart
Ready to break
And shatter
A tangled mess
Of emotions
Trying to fix herself

Failing to fix herself
Jun 23 · 132
Be strong
Vivian Jun 23
There will be days
In which you will feel as if
You are suffocating
In the expectations set for you
The air no longer reached
As it gets harder and harder to breathe
Days in which you just want

There will be nights
In which will drown
In the darkness of time
Silent crying unheard
As you soak your pillow with tears
Just wanting
To sleep
And never wake up

There will be times like this
In which you have no one
To be there for you
To care for you

But until it's over
Just be strong

Always be strong
Jun 23 · 69
Vivian Jun 23
I am nothing
But a tattered photo
Of a fading memory
Wanting to be remembered
Yet disappearing too quickly
For someone to notice the empty space
Where I once stood
Jun 22 · 40
Search for Home
Vivian Jun 22
I don't know anything
or anyone

The broken streets,
singing sorrow,
and the tumbling memories,
of what was had,
and now gone

I have never felt so alone
Desperate for another hand to hold,
to share my troubles,
and lean on
another one,
to care for

The sun sets,
creating a gradient in the sky,
of blue and pink and orange,
as it sinks toward the ground,
and the moon rises,
leaving its eerie glow
for all that's in me to wonder

Will I ever find what I've been looking for,
fill that hole dug into my heart,
end the grief slowly drowning me
in my own tears?

I hope so,
that somewhere,
among the stars,
a world sits,
still in the solitude,
trying to find the last piece,
to complete itself
That its wishes will be answered,
and dreams will no longer be crashed,
but instead, waken up to,
in reality

Does such a thing exist,
despite the crumbling world,
shattered and broken,
trying to hide from itself,
in front of the mirror,
to escape its reflection?

Somewhere out there,
among the piles of ash,
and memories,
yearning to be remembered,
and noted,
a fire still burns,
a flicker still stands,
the light still reaches out,
and the hearth
still continues to warm the dead

Will I ever find that fire?
The courage,
to change?
To light up what's left of this world?
Even after what it has done?

The delicate threads of what's left,
still, somehow remain connected,
knots still strong,
stubborn strings,
slowly unraveling itself
to finally,
seek a truth,
in a place made up of lies

Will it ever come to me?
Realization after all these years,
Will something,
ever be different?

Hearts beat,
and love exists,
yet emotions still destroy,
and the ones betrayed,
slowly breathe,
their last breath,
in rejection

I want to let time
heal these scars
and wounds,
but sometimes pain is too unbearable,
and I just can't be patient

made of deep care,
and hope,
and happiness,
are now destroyed
through hatred

I just want someone to be there for me
I have no idea what I'm doing
Jun 21 · 97
Vivian Jun 21
A whisper sent from the sea
One lone leaf rustling in the wind
A sun rise never seen to meet the morning sky
One chance gone
Another day
Just the same
Dulled by choice
Between you and I
Jun 17 · 92
Vivian Jun 17
You can't forget love
Healing doesn't work like that
Ignoring won't solve it
Instead just embrace your pain
And let out the tears you have been holding back
Stay true to yourself

And let time do its job
Jun 17 · 49
Vivian Jun 17
Creation in my hands
Trembling with potential
Closed eyes
Nothing seen
Except the power of one's mind

Imagination dances around me
Hopes after so long came true
Wishes held close to heart
Let out

Do what I want to
Control of it all
Life hidden in each thing
Waiting for discovery

Played so many times
Now held in the stable picture
Of reality

Yet we all have to open our eyes
We all have to open our eyes

And let go
Of what we've held on for
So long

The dreamer will always wake up
Jun 17 · 27
Only a Flicker Left
Vivian Jun 17
Only a flicker of a light
Still burns
In the beating of my heart

A flame once stood
Proud and tall
Now sits in a pile of ashes

A personality
Now doused by water
No longer warming in fame

A day where the night is dark
And coldness takes over
Gathered people stand around the hearth

