The guy with the deep red hair
Feasting on blood red wine
To drown his bleeding red heart
In sorrow with his red rimmed eyes,

Sulking in pure rusty despair
With his red rusted hair
As his rusted feelings push through air
For which he received a rusted affection to bear

Full of projections of hollow care
The games he played, it wasn't fair
Hearts he sets on fire like his flaming hair Warming his cold heart with empty promises and hollow dares

I am a wallpaper
Glued to love you on the wall
To just see you and stutter
Never to feel your love and all

Yet you peel me off the wood
Wear me and tear me off my place
Waiting to see if you would
One day replace me in a sudden daze

I'm hurt but can't complain
What I am to you is expendable
To recieve silently all the pain
To ruin me into nothing but rubble

You wreck me and cause me to crumble
All I wanted was for you to notice
That I am loving and humble
For me to be your loving cover

I am a familiar creak in your floorboards,
A poignant sound ringing inside your skull,
A tiny screech in the desert of your shattered thoughts,
Keeping you awake with many restless nights,
Hauntingly humming to the tune of my broken life,
For I am familiar creak in your floorboards.

Even when the greatest clouds came to raise you up,
Higher than what I could reach with my ***** hands,
I am there to watch your fall from grace,
To laugh in mirth as you tumble down your house of cards,
To sink you further down the pit with force so harsh,
And then coddle you back into my sickly embrace.

For I am a familiar creak in your floorboards,
A ghost so restless from our immature past,
Between torn sheets and dilapidated beds,
Across pillows and saliva covered bedheads,
For I am a the one you always seem to regret,
An afterthought in your every waking moment.

In the darkest hour of his darkest night,
A man sat hunched with his dwindling light,
A sliver of hope behind all his fright,
Memories keeping him from giving up the fight,
For he just needed to make it through alright.

In the deepest crevice in his hollow heart,
Like an ancient piece of forgotten art,
Lay his very soul that keeps falling apart,
Every second stung like a poison dart,
His very being crumbles part by part.

In his sickened body runs so many a mark,
In his bloodless skin looks so very stark,
In his hollow head the eyes became dark,
Lifeless and empty as an abandoned park,
His parched throat struggling to bark.

He just needed to pass through tonight,
Keeping all the monsters at bay with all his might,
Making most of the warmth from his dying light,
And yet after all this senseless flee and flight,
His very old friend found him and said 'Goodnight'.

When women ****, 'tis a blessing,
As they drug an innocent young man,
Shedding his clothes for the reaping,
And then blame him for being a man,

When women beat, 'tis funny,
As they drag the guy crying for help,
His blood dripping as thick as honey,
Women laughing at his painful yelp,

When women lie, 'tis truth when she cries,
You'll be called a sexist if you don't believe, For when women do visciously decieve,
All the knights in the land rally and rise,

And without a careful judgement of the court,
A man was sentenced to the living morgue,
Behind bars of steel inside a stone fort,
Rotting inside like his fellow corpses.

The Dark ominous corridor beckons at me
In my mind, deep within delicious Agony
Reminding me of moments of my Idiocy
A weakness to Purge by hurting me.

Pierce my Eyes so I can't see
Carve it from its own sockets free
I'll cry myself in ****** tears of glee
For these lenses sinned by looking at thee

Shut my Mouth so I can't  speak
Or taste kisses that make me weak
Sew it up with threads so thick
For these lips have sinned kissing a *****

Cut my whole Body and throw it in a bag
From my head to my torso and my every leg
With my pounded bones and flesh turned to rag
For my whole body sinned, your touch I still beg

And lastly for the finale of my Purification
Take my Heart away as a final decision
Rip it all out with reckless abandon
For it sinned, loving you with devotion

For hurting Myself is my final solution
My penance and truth from this horrid Illusion
An act I will make with my own volition
To ******* own love for thee with Self Mutilation.

