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Jun 1 · 16
Ayo
Raquie Jun 1
Ayo
When your 9 year-old can explain the difference between gun shots and fireworks.
This **** is so heartbreaking.
Emotionally devastating.
To be in a position where you can’t protect your child’s innocence...
When gunshots play like a soundtrack throughout the night...
When white supremacists have infiltrated your community to **** you...
When 911 has been hacked...
-Ayo Khamila
Ayo Khamila is a North Minneapolis Black Mama, a powerhouse in her community. 5/31/2020
Jun 1 · 960
5/31/2020
Raquie Jun 1
A man driving a semi truck down a closed highway towards thousands of kneeling peaceful protestors was not an accident.

My wife and I were there. I was absolutely overwhelmed by the love and solidarity I felt from the community as we chanted for justice—an elderly Black man with a walking cane telling me about how he’s still in the struggle for his grand babies; families honking and throwing up fists from their cars; teens dancing and singing; folks handing out water bottles and food. We marched from US Bank Stadium to the middle of highway 35W and knelt for a moment of silence for George Floyd.

As we were still on the ground, many of us kneeling and sitting, I glanced behind me to abruptly see panicking and screaming. We jumped up and dispersed with the crowd. All I could think of was finding my wife and protecting her. We clung to each other and ran as far off of the highway as we could. Within minutes, dozens of police vehicles showed up and, as we stood in shock at the edge of the highway, one vehicle needlessly sprayed us with mace. Choking and sneezing, we hopped a nearby fence to get even farther away.

As we walked down town to get to our car, already frazzled, folks kept warning us not to go down certain streets because they saw armed white supremacists waiting.

Thankfully, good friends came and gave us a ride to our car. We’re home and safe now.

I say all this to let folks know our message of justice and peace is being strategically infiltrated by white supremacists and police officers. This isn’t anything new. This has always happened throughout history. Plenty of others will confirm this has happened and is continuing to happen.

My body is tense and my system is on fire. I feel angry—yet resilient and determined. Because I know there are more people taking care of each other and working to end systems of oppression than there are people trying to incite violence and fear. And I believe that we will win.

-Joseph Micheal Davis

#BlackLivesMatter #JusticeForGeorgeFloyd
Joseph is a local playwright, actor, and poet in the Twin Cities. Today white supremacists set up the peaceful protesters to die. This will be documented by the people. So here yall go, here go the truth.
May 22 · 25
Walton Pl
Raquie May 22
I rode down my old street tonight
Walton Place is the finest street in N Mpls
Its a dead end street, deeper than it seems
You can't just keep going down that street
You always gotta leave
4 houses down on either side
Back on outta that same way you entered
less you on foot, then you in luck
cause Walton Place gotta few cuts.

Rode past my house and round to the back
Ain't much changed round here
Looks like the family's still black
I see a woman in my mama's old bedroom
I wonder if she can see me
I almost wanna snap a picture
but that a be creepy.

My heart hurts as I imagine what the walls remember
back when we were staying back there.
The living room, the stairs to the attic,
the basement, and my brother's room.

I smile as I see some stray cats to distract my train of thought
I didn't have the worst childhood but it was rough
That's the way resilient traumatized people like to talk

I still have wishes to buy that house one day. It's yard so nice, I noticed they cut down the mulberry.
May 22 · 115
Da Fam
Raquie May 22
Scuse me if I don't want to speak
I highkey hate you but i keep it low-key
Sometimes I feel guilty bc yall family
I'm just tryna prevent more suffering for MY family
Plant better seeds
Reap better beings
My sentiments on my family. #mostofyallaintshit
May 22 · 22
Brandon Davis
Raquie May 22
I miss my crazy ex
Sometimes we would argue
But never about ***

He'd put it down
I'd throw it back
Cant remember a time he didn't catch

We broke on up cause
we both had become toxic as ****
He moved to the A
And I hopped on that plane
With no shame
we shed tears, made love
and then parted ways

One last ****,
we did that with grace.
RaKi & Men : What my Toxic Relationships taught me
May 22 · 36
Cary Johnson
Raquie May 22
Cary cares for me
His strong mind carries me..
To the garden of Eden
It takes me to the river n shows me things I didn't see in me

He speaks life into me
He teaches me
He prays for me
Gives me my space
Knows when to stay away from me

Cary is my friend
We don't want to be lovers
less we married to one another

He's smart
and saavy

He's healthy
and generally happy

Tall and enterprising
That young man is rising undeniably
Im a sapiosexual
but I don't think he can have me


He can
Make a bitter woman believe in love again
with words so sweet, a make a broken heart mend
Now if we're meant, time will tell.
Signed,
your good friend Raquel.
RaKi & Men : Courting Adventures

Book idea?
May 22 · 18
The Perfect Mind
Raquie May 22
Not chasing perfection
Louder for them in da back
I said,
Im not chasing perfection

I earned all my flaws

Fake *******
Thats an insult to God

I'll shave my hair
cause I like to be soft
but if he's had me
he's been to the bush

I feel better off the grid
Social media killing these kids
Unrealistic expectations for how you're spose to look,
having your virginity prematurely took
Soo...
Likes determine how much you like yourself
But if you turned the phone off
Your mind could help

See I been taking time
to refine myself
redesign myself
redefine my rights
and realize what's wrong
what's wrong to me
processing traumas I ain't use to see
Answering questions more friendly,
like "What's wrong with me?"

