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Sep 5 · 205
Shadow
I think our souls once casted the same shadow

And being young and stupid
We believed that meant we were one in the same

That we were meant to be

But just because the shadows look the same doesn't mean they are the same in the light.
Now our shadows are so different.
Aug 21 · 39
Love Ride
Love is such a odd thing

You can love someone who hurts you

And I mean LOVE them

And you can love someone who adores you

And I mean ADORES

But they often aren't one in the same

Love is a rollercoaster

And you're just waiting to get back to the beginning

Waiting for that smooth ride.
Aug 21 · 36
Not Again
I wake up
And every hair is standing up on my arms

I lay there as I begin to remember my dream

As I remember a face I shouldn't be dreaming of.

****
Jun 14 · 117
Sizzle. Crack. Pop.
Sometimes I wonder

What would happen if we were in an empty room together?

Would you make a move?

Would I?

Would we act like the air didn't sizzle with anticipation?

I just wonder.
Jun 12 · 32
A body taken
In an instance her body was no longer hers

It was theirs

Wandering hands

Touching without consent

While she sat stunned

By such carelessness

Such boldness and fearlessness

You thought you could have her

Thought what you did didn't matter

But for her

She'll never forget

Your hands

Your breath on her skin

And the look in your eyes

As she searched and begged

For a soul to ring back

Only to be answered by darkness.
Jun 12 · 90
Background
My life has built me to associate love with pain

It's like they're bound together

Forever bittersweet.
Jun 5 · 33
Young love
That feeling when you miss them
And their absence feels like your soul being ripped right out of your chest

That feeling when they look at you, just look

It's that feeling when they say they love you

And they say they always will
And you let yourself believe that

It's when you're so deluded
That you believe so fully
That this was your first and last love

In time
You see young love for what it is

A once in a lifetime experience
It cannot be repeated

You cannot love that fiercely ever again
But that also means you can never break that hard either.

Everything about love is bittersweet
But young love?
That's like biting in dark chocolate
When you were expecting milk.
May 28 · 57
Fin
Fin
I wonder if you ever listen to our song just so you can let yourself ache for a story that's over.
May 18 · 137
Will I Do
Your arms
Are just perfect to crawl into

And your warm kisses
Just right after a long day

And maybe that's all I'll ever need
Feeling like marrying him
May 18 · 39
Temporary
I promise I don't want you

Because I know being with you is poisonous

I know being with you has always been temporary

You're good at leaving

Even better at pushing away

But every memory comes rushing back when I see your picture

And my chest still aches
When I reread messages

And even more when I read old poems about you

You were
Nine years

Nine long years of love and friendship and heartbreak

And most days I'm okay
But every once in a while
I wish I could erase you.
Apr 16 · 47
Inventory
If my womb is empty

And possibly even broken

Then why do your feelings for me revolve around that?

I can have kids and be with him

Or I can't and be with you?

These are decisions not quite made alone

You see my womb is empty

She may even die before her time

She wasn't build strong

And I don't know what she can hold

All I know
Is she hasn't held anything

She may never

But do not love me
Or do not not love me

Because of what she may or may not one day hold.
Apr 16 · 41
Body Beauty
I call you beautiful

As though I am not

As though I was not worthy of having you

Except I was worth it

And more

Because a beautiful face hides so many lies

And a beautiful body hides even more

And so it's fair to say you hid a lot from me

Behind all the beauty was deceit

And I'm okay if people don't see me as beautiful for my face or body

Because I know my soul is just perfect.
Apr 13 · 46
Essential
Actions speak louder than words

Has never meant more to me than it does now

Coming home to you

Nothing done

Just hours wasted

Wondering if I marry you

Will it always be this way

Will you always tell me you love and appreciate me

While sitting idly by and watch me struggle to want this relationship?

I'm so tired of feeling like I have to fight for those I love.

After a long week I'm just plain tired.
Apr 6 · 46
Echo
You still echo

Your face

Your name

Your energy

It still echoes inside of me

And I can't help but dream of you

Dream of what was

Of what never will be

You're an echo

You screamed into my heart years ago

It's just so large that I can still hear you.
I had a dream about seeing you again. I had a dream trying to fix my relationship by ruining it. It was rough.
Apr 6 · 132
Anti-Depressant
It's all about how many punches you can take

Everything else is just a pretty bandaid.
I remember high school

My first love and I

We were rabbits

Passionate and endless

Anywhere we could make love

We definitely did

I remember how every touch

Every kiss

Every hand graze

Excited me to my core

I just want to be excited like that again.
This is so complicated.
Mar 20 · 40
Eyes
Have you ever looked into someone's eyes?

Usually it's weird but it doesn't seem like that big of a deal right?

But have you ever looked into someone's eyes?