You are me in another body,
The same soul split in two,
A double dose of insanity,
From all things we share and do,
Both full of poise and profanity,

A Recluse and a Star,
We are both bright and dim,
Born of Love and War,
We are pushed to Sanity's rim,
Both so near yet so far,

You are the emmisary of Hope,
As I am the envoy of Despair,
You are the kind Antelope,
As I am a terrifying Bear,
Together we gently Develop,

To be relentless and cruel,
Yet just, kind and fair,
To be Iron Handed on our Rule,
Yet Gentle like a Mother's Care,
To both be the King and the Fool,

For you are my twin,
My other side of the cosmos,
My hollowed soul piece within,
My piece of Olympus in Erebos,
For we exist in each other's skin.

Is waking up everyday a sweet life warranty?
Or is it the most cruel punishment for people like me?
You see, everyday is a Sea of Perpetual Agony,
What with my head filled with Stress and Anxiety,
With all my warped and f*cked up perception of reality.

With all the voices urging me to fail, for every step is steep,
The flashes of graves and coffins are memories I'm forced to keep,
With it in my dark Void of a bedroom I wallow and weep,
For even if I try to fight a little, I always trip,
Always landing in the pit of Depression hurting me with it's jagged tip.

You see, everytime I stand at a crowded grocery aisle,
I feel my stomach lurch and taste the bitter rising bile,
Even when I am ready to bolt and cover up the mile,
I just crumple there, a wheezing and weeping heaping pile,
Frozen yet I am burning in a hellish pyre made up of unwanted people smiles.

You see, people close to me kept trying to ease with a high cost,
To bring out the Happy in me from my heart covered in biting frost,
To make my eyes shine which already have an emotionless gloss,
To find 'Me', yet answer a question I have asked most,
How can you have found me if I myself am lost?

You see, every part of me screams in absolute Pain and Anguish,
Everyday a lethal poison more caustic than it is feverish
For every word I hear, claws from a monster so fiendish,
A cruel reality with dark creatures full of malevolence, ready to ravish,
You see... this is why for me Death is a welcome friend and my dying wish.

I flung myself in a sudden reckless abandon
Strung myself with every willing person
Drenched in lust for a quick action
Needing the rush to feel a sensation

The thrill of seeking hearts
The feel of touching parts
Needing to find my own inspiration
By the way of candied prostitution

Needing to find the right heat
Grinding to find the right beat
Seasoned with the salty tears of fame
Glazed in bitter-sweet laughs of shame.

This syrupy tongue who went through mouths
These amber sapped eyes taking away doubt
This dripping voice who tells sweet acid lies
Behind the truth of cheating everyone else denies

For one such person is ready to give
As much as he is ready to recieve
The poisoned berries of adultery and sin
Like the flaming desire of someone from within

For what makes someone who yearns
Find love in dizzying patterns
So broken and loss with none to please
One who just wanted to find aching release

Teach me to love you right
So that I can love you best
Teach me to how to fight
So you can worry less

Teach me to care for you
By caring for me too
This mutual thing we do
It is what binds us two

Teach me to crave you more
So that I'll miss you when I bore
Teach me to hate you more
So that I can love you forevermore

Teach me to entirely forget
What and where broken hearts went
Teach me to rememeber sorrows, so I can cry myself wet
Teach me to smile for tomorrow, so I can laugh at memories when we met

Teach me to say goodbye
To you dear my heart still flies
Teach me never to pass by
So I can keep going on, 'til this heartache dies

Once we were agents of peace and prosperity
Using Nature's gifts for love and harmony
We always heal and never hurt
For we bring healing and love into this earth

We always lived without insecurity
Never in our minds came rebelry
For we live as good as we can be
And never thread the path to obscurity

But once we were also set aflame
By merciless acts to us, our great shame
The ****** of someone we love
Or the theft of precious things we did have

An infamous thing done to us
A dangerous thing came crashing fast
Scars began to form in body and soul
Reminding us of things most foul