"Youse a doll baby, but you been acting like your mom lately. Go say a prayer, turn it around. Sing a song baby!"

See, can't nobody be fine
if they haven't mastered their mind.
Thought I was depressed
but that was just a test
Read them texts,
As a woman thinketh
Came correct
Now I'm performing at my best
YES YES!
MASTER YOUR MIND
May 4 · 3
ICU
Raquie May 4
ICU
Everybody got trauma
They wanna talk n compare their drama
They wanna drown those memories and forget
I want to move on from alluv it.
Apr 26 · 23
Bag Lady
Raquie Apr 26
A bag for this & a bag for that
I look around and see a sea of scattered things
Scattered fears & I'll put you here's.

I got a bag for today, bout ten from yesterday.  In my living room lies a thousand more. Reusable bags from companies that I let take up space. Then there's diaper bags, 2 of them to be exact. But I don't use them.
I got shoulder bags, book bags, business bags, laptop bags, a stripper bag.

I got paper bags that I use for garbage, I got a plastic bag in the can, I got handbags & they all holding nonsense.

Every bag has a story but I don't think every one is important. I done told this story of my youth and my hurt for far too long. I aint tryna grow bitter as I grow old. I think it's time some of these bags go.
Here you go.
Apr 26 · 24
Talking to Myself (TW)
Raquie Apr 26
I be talking to myself
and no *****... I don't need no help

I be talking to myself
Asking if I should really order that wine
That I tasted one time

****** Chocolate on my palate
21 in New Orleans
Nostalgia says I gotta have it

I remember it being the 1st red that I fancied
I was looking for ButTer
But this went down so smooth

Just like me
when I be dancing with myself
in my living room
and singing to myself
and being with myself

I used to talk to my friends but now they drunks
I used to talk to men but they always want some
I used to talk to my family but Ion really like them

So I talk to myself about loneliness vs aloneness
We talk about men and they hoein'
I talk bout my family and realize that alot of em aint growin...and then some trauma started showin'

This morning I was in the shower talking to myself...and a memory came to my mind.
Ask me about my childhood and I'd say it was perfectly fine. Not knowing my truth was a lie.
I realized I was touched when I was younger.
It neva clicked, not even when Dr's asked me if I had been.
I didn't know I had been had. It just happened then I forgot. The #MeToo movement neva resonated. Neva thought too much about those distant days. This mourning I was at a loss for words when the veil was lifted. I wasn't angry, it just all made sense.

Cause I saw him last year and had him babysit. I came in late that night, drunk and high. Laid with my son, next to him. Then suddenly I feel his hand in my pants, even then I didn't remember the past. I woke up and thought it was my lover's hand until I saw the room I was in. The room of my brother, my son's uncle, my kin.
I beat his *** and haven't seen him since. Last year I missed Thanksgiving and Christmas. Why it take me this long to remember? How much else have I forgot.
Apr 26 · 23
Bushido Thoughts
Raquie Apr 26
Bushido don't like no virtureless woman
or maybe that's just what she thinks...
Cause maybe he ain't as virtuous as he seems.
But I like,
I be having Brittney spear moments
I be like, "oh my god, oh my ******* god."
And then I bust out laughing cause I'm having a Brittney spears moment.

Is that anxiety? I guess I never really categorized that feeling. I be feeling crazed. I don't feel it often and I wonder if its healthy to feel that way.

I know I ain't healthy cause I been reading my books, feeling resentment and regret.
How can I be a student and a teacher?
What I'm spose to do with him
They say the way a child acts is dependent on the parenting and that's facts
The flattering would urge me to reconsider,
'you a single mom one day you'll get it'
The real would tell me to **** it up, girl step it up**
It ain't easy, man this **** is tough
It's going to take a virtuous woman sho nuff

The type who does things for herself
Be a righteous woman
One who ain't gon move
Stand on your word, cause that's what the solid do.
The amplified version of your intent being articulated into existence.
Dont be reckless with it.