To see the crumbled remains
Of the love and care
That once shone there

Only a flicker is left

Only a flicker
Jun 13 · 32
Lonely Choir
Vivian Jun 13
Voice strung out,

Melody reaching toward the sky,

Brave and alone,

piercing the night breeze,

Tears and sounds sang into one song

Over and over,

Soft, yet loud enough to be seen

Closed eyes,

And you sing,

As the lonely choir begins again
Jun 13 · 61
Vivian Jun 13
Life is a war
And a choice
After all, how much blood is spilled,
still is decided by you,
As so is how many burdens you have to carry
So ready or not,
Choose your battles well
Jun 12 · 27
Vivian Jun 12
It's the same every day,
never changing,
same face,
same body,
never different,

just the same lie,
told over and over,

will the truth ever hit them?

I don't know

What I do know,
is that it's not the same,
everything's changed,


The battles inside my mind,
how many tears I shed for you
the way I smile,
the way I feel,
my heart,
which is now broken

has changed,

But when you look at me,
I suppose you don't see it

They never do
Jun 12 · 30
Vivian Jun 12
Have you seen the river waters,
on a stormy day?
Gray and blue waves,
crashing into each other,
as they sink upon the rain
Humid air,
the scent of fresh grass,
as you stand, watching outside the window,
waiting for the sun to rise again

Have you seen the trees
on a windy day?
Branches waving a sweet hello
as you walk past,
leaves swirling in the breeze,
a swaying song,
bringing you back
to your roots

Have you seen how fast the clouds float by,
when you let patience takes it course?
Staring eyes watch intently,
as they walk across the blue sky,
as you stand,
small in the big world?

Have you felt the power of the earth,
compared to yourself,
the channeling demand,
as you are just one of
the many,
Yet in your hands,
holds possibility
as you can still bring change?
Jun 12 · 60
Vivian Jun 12
If the empty void
of the universe,
and space,
is my heart,
then you would be my star,
shining a path,
for me,
when nothing else seems to work
Jun 12 · 39
Vivian Jun 12
I think about the lonely souls,
that wander,
silent, invisible tears,
in our suffocating world

I think about the broken hearts,
holding onto the ruins of their home,
shattered by rejection,
taken over by hate,
of their fallen life

I think about the cracking masks,
slowly showing their true faces in despair,
smiles that represent laughter,
but really mean sadness,
as we all, choose to hide

I think about the word "okay",
which is merely another lie,
told throughout the day to one's self,
hoping to cover a truth,
too big to bear

I think it all,
felt it all,
experienced it all,
and know it all

Yet I've never,
had someone else be there for me,
through it all
Jun 8 · 127
Make It
Vivian Jun 8
Hand in hand,

you beside me,

and I know

that I will make it,

as long as you're there
Jun 4 · 45
I Wish I Knew
Vivian Jun 4
If it all comes to an end,
no beginning to future

If the questions never asked,
have the most needed answers

If the photos that are taken to remember,
still, fade out to nothing

If there is no one beside you,
to hold you when you cry

If the expectations are too hard to reach,
far from reality

If no one cares,
enough to love

How does one expect me to live by,
and not want to die?
Jun 3 · 51
Vivian Jun 3
If there's a future left
One that will heal
The scarred past and the broken present
Change how I feel

If there's still a sun
Above the storms of gray clouds
As not enough light gets in
No blue sky to be found

If thoughts finally take over
Emotions destroy logic of the mind
Tears flood out, oceans made
Things never the same

If this journey of life
Becomes too unbearable to walk
Choices chosen wrong, roads haunt
Tired eyes, face gaunt

If it all comes to you
The weight on your shoulders
Will you carry it up for me
Give me back normal again
And let the world finally see?
No pressure of course no pressure
Jun 3 · 43
Vivian Jun 3
If there's a place for shaking,
shivering hands,
worried minds,

If there's a home to dying,
a countdown to your end,
no one beside you,
at your very last breath

If there's a place that welcomes the running,
hiding from the fear,
one where rest is allowed,
and the tired can close their eyes

If there's a place that starts it all,
the fires and the rage,
the one that ruins it all,
shattering in it's disgrace

If there's a place that does it all,
I truly hope
it would be
our world
Jun 3 · 151
Is There
Vivian Jun 3
Is there a blue sky above the one of gray?
Is there a breath for me, air that won't get taken away?
Is there a hope,
that things will get better,
in this gloomy place?