The jilting of a sweet lovely human
The genocide done by something inhuman
The taking of an artifact we kept and protected
The petty tricks of humans, we are abused and molested

Now we cry in despair for the Dark
A last resort for the Pain and Mark
A deadly art we dared trespass
For we crave vengeance and execute it we must

For love and redemption
Evil actions of our own volition
Lost in the embrace of Oblivion
The last move we have in Preparation

To be born is innate
Yet we change a lot
Challenging our fate
And trying to cut the knot

To face our fears
To conjure our strengths
To love one so dear
And travel great lengths

To change our skin
Like a trickster fox
To bare all within
And go outside the box

Our time we all but borrow
Wisely must be spent
Through the great dark sorrow
And the great joy of content

For this human strife
Alone we fiercely met
To be one with life
And be at peace with death

I am a broken man
Broken beyond repair
Fallen deep into despair
Torched to ash like a straw man

I am a broken man
Crushed into fine shiny powder
Fragments of a ruined wonder
Now feeling empty like the Morrigan

Tempted to take the Scythe for the Hammer
I chained myself in desperation
A fools decision for a reparation
Death in turn I hunger

For life is a sweet ardor
The bitter sweet taste of reconnaissance
The salt and spice of resilience
'Tis what a broken man yearns with fervor

Must we hurt ourselves
Diving into the fray?
Must we **** ourselves
Hoping in misery?

Shall we beat ourselves
On being an imbecile?
Shall we treat ourselves
Lower than we feel?

Shall we pick roses
Thorns and bladed leaves
Blood-red colors in corsets
Of Pain and Lust that lives

I cried for no apparent reason
I sobbed and teared my way out
Silently without any reason
I wailed hollowly as I silently shout

I laughed for not a single thing in mind
Smiling at everything in bliss
I stared wide eyed like in treasures we find
But deep in me something is amiss

The hollow feeling of something which is not there
The slight tingling of my numb soul
The feverish and endless hunger I bear
The empty shell drained from a gaping hole

I am born to be as one destined
To feel agony and joy
I have virtue yet I sinned
In deep eternity the lord's broken envoy

Of deep hatred and much love
The fear and bravery both halves
Like the flying crow and dove
I am a Yin and Yang created by the One Above.

I'll pick you a bouquet
Just for your special day
We will meet once again
So long has it been

As I pick these lovely pieces
To pile on cold stone places
To stare at you in silence
I begin to reconnaissance

Moments we had of each other
Laughter and tears together
The fun and high we had
And terrible moments so bad

Of these memories we share
Forever I will bear
In sickness and in health
'Til death do us part

But my dear lovely star
You went away too far
Embraced an old friend
And death with you happened

I hunger for anything
A dangerous feeling
Greed to me beckoning
To devour myself in wanting

I hunger for all beings
Be it be beasts or non living
A horrible truth so appaling
Yet it keeps me craving

I hunger for what I had
I hunger for what I have
I hunger most for love
I hunger for everything I can't have

I fear in your mouth a single thought of power
An uncertain word yet so vast for me to ponder
An inconsiderable adverb you began to consider
That at a certain time-frame  I will ease or suffer

The thrill and suspense rising
Anxiousness and nausea in me boiling
My sleepless nights never ending
My broken mind always just thinking

Have you no mercy for  a feeble creature as I?
For every word is Provident as you let them fly
My poor soul aches, agony and anguish combine
In my mind helpless thoughts divide

For what may have been done is an answer
Of uncertainty and forsaking with crooked laughter
As I asked if I can have you forever
You said SOON so now I'll restlessly wonder

I like to be with you yet I can't
Because I need to go back alone
And it hurts as we speak in silence
A voiceless conversation of helpless air.