Be a courageous woman
Notice the little things.
This is ain't **** but a drink. The fight is within me.
I gotta apply the things I think
And that starts with thinking better things.

Self control and Respect
I am the master of myself, the tender of my mind.
How others treat you is a reflection of how you treat yourself. 
 Tame your touch and your tongue. 
 Speak with a light heart, beam expressions of love
I am Benevolent

Cause I am that I am sooo I am who I be.
But who is that actually?
A woman with integrity
I been getting these signs and they be telling me that this ain't where I'm meant to be.

Short fused, I been lacking patience.
A victim to my own abuse. I self destruct. Seldom slow down and put myself in check.
BUT I'm on my way
I swear I am on my way...

Honor thyself, be the example.
Affirm your intentions with your actions
Otherwise you just here blabbering scriptures, you telling the story but don't really get the picture.

Let your companions be sincere.
Cause them a be the ones to hold you back by the ear
Casting spells and killing ideas by suggesting fear
Feeding the darkness in your shadow
cause they lacking light within

Honor Yourself.
You are your elders
But even they can be enemies of themselves

Somebody said,
"A smart person learns from their mistakes,  a wise one learns from  other people's mistakes. "
I rather be wise.

Remember this is a fight. Young warrior. You cant have a young mind. Young minds are innocent, young minds are naive. Young minds are pure and ignorant to bad things.

Grow up, into a virtuous woman. Aware of what is and transformational when something's gotta give. Free, she lives. Bushido, she sips.
Yes, I am aware that virtureless and transformational are not a words but you gon learn today. Poem started in early April while I was drinking Bushido Sake and kinda going thru it mentally and emotionally in regards to motherhood, womanhood, and other tings.
Apr 10 · 388
Sip of you
Raquie Apr 10
I like....
Fine wine
Top shelf

I got expensive taste
and
youse
Fine wine
Top shelf

I’d drink you down
Like rain water falling in a well

Fill me up & intoxicate me with your touch
I don’t know you but I know love

Baby you looking as tempting as an offering to a Goddess & believe I know myself

I done been had & had some too
I just want to know, if I can take a sip of you
Apr 10 · 37
I used to
Raquie Apr 10
I used to write
I used to write about how sad I was
How he broke my heart
How she broke my heart
How my heart was broke like a vase

Unfixable
Yet I still would try to pick up the pieces to put em together, they cut me everytime
Never was I successful in doing what I was trying.

I think I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be the same
That love is a lost commodity
A joke. A comedy.

I used to believe in love at first sight
I used to love myself when I looked in the mirror
Men love me when they look into the mirror
Good men, bad men too
Because I'm their mirror
but
I dont love them
I make a bad man good and a good man sad
cause
I was good to a bad man and he made me sad
Birthed a baby so I found love
But I held onto that pain and I still ain't neva came back
Does that make me bad?
Or am I just ******?
another expression of my broken heart, one day I'll be alright...
Raquie Nov 2017
black  

   Beautiful
stepping & winding in a cloud of sheer
              
   Loveliness
never lonely cause we so vast. Do di maths
Lift up yah legs & leap thru di grass, water, snow, & sand
                        
Ancestral , we still living!
Americana. Why you hate me? I made you.

     Coming  together
Could you bond our love with

Kinetic Energy?
we bouncing off da walls

•Let me break it down•
•We ain't •

bad

But we create
      Art & culture from
                      Dirt dampened by our blood

****.

Dats what he say when he see my sistars & I
All chocolate, caramel, gravity defying delicious
Men can rarely keep up with all this
Never say never , we are mentally enslaved

thing

That's what them Western Europeans convinced themselves we are
He know we are god's embodied
I know he's ****** about it
Nonetheless
G status: Knowledge is Power

day

Dey hate us cause we the greatest
Aye but these mumble rappers famous
You understand but I want to make you overstand all ism related haters

head

Have you ever been
Enlightened
After you swore him
Dead?
Freewrite from 6 random words
Nov 2017 · 356
Diss Track
Raquie Nov 2017
Regret
What a horrid state
For you could have prevented it
If only
You had listened to your knowing

If only you believed your eyes
When his hand slipped up her leg
As she braided the beautiful locks on his head

If only I had listened to the feeling of jealousy when it first started to grow.

Had I not blamed it on 'these hoes'
Then I would know,
It takes two to tango.

Sick of blaming my mistakes on my youth.
Something's are inevitable but I'll always grit through

You gave me a sun
But I shall move in grace
With or with out you
Your growth I shall not await

Now don't be so quick to call me this or that,
for I am not bitter nor spiteful

I'm far beyond that.
I've forgiven like the most high.
You did some treacherous things to me but I made my bed to lie
& invited you, for one more dance.