Is there a world for me,
one that won't get destroyed?
Jun 3 · 65
Midnight Lovers
Vivian Jun 3
We're midnight lovers
You and I
Instead of being the sun that shines
We are the stars that you wish
Late in the night

We're midnight lovers
In daylight we hide
No word exchanged
But as the clock ticks by
We hold each other
The moon of the night

We're midnight lovers
Unseen with each other
Yet found in our dreams
That keep us alive

We're midnight lovers
You and I

But sometimes
I wish the sun would shine a bit more
In this life
Jun 3 · 152
Vivian Jun 3
Fragile heart
Broken world
Shattered future

With no one there to help
Fix it
Jun 2 · 72
Shaky Ground
Vivian Jun 2
Our love stands on shaky ground
Threatening to break any moment
One more collision
And it collapses
Crashing down into piles of dust

With no way to ever rebuild again
Jun 1 · 55
Vivian Jun 1
It should be simple,
you like me or you don't,
I'm either happy or heartbroken

But then my emotions get in the way
and things just get complicated

Jun 1 · 73
Vivian Jun 1
I want to climb a ladder,
to the top of the sky,
and breathe the air up there,
and know it all

I want to see things from above,
and have that feeling of pride,
to be on top of the world,
the confidence to fly

I want to see it all,
know it all,
breathe it all
and feel it all

I just want something for myself
Jun 1 · 41
Vivian Jun 1
Fuzzed images,
and disoriented,

in the swarm
of normal people

Creepy feeling,
shivers and shaking,
still in fear

Real enough to be touched
yet thoughts still flicker
back to reality

Seeing what can't be seen,
feeling what isn't there,
but it doesn't feel like a dream

But confusion snaps you back,
and you know it wasn't real,
just you

But it wasn't a nightmare either
Jun 1 · 49
Vivian Jun 1
the possibilities are forgotten,
in its stillness

to be
useful again

For someone,
who can appreciate,
who can

Yet time
and time again
don't come true

As everything
slowly fades away
to a memory
Jun 1 · 162
Vivian Jun 1
My love for you is like a star,
the uneven lights of my chalkboard sky,
the painting,
of my blank life

My love for you is like a star,
burning fire, bright,
eternally standing in the
fractured light

My love for you is like a star,
it reaches not only of the land and sea
but the air
and the beyond

My love for you is like a star
emotions dancing,
decorating feelings,
Stared upon as the sleepless

My love for you is like a star,
wishes on
bubbles of hope,
the centralization of it all

My love for you is like a star,
watching over my dreams at night
with your warmth
the reason for my peace

My love for you is like a star
but all stars,
will one day in the unfated future

My love for you is like a star
May 31 · 49
Missing You
Vivian May 31
It's been one week without you,
tired nights,
no sleep,
wondering thinking,
aching feeling,
a hole in my heart,
made of love
as big as the sun,
yet it's light can't get through
I try to tell myself that you'll be back soon,
and I know you will,
but somehow,
I can't stop

Missing you
May 31 · 81
Vivian May 31
There is an hour in which darkness falls,
and the presence of the past stands,
haunting footsteps walking alone,
the occasional cold wind blows

Fireflies circle around the bushes,
snoring sounds of sleep,
crickets chirp in the distance,
the life still existing, sweet

