Thank you..
for getting me out of bed.
for feeding me more.
for silencing the voice,
the cruel one in my head.
Thank you Lexapro
for keeping me here.

Struggle to wake up.
Feed the cat.
Get to work late.
Push paper around.
Meeting time.
Daydream.
Watch the clock.
Lunch time.
Get back late.
Check the news.
Get depressed.
Check bank account.
Get depressed.
Watch the clock.
Answer the phone.
Push paper around.
Watch the clock.
Leave early.

I was 14 and at a Methodist summer camp.
They told us we could spend the last night outside.
Clear sky, under the stars  I was happy.
Then he put his hands on my head.
And his hands down my pants.
It felt wrong, I was no longer happy.
I wanted to escape, but I couldn’t move.
The next day I went home.
I was called names.
I lost my friends and “silly” rumors spread.
I put myself in that situation. It was my fault.
It took me 10 years to realize,
It was wrong,
I couldn’t get out,
It wasn’t my fault.

It is an endless cycle I go through
Meet a new man, then kiss him and **** him
Next thing I know I'm saying I love him
I can't tell if it even true or if I am just another addict
Addicted to love, the lamest drug
So I take what I can from every man
Convince him he is the one
But really I'm just having fun
The problem with my addiction being
I'm not hurting myself, but instead everyone else

You look into my eyes like they hold all your answers
You look into my soul like it's filled with kindness and hope
But my eyes are turning dark and my soul is on it's way there
Your answers don't reside in me and you won't find the love you deserve.

Tie my hands behind my head
Grip my neck, strangle me
Have your way, make me beg
I'm your toy it's all a game
We're having fun right?