Here's your last chance
You've failed again
I crave your gaze, you give me a glance
I crave your touch, you trace my arch with your hands

Hip to hip
Dip down
Den dip
I granted you access
& dismissed you
Disappointed

*** appeal so high
But performance so weak
Like your energy.....

& you call yourself a king.
Check mate.
Freewrite twds Healing
Nov 2017 · 248
Damballah
Raquie Nov 2017
Lover of mine,
Of everyone

You were like a spider
&
I was caught in your web.

Not tight enough to be devoured
But
You hurt me

As I birthed our sun
I found my heart burning
Tear ducts filling with every massage
No longer pouring
But once they were waterfalls

I remember rainy days
& reasonate them with
The transitions
Of positions
As we laid in the bed we made
& made love

& made Malcolm

I remember the rainy days
As it rains today
& wish I could have you this lifetime

I dreamt of your demise
At my hand

I dreamt of your infidelity
Priorly I asked The Most High
Show me something.

And she did.

She told me I don't love you,
You love me.

I woke up bewildered
After cutting the slutty gyal to cheese

Unhealthy.

I don't expect many to understand,
For I still ponder on the messages relayed to me
By the great wise ancestors

I had let you go
I had to let you go
You'd have killed my spirit had I not cut our ties

All my friends & all my family
Had to keep reminding me why

You put spells on me with your rod
You fed me bloodied spaghetti & stories
Figured I'd forget...
But I didn't
& I know your knowledgeable about
The spirits
Trying to play voodoo ****
Maybe next lifetime...
Nov 2017 · 203
Swirling
Raquie Nov 2017
Back at it
Like
A crack addict

White *****.

**** that ****'s morbid.
These stereotypes, I ain't for em
& honestly I'm getting sick of talm bout race

Cause I know I'm the fastest
But you rigged it babe

acting like you down for me

Saying, that ****** is a clown for me

Modern
Day
Slavery

My libido is not your entertainment
But it is
& that's all I am to you

*** appeal
Strong broad shoulders
Smooth brown skin
Reflecting the sun
You just wanna soak it in
This 12 inch sacred ****

       *               *               *

Energy Theif
Preying on the weak
-POST-
-TRAUMATIC -
-SLAVE-
-DISORDER-
He's at war with himself
-WILLIE LYNCH-
Vulnerable cause he don't know his lineage
Generational discombobulation
Instilling addiction, rage, & unhappiness

Self Sabotage
Your people made us this way
SAVAGE?
Like Chitown Drilla Music
That's just what we'll be
Coming for you & all you got
Materialistically
Freewrite on perspectives of white women dating black men & some of the unsaid truths & opinions.
Nov 2017 · 152
Tea & Blizzards
Raquie Nov 2017
Disrespect
Is served best
COLD
Unless you want to leave a burn
Then put desire in her heart,
Lust in her eyes,
&
Do as he did to her

                       *

The sky's been white for a while
The wind's cold like trauma
First little flakes
Then in abundance
The snow falls with grace

Kinda sounds like us
Our love had me way up
When the sun was shining
I felt Irie  
But I noticed the leaves changing
Witnessed the rain & then the downpour came for me

All these doubts of mine confirmed
Didn't listen to what I knew
Ignorant & Niave

          'you just made it easier for him to
              TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU'

& sometimes he did
most times I didn't mind it
forced myself to be submissive
{sips tea}
so I could bear the pain
so I could play this game

Shots to the face,
As this ***** taunts me,
but I just look hydrated

'So, you think that you're ****, so you think that you know?'
{sips tea}
Personally , yes & if channeled indeed
Really it's you full of toxicity
I bet you wish that you were me
Never would you admit it so I'll stay HUMBLE
Growing up & growing old, you are the latter

Weary, yes I'm tired of maltreatment of my soul
Abused by those, who think they know more than me
Teach me then elder, don't you manipulate me
If I'm supposedly niave , then what does that make thee?
I say, "Guilty"
If we are talking legally.
In other words, that's foul play.
{sips tea}
A thousand kisses, I still wish you could receive
But I'm a queen , we are of different classes
You can serve but you may not sit with me , you fool.

How merciful I am
To even let you live
How far I've come
...
Like a rose
I've grown
Beautiful
& now dangerous

A step up from the disrespected tulip
I was,
I was
Picked & prodded at
He-loves-me-notted with

Reconcile before you come for me,
THE FORGIVING
Oh, I shall not forget ; the painful bliss
*** appeal, that's what gave you all of me
Exodus, I must voyage to a higher freak-queen-see
So you can see the vision
But I'll be out of reach,
preserving me
Nov 2017 · 181
Zonsetyo
Raquie Nov 2017
My sun
A truly pure spirit, rinsed in blood of rebirth
Loved dearly, by the tribe , by the womben
Conscious of his right doings & his wrongs
Overstand that mistakes will be committed in the name of con
Light , let it radiate from you, as the presence of darkness surrounds you
May zonsetyo protect you, bless you, & be with you
Maker of history, like the great Makandal
Revolutionary, the lwa
Reincarnated
Sun, I know who you be

My mission to raise royalty
Spread knowledge
Master self & discipline
Power then will be achieved
There will be many doors
You
& Infinite keys

Do not be niave
& fall a victim to wishful thinking
Delusions are not reality --
Which is vast enough for infinity.