In this dim lit monotonous world
I see myself in a bottomless urn
Not knowing what to do
Not knowing who to go to

I'll smile
Even if the weather seemed pale
Even if seasons came harsh
Even if the rain won't stop

I'll smile
Through every heartache
Through every physical and mental pain
Through every moment of grief and sorrow

I'll smile
For every person I meet
For every person I bid farewell
For every person I lost

I'll smile
Even when I can't seem to do
Even when my lips won't move
Even when I cry my endless tears

I'll smile
Because it makes everything easier
Because in it a hope blossoms deeper
Because it makes the pain weaker

I'll smile
Through every memory I'll have
Through every trips I've come and gone
Through every trials and blessings I recieve

I'll smile
A word I will keep
For a promise it will be
In death a promise It will be

I'll smile for you
For me, my friends and family
For someone to remember me
My smiling face the only memory

I lost myself
In a bubbling stream
Of chaos and doubts
Blinded by anxiety
Full of vanity I was
A total insanity
Wanting to fit in
Wanting to mingle
Wanting to be them
I am but a copycat
In this lonely cesspool
No one seemed to know
I am dying silently inside
When times get dark
I always play it along
I pretend to not notice
I have changed so much
I became nothing like me
I was who I am

You are my light
As well as my darkness
For you shine bright
And I venture in total blindness

Not knowing where to go
You guide my feet with a hurtful spike
As I step, only Pain I know
And my tortured scream you so much like

In winter's cold you kept me
In a hug so tight I gasped for air
But It doesn't matter to me
As long as I have you there

You kept me warm
With your freezing touch
A stinging burn on my arm
A frozen heart I loved so much

Your harsh words
Whipping me scars of hurt
They cut deep like driven swords
In where I wake and make them worth

In every scar I receive
In every bruise to me you give
I still cherish every pain on your shiv
With you by my side I'll forever live

For we are in harmony
Like the equal yin and yang
Our hearts singing a sorrowful melody
In where our hearts in thorns are strung

I am hopeless *******
Loving the pain and torture you provide
For you are a relentless sadist
In which your punishment is deliciously divine

For what might have been my inspiration
Inside my heart's totally hollow room
You are my Salvation
You are also my Doom

My hurtling words of fire
A comforting flame in your ire
A useless sting of pointless banter
In which you let out a heartless laughter

Your mirth a travesty of joy
For inside you feel sick and coy
That boastful persona of yours
A swollen mask of horrid boars

For you are but a gnat
An annoyance in my gut
A perfect example of a lie
In which your feelings you deny

A big hulking menace you are
I am a bee prepared for war
'Coz even the small venom may suffice
To take down a bullying giant thrice

For you are nothing but an anomaly
A ******* of sacred sympathy
A mutation of kindness and charity
An unloved kid raised in brutal anarchy

So when this war fades out
And we both are cold out
I hope that we can make and fill
The love we both didn't get to feel

For you see we are but humans
Of the same species of grand
A being of futile feelings
Of uncontrollable emotions we are drowning

These Memoirs
Ghosts of the past
A solid reminder
Of what had come and gone

Purple pink sunrise hues
Bright red orange sunsets
Interlocked fingers
And sweet seething kisses

Warm hugs in bed
The smell of morning breath
The feel of your skin
The fluttering from within

The fights we never won
The funny moments we own
The laughter we  shared
And the tears I had to bear

You see, it still haunts me
The outline of your face
And it takes all my power away
Just to see you there everyday

Deep in the comfort of another
A peace in your face without utter
A deep calm I craved
Of the memoirs we evenly shared

You see it shatters my heart
Every time I see us apart
You in another man's chest
While memoirs of feelings bleed out with zest

I shunned all and everyone
I kept myself from all that's fun
Never thread again in the sun
For I chose the darkness and  it's done

Yet in this sweet dark Abyss
I still seek the one that's weak
A sliver of spark and so meek
A tiny Hope in this Darkness reek

For there is hope for me
For everything thrown at me
For every trial to come at me
And for everyone  to hate on me

For there is hope...
A hope we so crave...
A hope that it'll fade away...
And that tomorrow is another day...