And every part of your body comes alive and you're just so sure it means something, I mean it has to.

It's amazing how just a look

Just eyes on yours
Can send chills through your entire soul.
Mar 20 · 146
Selfish
I'll admit I can be selfish

Selfish for loving the way you love me

Adore me

Need me

I'm so selfish

To ever ask for more

Selfish to let you stay

Knowing I feel this way

Knowing I want more

Knowing that I don't have butterflies anymore.
Mar 20 · 40
How do I do it?
I want to be happy
I want to be happy
I want to be happy
I want to be happy

It'll be my birthday wish this year.
Mar 10 · 58
Etchings
And I wonder when you run your fingers across my back

If you feel the names etched in of those who've changed my life

For the good and bad

Do you feel them

They carved each one themselves out of memories.
Mar 10 · 110
And I Always Smile
My brain writes your name between each thought.
Feb 27 · 286
Dear First Love,
In another universe we would have been soul mates, and in another we would have been best friends. Now we are neither. Just fading memories and that's okay. But sometimes I need you not to love or make love to but simply to talk to. You knew me more than anyone else. Even on the days you didn't quite love me. Maybe you could tell me what my heart wanted right now because my love life feels like a disaster. It's painful and exciting all at once and for all the wrong reasons. And I wish you were sitting next to me telling me exactly what I want. So I could disagree only to discover you were always right. That's how we worked. Or maybe that's how we fell apart. All I know now is that I don't love you anymore and that's the most liberating feeling I have ever truly known. I was trapped in this vortex of you. The one where I was determined to have you. And the problem is, the man who pulled me out of the vortex is no longer the same man making me happy. He's no longer the one making my heart twinge the way it use to for you all those years ago. But I'm wearing a ring I made engraved with forever. I'm trying to fall in love again. Because I loved him so much I swear. And I wonder if this is how you felt when we ended. When I would come over and crawl into your bed. I wonder if you tried to fall in love with me again the way I hope I fall in love with him again. And I want it known I do love him but I want to be in love. He makes me smile. But sometimes he makes me cry. Sometimes he makes me really hate myself. And I know I can be a sensitive person but I don't think he quite sees how his words break me sometimes. I want to choose him. I do. I want to say that one day too; I do. But here I am with this twinge in my heart that I'm trying to bury or force away. I tried that with you. I did. But I still ended up loving you nine long years. Tell me first love of mine. How do I say goodbye before I've said hello? How can I choose him? Because the love in his eyes remind me so much of the love I had in mine for you once upon a time.
To all the girls and women who have been brave enough to face their trauma and come forward and report

I admire you so much
You are SO strong

All four times it's happened to me

I laid there like a deer in the headlights

Like a possum playing dead

Waiting for it to end
So I could walk away in tears

And hopefully never see them again

To bury my trauma so deep no one can ever find it

And there you are in court

Locking them up and throwing away the key

I wish I did that

I'm so sorry I didn't

I'm always afraid that I'll run into them

Afraid they did it again

Afraid of remembering

But every time I cry it seeps out

Because no matter how hard I try to bury it

It's a part of me

A part of the story line that cannot be erased

I just need to keep reading and hope the ending it happier.
💔
Feb 25 · 50
It's me or nothing
I shout out to my soul mate

And all I hear is the echo of my own voice.
Feb 24 · 96
Small triggers
And it stings

It stings from head to toe

The words you say

They hurt

They hurt each and every ounce of me

And you'll never understand that

When one mean thing

Sends me into depression.
Feb 24 · 105
Smile, Grin, Guilt
Why does it feel so wrong

The way you make me smile

It reminds me of the way I use to smile

Before my first heartbreak

Before depression and anxiety

When you make me smile

My heart pitter patters

And I know it shouldn't for you

But it's just so good to smile.
Feb 24 · 48
In a name
Someone says your name
And I cringe

Like poison dripping from my ears and piercing my chest

The memories I've tried to bury deep within myself

So deep they almost touch all the trauma I've blocked out

I passively say
I hate that name

And resume my task

But for a few moments
I have to fight off the flashbacks

The replay of every moment I spent loving you

I fight back my feelings of angst knowing the man I sleep with now

Just doesn't give my heart quite the same ping you did

But I find solace in the saying that every love is different and I hold onto that when I crawl home to him and I'm greeted with an embrace.
Please don't say his name.
Feb 22 · 61
See my crazy
My crazy seeps out

And you see it

Don't you?

I just hope it doesn't scare you off too much.
Feb 22 · 47
Ring Finger
Ring on my left hand

And I have the audacity to wonder

Do I love you

My heart aches when we fight

And I laugh when you do something silly

But sometimes I'm so unsure

And it makes me angry

No, it makes me feel guilty

Because last time I loved
I was so sure

So completely sure

And here I am

Ring on hand

Climbing into our bed

And wondering...