This is not to say don't dream, this is to say self evaluate & plan accordingly

You can be a rose in the concrete, have a spirit of will. You can be that revolutionary, that the powers that be are out to ****.

Zonsetyo be with you
Lwa be in you
All harm wished, will not be done
For the power of his light is equal to our sun

Ra
Ra
Ra

All that it touches, we can call home.
Radiating from your heart, a rolling wave
You are held to no limits.

Zonsetyo
Be with him
Zonsetyo
Live in him
Zonsetyo
Be light
Help him see
Zonsetyo
Be strong
Fight & defend
Zonsetyo
Affirm what has been written
Zonsetyo
Tell all evil, good riddance

Zonsetyo
Zonsetyo
I love you.
For MZXZ
Oct 2017 · 204
FreeWrite about Last Nights
Raquie Oct 2017
Your sun on my breast

2 glasses of tequila,
After we put him to bed...

Herbal wrapped in tobacco then tucked in paper.
Hits smoother than you in your prime.
I'm high in no time.

Tryna school the NWA on chakras, intimacy, & community.

I can tell you're fantasizing what you want to do to me.

I want to want you like you want me

I'm aware that it's unhealthy.

So I locked my womb & swallowed the key.

Blessed the bottle with my touch, glasses clank, & our fingers touch.

Grape seed Oil & Mango scent

Massaging you with great intent.

You love me now & I am content

Your phone rings & now I'm on *******.

Call me jealous, I call me hurt.

You massage my back & I can tell you feel lucky

I can tell you still love me

& I love me too

So ******* , like I once loved you.

Both wondering how we got back here, as we lay in each other's arms.

My intuition alarmed but I'm in control. I am forgiving , I am alive, sacredly living.

It's you who be haunted. It's you who try flaunting.

I see right through you like crystal waterfalls

I stand in the water , as you reach a hand through from the hidden cave

Around you, vast darkeness that can't be explained

You try to pull me in with your rage
But nevermore will I tolerate child's play
Naked
I walked away

These last shots we took,
Made me bulletproof.
Oct 2017 · 396
Rather be yo NIGGA
Raquie Oct 2017
Drunk games of uno
2 shots for the loser
1 for me
&
1 for you too
Can't feel the heat in my chest
But it's creeping up my legs
Immune to the liquor
Cheap ***** tastes like water now
On you like a sticker
& you wit it
Making love when we kick it
Memories
Mar 2014 · 366
Pt.2 VOI
Raquie Mar 2014
Temptation greets you like your naughty friend
So every night this week for the fourth time this week I wonder how often you think of him or her while I’m in your sheets , in between fake concern , right after you ask why I’m in your bed , that person probably pops into your head when I answer that it’s because I’m weak. It’s hard to say that to the person who acts the strongest, so most of the time I’m silent. I don’t know you boy, but I know that you used to get beat so only you can hit me. I do know that you dislike me because deep down there’s him or her who is out of reach and when I say things you see them in me. But I’m a person too, not an object and just because that person isn’t yours to keep doesn’t mean you have to push away everything and anything alike. One day you’ll realize that we were 2 different . Maybe you’ll even want one like me, so you’ll play your game again. The game of making girls in love flee.
breakup poem/ victim of infidelity
Mar 2014 · 738
Mondays
Raquie Mar 2014
Mondays are 1 am cigarette smokes
2 am poetry creations
and a lack of sleep
It’s raiding the fridge but not eating
It’s going outside in your underwear because it’s a MN winter and 55 degrees!
It’s looking in the mirror until each flaw disappears
It’s a bath
a shower
and one more  bath
to feel clean
It’s purging over the toilet and working out
It’s 2 gallons of water
and the pill addiction
no one yet sees
or maybe they just can’t believe because of what monday mornings used to be
Mar 2014 · 763
Miles
Raquie Mar 2014
A queer man found more beauty in me than anyone I’ve ever slept with
I’m not into jesus or anything but theres some energy inside of your face
He said
I could sense your beauty if I was blind, It’s something you can feel
He said
I would never wish the cement of these streets on anybody
He said
They give you that “I wanna stick my **** in you” look out here
And I thought, they do
He was 1960’s wicca gyspy queer
He was grab your hand in this weather and warm it up magick
He was more confident in me than I was
That’s love
He reaked of Whiskey and said **** the parade
Only if it was a male ofcourse
Oh, how he boasted as a gay
I smiled the most that St.Patricks Day
This is dedicated to some drunk homosexual man I met downtown yesterday
Mar 2014 · 1.9k
Walls
Raquie Mar 2014
If walls told stories
you and I’d be the most interesting
During the day theres nothing to say
At night the sinners come out to play