Creases and folds
Rich lustrous strokes
Bold soft voices spoke
Touch like a ring of gold

In sheets we make things
Crumpled and messy
Like a raging tsunami
A delight in all human beings

Slapping and slammings
A rhythm worth hearing
The pounding and bounding
Sweet pleasurable pain it brings

Beyond what a body could
Handle and take it would
For it is what we wanted
Like a forbidden affair sorted

The melodious chorus
Of wails and moans
The harmonious beating
With stick and stones

Like origami birds
We bend and break
To cure our heart aches
For we are like paper burned

Ashes we become so far
Fragmented in the wind we are
For we never ever will be
As happy as anyone thought it to be

For like origami birds we are
Folded and bent to hold so far
Manipulated by love and hate
Blinded by our own cruel mistakes

We will tear and break
Like every paper bearing weight
Flying into the winds of fate
And burning into the pits of heart break.

Inside
We see differently
Talk differently
Feel differently

Inside
We keep our secrets
We bury our past
And dig it back up

Inside
We hope for the best
We hope to feel rest
To be at peace's loving caress

Inside
Just inside we are
What we are
And we are not

Your dripping blood and tears
Are what quenches my thirst
Your wailing cries of fears
Are what makes my stomach burst

For I am a vile creature of flaws
My hands mangled with sarcastic claws
I am but a melodrama of pain
In which life on death I gain

In this bottomless pit of despair
Forever, torment I will share
Devoid of laughter and love
My life ends like a naive dove

A fickle heart
Begets a fickle
Mind of fickle
Thoughts

I wonder how long has it been
Since you left and never been seen
Not even a flicker of a candle shadow
Not even a voice, it brings me sorrow

The absence of warmth in my bed
The sweet embraces finally  at end
The futile fights we always have to pretend
The simple regrets we share by the bend

How I wish that we can still do
The things you and I used to
The moments we shared with gusto
The blissful thought of me and you

The painful moments we shared both
Those silly words you put on a post-it note
Those linen sheets we cuddle and loved
Those promises we made under the stars above...

Sadly all these were but distant memories
A reminiscence of a haunting eternity
A memento in our colorful past which came
A gravestone carved with your name  

I sit here awake at the edge of our bed
Holding your plush bear and being sad
For everything that we ever had
Was taken away since you've been dead

As my feelings for you blossom
Not into a warm sun-kissed flower of summer
But into a snowflake of cold and bitter winter
I see myself regretting, for you are a possum

An actor of sorts with a lukewarm feeling
A half-baked maniacal schemer
A specter conjured from hell yonder
And the person in which I had a one-sided loving

My hate for thee grows tenfold
It grows tenfold the times my love for you
It grows tenfold the tears I shed for you
It grows tenfold on every **** you told

And as my fire you left started to die
I will rise again as the ashes fly
I will move forward and not look back
I will swear onward and fight hate back

But...I see myself also in that lie
For this heart, no matter how shattered and dry
A paper thin husk of a once healthy guy
Deep inside it...my feelings for you won't die

No matter how hard I drench it with freezing water
No matter how long I submerge below a glacier
No matter how many girls and guys, I encounter
No matter how many flings and flirts, it's still a disaster

For no matter how lukewarm my feelings are for you
An actor of sorts like a lying possum
Inside the hollow echoing halls of my *****
It still and will not die out just for you

That little cinder, a tiny spark of hope
Keeping me warm enough to cope
That no matter how lukewarm it gets...
In this lonely winter, the warmth of you I'll never forget...