Whispering secrets carried in the breeze,
as the startling people walk past by,
the eternal space less alone,
the minutes stretching longer as dreams fly

Streetlights shine above, tall,
the comfort of the forever street,
cars drive past, headlights speak,
Rows and rows of houses, as roads meet

The moon glows, full,
The nighttime sounds sing,
feelings and emotions tangled in the brisk air,
dancing, replacing the unseen stars in the chalkboard sky

Eerie feeling past the dark alleyways,
everywhere lost and forgotten mysteries,
the wailing of the Earth screams,
But still, darkness does not flee

At this second, the shadows of the moon fall,
but look closely again,
and although the night time remains, no sun to be seen,
nightlights glow, in our dreams
May 30 · 50
Vivian May 30
There are days,
when I stare at the ceilings,
during those sleepless nights,
and try to close my eyes,
and be swallowed by darkness,
but thoughts wonder,
as so do I,
and sometimes I question,
what it would be like to die

No pain,
no misery,
nothing at all,
still and lifeless body,
no cared about me anyways after all,
just one knife,
could do it,
end everything

I don't want to keep on having to lie,
to smile,
when I really want to cry,
I don't want to keep having to put my heart back together,
to be broken again
So why not just let the blood spill,
and commit the ****?

And that's when tears start rushing out,
emotions flooding me,
plunging into waterfalls of despair,
because I don't know what to anymore,
Someone gave me a life,
And now I just want to return it,
as every breath I take,
is another one taken away

So why not just end it all,
end this night,
destroy this life,
save other people the trouble,
and save me the tears,
worth of oceans,
in the years to come

I don't know anymore,
I just don't know
May 30 · 56
Vivian May 30
The ghosts
of the once short peace,
keep seeing war,
and refuse to fight it,

The ghosts,
of the once sweet love,
only know hatred now,
but still, try to find it

The ghosts,
of the once existing kindness,
feel the cruelty that has ruined our worlds
but keep on doing them

The ghosts,
of the broken trust,
are still hurt of betrayal
but continue to let people in

The ghosts,
of what is left,
are fading away,
but yet still here

The ghosts,
of happiness,
have died of sadness,
but see joy

The ghosts,
of hope,
know that it's not the truth
but don't lie either

The ghosts,
of the air taken away,
dead of the past,
live on for a better future

If they're here,

I know they'll do it for you

They'll do it for us

For humanity
May 30 · 23
One by One
Vivian May 30
Crumbling buildings,
only ashes left,
heard screams,
silent voices,

One by one,

Fires blazing,
mad and angry,
piles of bodies getting higher,
people dying,

One by one,

Tears running down faces,
at the last goodbyes,
running away,
taking the journey led by hope

One by one,

Broken worlds,
shattered by war,
no one lives,
survival is the only way out

One by one

No family left,
gone, withered away,
no home either,
destroyed and taken

One by one

Blank-faced children,
who've seen too much,
no word but silence,
comfort pushed away

One by one,

As everyday, we get closer,
to destruction,
as every breath we take,
is another taken away

One by one

One by one
May 29 · 30
It's Not Easy
Vivian May 29
Broken heart,
swollen eyes,
blank face,
no meaning to life,

World of lies,
incomplete story,
lost home,
burning city

You tell me to get over it,
that the sun will rise again,
but for now, I only know grays skies and storms,
as it's not that easy

I want to give it all a purpose,
but it's just too hard,
and death,
is still a valid choice

So don't tell me that things happen,
I know they do,
but they're not that easy,
it's never easy

Tears run down,
the broken breaking,
the trust shattering,
everything failing

And if I could,
I know I would heal it all,
but scars don't fade like that,
it's not that easy

So if the knife still kills,
and the dark red still spills,
I just wanted to tell you,
I really tried

Even despite the fact,
it was never easy,

So please don't blame me,
please don't give me that tired look,
Look at my never closed red eyes,
I'm exhausted too