They’d start from the beginning
In the rooms everythings sweating
The walls are damp ,
in between my legs,
the middle of your pants

Our mouths are wet with a formula for ***
Kiss me,
bite my neck,
whats next?
you're *****
I’m wet

Then the sweat freezes over
He rarely sees her
She is submissive
All she does is pleases
Sticks around for no reason

He realizes this
Doesn’t want her
Go away
She refused
“Want me.”
She stays
Mar 2014 · 512
Seasons on End
Raquie Mar 2014
I think your genes are intertwined with the seasons
Spring, Summer, Fall were hard to believe
Then winter intervenes
Tears turns into icicles
Blind cold rage blocks your ability to see
Choking on snow
causes me to stop breathing
Death is cold
“Death, Do you want me?”
Mar 2014 · 518
W.e. you want it to be
Raquie Mar 2014
Failure exists in the reflection of my mirror
Where there’s no kisses
Romance is a dance of the angels
So what do they feed the demons
Vaginal secret(ion) and *****
Pulled hair
Gripped necks
This is love
To feel possessed
abusive relationships/ stop coming at my heart
Mar 2014 · 625
Lack of
Raquie Mar 2014
Smiling never looked so appetizing
Cheshire cat wide
It’s got my eyes open

At night theres no sleeping
Insomnia
I’ve been awake for just over a day,
but these pretty faces are the cause of the things I can’t take
His lack of feeling is why every cell on me shakes

If theres no slumber when do I awake?

Because if this isn’t hell , this is the worst place
In the daylight lucifer ***** me,
more angrily than sexually
but with pain comes pleasure

Red never looked so ****
White has always been pure
What do you mean ***’s not the cure?
Raquie Mar 2014
I have anger issues like my dad. He’s in jail for drinking and driving. Reminds me of Bukowski, except not as smooth. I bet the liquor goes down smooth. Or the women Bukowski ******, I bet they went down pretty **** smooth. Either way I’m like both of them. A writer, drunk, lost soul, *** addict, emotionally unstable. It’s okay because I’m going places.
I tried the corner stores and the bars. They won’t sell to minors or they want to sell minors. **** men, I tell ya. So I always end up back at Jolly’s, the ice cream parlor. The owner has a lesbian granddaughter that I met at the beach last summer. She isn’t a good sight, tries to look like a boy, and still wears a bikini top. **** women, I tell ya. I usually order a rootbeer float. It’s a decent place because he gives you a legitamate amount of icecream. I suppose I’m a regular now, because I come in the winter. It’s not very fun, but it gets me out of the house. My dad called me Christmas Eve when I was orderin my icecream. The calls are 2 dollars for 20 minutes. My grandma pays for it. He said they were taking him to the hospital because of a error in his liver. He didn’t tell me details and I started to worry. Maybe it was cancer. He is a ******* drunk, or was. He’s been working on it for my sister and I. That call was 15 minutes and 5 seconds. He said goodbye and I told hm we had 5 more minutes. Then in the most weak voice I’d ever heard the man I believed to be the strongest he said, “ They’re taking me away now .” I told him I loved him, didnt finish my icecream, and pondered on that last sentence. Making it more deep than it was, but what can I say? I always finish my icecream.
I searched for liquor and went to all the stores to attempt to buy a pack. It didn’t work, A very kind-hearted lady gave me 2 of her smokes though. Back at home, I watered down mums stash and got a light buzz. If my father knew the things I do and have done. I’m so mature, worrying about him. It’s great because no one worries about you when you play the role. I’m a ******* actress. Then he called and I tried not to act happy or sad or anything because I wasn’t any of those. Yet my body does what it wants because it has been acting fake for all those rich men I go to dinner with. Stupid *****, those men. I roofie them. By the time we arrive at their dwelling they are out. I take the credit card numbers down, take all the *****, cigarettes, smash all electronics, drug em enough for 5 days and memory loss. Anyways, father told me it was nothing and that he was fine. I smiled and he smiled. I could feel it through the phone. We have an odd bond. So I started talking about my anger and road rage. I told him that he still owes me a knife and pepperspray. He agreed. I went on to propose he buy me a gun, so I could ‘pop a cap in a muthafukas tire’ when they drive like an idiot. He told me I was crazy like himself. We said we’d help eachother with our feelings.
“I love you baby girl”
“Love you too dad”
“Dont hurt no one”
“Okay”
Soon after I realized what he said and how it’d apply to us. I was in a car after all. I felt like I was going to cry. Then I started giggling. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. It was okay because I was going places in life. Following my dreams.
My father was okay and I could sneak into a crowded bar, so life was good. I ended up at home thinking about **** humans. It was angering. My partner was avoiding me. He called it ‘trying to not develop feelings’. I called it ‘******* dude, you better **** me’. He’s such an idiot. He calls me dumb, despises of my writing, and places his hand on the back of my head when I’m ******* him off. He’s a mental **** that thinks he’s the next Jimi Hendrix. He’s not going places though, he couldn’t follow his dreams if he wanted to. He makes me feel though. Rage. Nirvana. Jealousy. Oh how he brought another girl in once. Then had the nerve to hang her picture up. I suppose it wasn’t that bad, for I saw I was prettier physically. That’s when I got even more ******. What if he was in love with her? Not just her body, like he is with mine. So I wrote some poetry and wrote a letter to my non-existent friend. Basically wrote a diary entry. All this for a big **** in my ******? Wonder where I’m going. They broke up. Thank the lord satan! Maybe I’m going to hell.
Mar 2014 · 849
Open Hole
Raquie Mar 2014
Darkness never felt so bright with you
Elements have never been so intelligent to confuse my senses
Creeping through the atmosphere at it’s most elegant state
Cigarette smoke
Feelings come in waves of pictures that’ll soon be memories
The one thing I’m promised is this motion film of you flicking past me
Intimacy gone in a flash
Raquie Mar 2014
Your eyes with make up
If you let me stare long into them
I could read
your eyes
are always watching
as to assure
I can’t assess them
as to make sure
I can’t test them