Is this love?
Feb 17 · 41
Gnaw
There's a gnawing in my chest
Whenever we argue
This immense pressure
Like at any moment the fragile pieces of my soul might just shatter
And this feeling stays after the argument
Picking at my every flaw
Waiting for me to bleed
Because tears just weren't good enough
This pressure is only alleviated when I smile again
But who will do that for me?
Feb 8 · 269
Past Dreams
I still dream of you sometimes

It's a weird feeling

Waking up with your face imprinted in my head

It's not the you that you've become

But the you I knew when we were young

Young and dancing around the love that would come to grow and die

It's weird to feel a love that has gone and to know it'll never come back.
Jan 20 · 521
I'm the fool
You're a fleeting desire

You're here today

But in a few blinks

You'll be gone

How do I pull myself out.
Jan 11 · 104
Bridges Fall Down
I jokingly say
I'm gonna jump off a bridge

And you laugh and say you're coming with me

But you don't see how close I am to the edge do you?
Jan 11 · 45
Drops of Poison
How do you poison
Even the simplest of acts

With no ill intent you somehow shatter the pieces I've been holding together all day

Then apologize and fain support as if you didn't just tear me apart

How can someone who loves you always be the one who hurts you.
Jan 11 · 42
Name
She wrote your name
And wondered why
It just looked so right

She wrote your name and knew, it would never be beside hers

She wrote your name in a dream, and couldn't believe how much she wanted you.

She wrote your name in a dream, and when she awoke she knew, she could never write it again.
Jan 11 · 40
Dream betrayal
And I wonder what it means

When I can still taste you

When I wake up

And I wonder why it is

I only dream of you now.
Jan 4 · 37
Blushing blanket
My hand under the blanket

As I imagine you

You're smile

You're body

Every touch we've never had

By body tantalizing

Goosebumps everywhere

It's so wrong to think of you

While I lie next to him

But my body

It doesn't care

It's fun just to imagine

I hold in your name as it all collapses

I dare not let him know why it happened so fast.
Jan 4 · 386
Will I Say I Do
I love you
But I don't know if I'm in love with you

It breaks my heart
Knowing I could break yours.
They mean the hazel sparkle in your eyes

They mean the way you smile at me

And make me giddy

They mean the way you run your hand through your hair before you show me something

They mean your beauty could **** hearts.
Jan 4 · 36
Dear Former Lover
While I can never forget the ecstasy of your body wrapped up in mine, it is not that in which I miss the most. At least, not especially.

More than anything I miss talking to you, words just poured out of me with you. I always told you the truth even if it hurt.

We live these separate worlds now, our love too toxic for this lifetime. But I miss those ears listening to my heart. Always knowing me better than I knew myself.
Nov 2019 · 54
Shattering sounds
Tell me.

Tell me how.

How do I say it.

How do I tell you.

I'm just not happy anymore.
Nov 2019 · 62
Change for me
My body aches
Aches for intimacy
Aches for motherhood
Aches for change

I need a new beginning.
Nov 2019 · 292
Ace
Ace
My heart and body
Are being torn apart

Do I want love
Or love making

I cannot have both

Not from the one I love.
Nov 2019 · 164
Somewhat compatible
I had loved you for so long

So long it ached with every breath I took

And now years after

All I can agree we had in common

Was great ***.
Oct 2019 · 464
9 years
Kings have reigned less time
Than the years I spent loving you.
I'm glad it ended 10/4/17
Sep 2019 · 51
Growth.
I love you

But then

Wall

You're 28

Depending on me

To do basic needs

Turning an arm injury

Into a lifetime of excuses

I don't know what to do

Because there's this boy

Who actually seems like

Just slightly more of a man

And there's you grown

And slightly more childish

And my heart is flustered

And my brain confused

And I just wish you would grow up.
Sep 2019 · 404
Wince
A kiss so sinfully delicious
That the devil himself
Cannot bare to watch.
Jul 2019 · 255
More
He loves me more

Why is that such a scary concept for me

Scarier than when I loved you more.

Scarier than loving him back

Why does he love me more?
Jul 2019 · 69
I remember what it was
I remember
Because it's impossible to forget
That gut wrenching pain
That feeling when you truly think your heart has broken
All the tears cried
And all the short breaths
Not sure if I wanted to breathe at all
Not sure if living without your love was worth it
I remember what it was loving you

It was heartbreak.
Jul 2019 · 119
Forward
People love to reminisce,
They love to remember high school days

But for me
That's means remembering you

The break ups
And the fights

The love making in hallways

The ditching

The apologies
And broken promises

The lies and mistrust

Remembering isn't always fun, sometimes you remember heartbreak

So when someone tells me to look back and remember

I'll tell them I only look forward.
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