Ragged breathing turns into rhythm
A slice of the flickering light
A tender soul in a weak body in spasm
A convulsing loved one fighting with all his might

Yet you stand there in the corner
****** faced and cold, unwavering
Your face a blank canvas for the painter
A silhouette of sorrow never lingering

You look hollowly into empty eyes
The same emptiness reflecting the vanished life
The same emptiness holding in your cries
The same emptiness keeping you wrapped like a vine

Yet you stand there in the corner
With the repetition doing it all over
Loved ones passing by one by one
Until you of all people have no one

Yet here you are, standing by the bed side
An insistent tear in your cheek glides down
Dropping into the forehead of the one who died
Sobs at bay so you won't feel down

Yet here you are, agonizing in pain and misery
Facing Life's one final mystery
A moment where you face the greatest fear of everybody
By the bed side of a dying one you'll see

What if, we go out together
Watch movies that take forever
Eat popcorn on a early hour
Sit dearly on the spot of ours

What if, we stand by the moonlight
Kissing with the breeze on flight
Tiptoeing into our secret site
endless  giggles we try to fight

What if, we go marry each other
Never look for any other
In our lovely bliss, live forever
With our loving son and daughter

What if, I promise you my love
As the stars twinkle above
And so will it blaze, my love
'Til we finally meet in heaven above

What if, just what ifs
A plan I hope to be a gift
A heaven sent item of joy and grief
For it is just as it is, What if?

It isn't easy to say
For thoughts might sway
And in some faithful day
In your ears I'll whisper it and say

"Love me now, tomorrow and forever,
Love me until my final breather
Love me 'til the sun sets in the west
Love me with all your heart's best"

For these words were trapped lightning
In my heart feelings like the waves are whipping
In total chaos of what I feel for you
I am in a conundrum in trying to love you

I wish I could talk
To you it isn't easy
All things go amok
My stomach feels so queasy

I wish that I can chat
To you I'll be a speechless gnat
Every time I open my mouth
"NO!" my brain forever shouts

I wish I could be your everything
So that smiles on your face I bring
My chapped lips beckoning
My parched throat swallowing

For everything I wish
That we could be like this
I still fear and doubt
That with you...I'll be in a blackout

I am a being born,
From the ashes of my past,
From inside the hollow shell of mine,
Burning through my own fears and worries;

I am a being born,
From the cages of serpentine words,
From the tar of my own making,
From the burns of my own troubled beginnings;

I am a being born,
From the depths of my sorrows,
From the icy glares of the soulless world,
From the dark embrace of relentless nightmares;

I am a being born,
I am a Phoenix,
I am ever Transient,
I will forever Change.

Hush now my love
Care not of the world
For tonight we'll sleep
Forget all sorrows we keep

Hush now my love
For tomorrow will come
The throes we keep
We will bury deep

Hush now my love
The sun will soon rise
And with it gone our demise
Rest and be at ease in mother's arms

Hush now...
Keep still...
Close your eyes...
And I'll hold you...

'Til the sparks and morning light
And across another world
I'll keep you with me
'Til after this war, be'd both be free

Hush...

If I could turn back time
To correct what was wrong
And give my life a chance
To redemption and atonement

If I could turn back time
To ease the scars of my childhood
To wipe my  tears as they fall down
To save my laughs for bitter moments

To correct mine and their frustrations
To fill in broken expectations
To be the child you want me to be
To be the perfect son you crave with glee

If only I could...but I could not
Even if I try I still fail
So hard and yet so easy
A moment of my total despair

If only I could...but I could not
I could not ease my scars and the pain
Every  night as I scream for help
As my sister cries in a corner

I could not wipe my tears and snot
As my father strikes my mother's poor face
I could not turn back time
To stop my revelry and anarchy

I cannot be the one you want
The son you oh so dearly wanted
The child you ought to be the prodigy
The one to lead the future as you see

I have been stained by time
Fate made me weak and crumbling
My face a distorted angel's in anguish
My voice ever cracking when I speak

My bitter sweet past...
If I look back at you now
I would smile bitterly with sorrow
And wish that if I could...I'll change my fate

But...The Wheel of Fate Just Crushed Us All

Must we suffer to uphold?
Must we die to please?
Must we do what we are blindly told?
Must we fall into the greedy Abyss?