Your lips
vary colours
and when they’re dark
youre bright
but you wear light colours
maybe if i bought you black
you’d wear it around me
maybe even kiss me

Sometimes I wonder
if you’re the girl who can set me free
if you let me unlock your eyes
and canvas your lips
it’d be the eureka of my life
Mar 2014 · 620
My Teen Spirit
Raquie Mar 2014
I spoke and I screamed
Yet you couldn’t hear me
Or you didn’t
and you moved and you danced
Stole each man’s glance
except for mine

I suppose I thought I was worth more
But you never are
as a spawn of a *****

Little clouds of chemicals falling down an abyss
leading to a pool of acid
suddenly life was lucid
and the cutting blade no more
cruel than the soul of a loose kid
Mar 2014 · 508
On a Train
Raquie Mar 2014
On a train people sit in their seats
Normally
But I can’t help but shout and squeeze at the demise of myself
Maybe I see what they can’t see naturally
That’s the opposite of what is in these boxes
You, 10, 20, 30 people then me
Those who look ordinary
and they’re all trying to get somewhere
and it’s humane for them
But I can’t take this anxiety
This is what the cattle cars must’ve felt like
I’m on my way home
So yes, the concentration camp
I lack an appetite by choice
I have faith in my religion
I’m Ellie Weisel writing with ink
Not brave enough to use my voice
Yet
I sit in this seat on a train
It’s the 90’s
Nirvana
I’m on a plain
This is so illogical. One of my worst works, w.e.
Mar 2014 · 571
Sensing Her
Raquie Mar 2014
Your name isn’t real and I’m sure I’m the only one who can see that
If it was, people would be able to see pride when you identified yourself
Instead they see a combination of letters behind a wicked lie

Your name isn’t real and I’m sure I’m the only one who can feel that
If it was, when those men touched your name tag, it wouldn’t be to touch your *******
If it was me, I’d press on your heart so hard, as if I could force that fake name into your chest

Your name isn’t real
because if it was it wouldn’t be so rehearsed
while the rest your of your words sound pained and hurt

Your name isn’t real
that name is cherry flavoured ice cream
when you taste of *** and candy