But for now, I'll put on my mask,
smile like it's alright,
lie and lie,
though it's not that easy

I'll walk through it all,
take the first step,
but it's not easy

So please don't tell me that I'm not helping,
I'm not,
and I never will,
but remember it's not that easy

So until it all ends,
I'll live like it's normal again,
and I know it's not that easy,
but so be it,
I'll still try

So if the sky has to cry for tears to stop,
if the even doing so drowns us and waters reach to the top,
then I guess I'll do it,
even if it's not that easy

But it's never easy,
and it never will be

So I guess the least I can do
is try

To just try
May 28 · 35
Vivian May 28
It's hard to tell what's right,

and what's wrong at times,

they always tell us to pick the choice that does people the best,

yet we still choose,

the worse,

but mostly,

we stay in the middle,

an uncertain group, trying to figure out,

the right thing,

too afraid to make the first step,

like this poem,

too scared to be written and read in judging eyes,

yet still as a writer, typing I stand,

and strive,

to try
May 28 · 28
Vivian May 28
I stare into your eyes, lowered as tears slide off your eyelashes,

like dewdrops in the bright green leaves of the morning sun,

for an answer, a word, anything,

as I feel waterworks rising up in me, my emotions jumping into waterfalls of despair

On this summer day, in which in any other situation, would have called for ice cream and laughter,

runs across the untamed grass, swaying in the breeze,

jumping into clear pools to escape the sun's heat

yet this isn't any other day,

this is today,

I look at you one more time,

As I cry, waters enough the fill oceans come out of me

Trying to remember all the good times and every part of you,

Looking for courage,

in fear that saying it will make it become reality,

as there is still hope this is just a nightmare

to say

May 28 · 40
Vivian May 28
I long for the home that lies in the night-time star
hidden in wonders of swirling galaxies,
standing still, a flicker in the unreachable far
somewhere the light of my moonless nights, waiting to be found

I long for the love that happens at the sunset beach,
the yellow bringing down the day heat,
for the time of darkness's coolness behind it as it sinks
emotions and hopes flying up and fluttering as watching eyes blink

I long for the friend who will always be there for me,
Yet some wishes are like ripped up ribbons, broken lace
As I am forever, trying to look for someone willing to be,
the person who brings the smile on my face

I long for a day that lies in the unfated future of possibility,
waiting to be lived in a never-happening tomorrow
A time, one moment, that has been too given up to come true
Someday, when I can say I'm okay and mean it

I long for a trust that will never be broken,
glass never shattered, no nightmares caused,
no worries and remembered promises
yet still I look into the mirror, staring at the reflection of reality

I long for you, as you are all of these things,
my home, love, hopes, and dreams,
you're who I live for, to this day, who I imagine when it's hard,
you're everything, everything in the world to me

Yet still, I sit in my chair, looking outside the window,
at dim gray skies, no sun to be found, covered by clouds,
through the unexplored worlds in the universe of wishing for light,

As I stare longingly
May 27 · 46
Vivian May 27
Sometimes I have these
moments of time
in which the nights always stand still,
and sleepless

A cycle that goes on and on,
with wide opened eyes
waiting for the emptiness void to take over the mind
and give it peace,
from my life

As thoughts and wonders go loose,
speaking to me,
unwritten poems and songs singing in my head,
stanzas forming,
As tears fall for no reason at all,
except the hope to cry me to sleep

Nights in which the moon shines in the dark sky
lit by the occasional cars that go by,
as no one stays awake,
except me tonight

Endless periods of quietness,
waiting for the sun to rise
dead silence
as no cricket even chirps its song
at this hour

Times where nothing is awake,
except for me,
who looks out the window
onto the paved streets,
waiting for something to come by

are the moments,
in which I feel alive
May 27 · 91
Vivian May 27
It's only when I was already falling,

When I finally let go of the cliff of my hope

you held your hand out to me

despite the many chances before

when I was hanging on to the end

You did it when it was too late
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