For all the Covenants man had made
A broken race we have been
A swirling mass of ink destined to fade
For we follow Prophets of Chaos within

Must the world die with us?
Must it slowly rot with each torn flesh?
Must we burn all innocents for GODS?
And how She wept as old wars open bitter scars

For all the Wills and Whims of ALLAH and GOD,
Nameless beings capable of terror
In their name, we shed people's BLOOD
In these covenants, we still  worship human ERROR

So here is a question why,
For all the good things we are
Of love, compassion beauty and dreams that fly
Must we spill another innocent blood in the name of a nameless Avatar?

What's on your mind?
in facebook you constantly find
This quote always flashes
to remind you of life's rushes

But seriously, look within
and see what thrives inside
Look for thoughts sinking in
and bade them all to come alive

Make your words artful
as that drip of ink caresses the paper
Make them a phrase so wonderful
That people may be happier

Inspire people who has no idea
and save ones that are lost
Open the curiosity jar like Pandora
and let's HOPE we make the most

From dreams in paper
to songs of unending summers
From snowdrop love letters
to eulogies of sorrowful winters

From the heart through the mouth
leave a print of beauty behind
Be it raw, bare or shouting out
never be afraid to speak "What's on your Mind"

So you spent all your life here,
in these walls of virtual reality
Within the confines of sweet sweet fantasy
that holds you dear every moment

The unrelenting love you receive
The security and ease
All bad things at bay
The firewall keeping it away

So you live in your perfect little globe
the place where you control everything
In where you can be someone else
and not care if you hurt anybody else

How long has it been since you got out?
The sun in your skin and wind caressing it
The laughter and sweat you spent playing
The hellos and goodbyes we love giving

The trips to your friends for tea time
Choosing trends in malls with friends
The fun of riding in an attraction in a park
And the pure joy of doing it all...Physically

So while you're at it
Staring into the hollow monitors and screens
Take back what once was you
Hit refresh and do what you want to.

Every moment, minute or day,
we spend our waking life breathing in life
enjoying memories and cherished people around
making love and making laughs

the sweet sweet breeze, and the peach colored skies
All of it so sweet it makes our teeth hurt thinking of it
like so many photographs and records we shared
All of it in a single breath and a blink of an eye

Isn't it fun and happy?
Isn't it so perfect and so simple?
Isn't it what we wanted to all have?
Isn't it what we long for and did have?

Until we turn dark, and all the colors turn grey
until we see what we were and see what we are now
Until we crumble in each and every word we hear
until we succumb to the arms of Depression itself

Until we grab that **** bag and stuck our puny heads in
Until we reach for that medicine cabinet for the pills we need
Until we take some drugs and ease our pains
Until we reach the moment darkest in our darkest days

Breathe child, my momma would say
breathe it all out and breathe it all in again
I keep breathing and breathing and breathing
until it becomes a routine that my muscles have mastered

Breathe out the bad thoughts
Breathe it back in
Breathe out the bad thoughts
Breathe it back in

Day by day, it cycles, an endless horror show
Night by night my hands tingle like shaking jello
I can't seem to remember what my momma told me
Help! somebody please, help me breathe

The relentless hands of anxiety and depression
The unforgiving laughs of insomnia and ADD
the same sh*t that I go through, night after night
Caging me in like a tiger  in a circus show

Until we see the calm and grasp it like a baby holding a rattle
Ever so tight, yet ever so clumsy
The light shines and we see clearly
What we have become and start breathing in rhythm

My lungs fill with air every time I breathe
Yes, but as I fill my chest with life...
When I exhale, am I breathing out my life?
So tell me, Am I both living and dying with every breath?

Am I already dead but my body denies it?
Am I a walking corpse living in an empty shell?
Am I a machine destined to be one so lonely, so shattered
That I cannot anymore---I cannot anymore, breathe.