You’re not real
nobody I’ve met has smelled like
Nature and Chanel No. 5
at the same time
No woman I’ve met has
wore a smile
when she wants to die
but you exhale cigarettes
through your mouth
letting death go
yet smelling so alive
There’s no such thing as
a girls tears who have
the scent of innocence
when she’s ******* that many guys
Mar 2014 · 469
Love doesn't work
Raquie Mar 2014
I cant go to sleep tonight, just shut your eyes and burn the path
Whether it be into me or right through me
Close your eyes so tight, tight enough to see mere images of the girl you love
We know she’s not me and with your ways
Negative overpowering, I wouldn’t want to be
To be hostage to your words and everything mean
No, if you loved her you wouldn’t be mean
Maybe eventually
She’d need to pray to God, Allah, Buddha, Zeus
Until one of you was through
Mar 2014 · 840
Breathing
Raquie Mar 2014
Your breath on my neck turns into a tornado within seconds, blowing me away
Drying my lungs of oxygen and hydration
Of the ability to say ..anything that makes sense
But all I can sense is the change of your touch from desire and lust to hate and loathing
I may have always knew and even if I didn’t, there's no denying it now
with my shaking limbs and chattering teeth by my radiator turned up to 90 degrees
Im sorry, and it may be hard to believe so take deep breaths
I breathe it into your chest, I breathe in your toxins and I bleed out black ink to try to keep my sanity, resulting in me overthinking
No, I just bleed ink to bleed ink
There’s a possibility I might like pain
So once again I’m putting myself at fault for your hand
Because this is america, you're the man
I’d beg to differ because a man is a human and your sickly any species that’ll except you but not the synonym to what I should be
I’ve lost my sanity, but human nonetheless
I’m a being, just crazy...
2014
Mar 2014 · 500
No one in Particular
Raquie Mar 2014
She didn’t need a lot of milk in her cereal, just enough to make it damp. Come to think of it, she was like that with mostly everything. Only needed the bare minimum to survive or to even be satisfied. This may have been why I loved her, or maybe the fact that she catwalked in the middle of a ghetto. Or maybe it was because she smoked cigarettes in the winter on her porch in a sundress.
Mar 2014 · 555
Sarah Files
Raquie Mar 2014
She lit her cancer sticks with the candles that she lit up with her eyes when she was lit up, bouncing up and down on that strangers thighs. So she smiled. When you smile you’re happy and with her it appeared so otherwise her dark eyes wouldn’t have that ****** glow.

Now have you ever thought maybe we women are all actresses and this thing we call life is a performance. Just because she showed some skin didn’t mean she’d decrease her value, as a star it takes lifetimes over lifetimes to dim. So she sat on Venus and talked to the goddess, not a gas planet but she spun on the rings. Living on the edge, almost falling off the rims. After a few times around she did get sad and her world was like Alaska in the winter. Cold and Dark for days after days until that season ended.

But this wasn’t sports, so when would this end. Yes, this wasn’t sports because this wasn’t just a game. Well in the end it was kind of like sports with the angry fans and sweating athletes trying to please people who paid for this event. It was a lot like that last part, pleasing fat angry lonely beer drinking patriotic men. Taking clothing articles and undergarments one at a time off her skin she would try her best to play the game, please the audience and still win.

But what did it mean to win. To get a lump sum of cash like this was a boxing match? It kinda is, to try to reason that living the label of a negative stereotype could somehow be good for you? Beating yourself up on things bad for your body before you fought that bear physically, just so you could leave 30 minutes later with a decent state of mind and to be healthy mentally.
Healthy? Now what is that, a good beating heart to be thin, in america we can’t be fat. But we are, fat in our stacks that go to 1 out of the 100 people that live in this country. Fat, yeah we’re fat inhaling McDonalds because it’s all the other 99% of us can afford. It’s illegal to farm on our own because we might provide something healthy, something that’ll keep us alive.

So this cigarette is as natural as it gets, and the horse tranquilizer inside of it takes her to a prairie where she earned her fake name Black Beauty because that horses eyes reminded her of her own, and when she looked deep enough on a sunny day she could actually see the reflection of herself. And as she takes another hit of the Cadmium she got vibes of energy and flashed back like a campfire flashlight to the days when she carefully inspected the batteries to make sure she was putting them in the remote correctly.

How is it that her careful eye has boiled itself down to making sure a middle aged mans ***** goes inside of her correctly, bandaged with a ****** like her brain will need to be bandaged with gauze because she decided those cigarettes weren’t keeping her sane enough. These men aren’t reliable so she’ll die in the hospital bed she can’t even call her own for she forgot her name. She’s struggling to pay forth for the 1 million dollar X-ray so Mr. 1% can hopefully try that electrifying fish someday. In her last hours she’ll regret every man she let lay a hand on the small of her back, every man she ****** off like a summer snack, every man who labeled her worth on the minutes out of the hour she was there and by the ****** favor.

My lesson here is to never sell yourself like she did, ****** or no ******, a baby and 3 hours of labor is just 18 years of reminding you that 1 hour with you was worth 225 of their dollars, 9 months of your year, and a new label to a single mothered child who would seep infinite tears due to the lack of knowledge of why mother loathes you and why mommy’s eyes are as dark as the words she doesn’t speak to you. And hopefully this child will grow up relieving it’s blues though rhythmetic clues to his or her life, just as I am telling the story of a girl I met and learned for two days who just happened to be a *******.

— The End —