To even commence to define how profoundly I fell in love with you, I would need the capacity of a thousand-page manuscript written in the most romantic idiom.

Each, and every retention of us is stowed into the back of my conscious, and concealed deep into my heart.

Every beautiful memory plays through my head like soft music.

I would say my heart is immovable.  There are days that I try to sojourn the thoughts of you, but its intolerable for me to do so.

I am so engulfed in your perfection. I do not think there has been a single day that you have escaped my thoughts.

I can feel your presence with me if I ponder our memories deeply enough. Your presence weighs heavily in my heart. It is as if part of your soul occupies its crevasses, and fills my cracks.

Your eyes are echoes of a hundred distant galaxies no man has ever revealed. Vast windows that reflect the constellations.

My heart is certain the universe resides in them.

As I begin to study your face, I feel like nothing but love can exist.

Your porcelain perfection never ceases to weaken me.

You weaken me with love, trust, and desire. Like the finest specimen created by the hands of Gods.

As I anticipate the connotation of love, the implication is “you”.

Even if the fire for what you feel for me dies, I do not reason the passion I have for you will ever dim.

I do not begin to recollect if I had ever felt this susceptible.

I let this passion be valued like the rarest stone.

I would give up the entire world if it meant I could have you in my life endlessly.

Your happiness is of grave importance to me, when I study your smile, I can overlook the darkness of this decaying reality.
  
Every heartbeat of time my mouth declares three unpretentious words.

“I love you”.

I say it like an invocation.

Not one moment did my tongue express profanity against these golden words of poetry.

I love you. “ I Love You” . And solitarily just you.  

I wallow in my own sorrows at the thought of the culmination, when we shall one day part at death's hand.

For I deeply distinguish that you love me equally, and this brings vast pleasure to my temperament.

I sense security in your encirclement, your heart is my home.

My heart qualms of my fragile weakness that I consume when I dream of you.

You make me susceptible to the sickness of love.

If love was a poem, you would be the title.

I feel the humid emotion in our room

This room where feelings are felt and magic happens between you and I

You, sitting on the edge of our bed..motionless as the air itself..

Your pale colored eyes looking hungrily all over me..craving desire..

I know you want me..

Your layered jet black hair falling over your face in a roughed up lust..

I , sitting across from you on the ground

These old cherry glazed wooden floors that are so familiar to us

Sitting half undressed,  motionless

My hair in a mess, like one of those models posing in a vogue magazine

Desperately waiting for something to spark between this still nature

My eyes

looking you up..

and down …

I want you…

I crave your touch

That euphoric rush you give me when your skin meets mine..

I want to feel your warmth up against my body

A feeling I longed to feel for so long

Sometimes I wondered if love really exists?

Sitting alone, envisioning, and always thinking of you

Is love just a movie?

It starts, and sadly ends

When I see you here in front of me, I deeply reflect.

I think no, never.

You are the definition of love

You are my beautiful distraction

The way your eyes lock on mine, they paralyze me, our gaze is cemented

I wonder if you feel the same about me

The emotions rush through my body as I passionately look at your perfection

I the butterfly, and you the lion, such strong complexities to obtain.

I leisurely rise and walk towards you following your desirable gaze

I get close to your body and touch your gentle face, you let me get into your lap.

You make me fear, you

I touch you to reassure this is real

The love I have wanted for so long.

I kiss your soft skin, and bite your lips gently.

Your warm body up against mine makes me melt in your arms.

We share deep and passionate kisses that I wish would last forever.

But forever is too long and I would be a corpse decaying in your arms.

This memory will always linger
I only want more from you.

Take me somewhere we both know we want to go

I whisper words into your ear softly

Words that haven’t been spoken as long as I could remember.

I shudder with life every time your touch embraces my soft skin.

I close my eyes and the world spins into a maelstrom of pure bliss

a beautiful desire.

A blank space occupies my existence.
Sleeping alone again.
My hearts thermometer shattered.
I've caught a cold the day you left and I haven't gotten better.
Loneliness is a detriment to the cardiac.
A coffin without its corpse.
The hollowness of an empty hearse.
Both of us know that funerals don't work this way.
We belonged together
you said we'd never be alone again
you said we would never end
you said
you promised

I tried
I tried
I tried
I hurt
You thrived
I tried
I hung on
I’m tired
You’re gone.

His flawless facade veiled his private malignity, your sultry devil in sheep’s clothing.

Dreaming in ivory she heeded nothing.
The solace rushed through each cell like unalloyed ecstasy.
Evaporating her last sigh, she let go of the agony left viable within.
Life wasn’t absolute anymore, self identity was consumed.
A lifeless corpse with no earthly ties, no human needs.
Decay began having his way with her devoid flesh case.
Life flourishes from blight so gracefully.
What once contained memories and dreams, was now reduced to naught.

The sky descended its sapphire pearls from its embellished chalice. The pearls decorated my lonesome face, I stared upwards into the grey heavens of solemnity. I was searching for answers.

I felt nothing as the water rolled off my fingertips, those precious jewels crashed the surface of the decrepit earth. This feeling I so longed for, so begged for, so sought.

Empty like a vessel, I stood and soaked the frequency in, seconds that felt like days, time stopped, it stopped for me. Maybe for once in my life I was in control, this was it.

No pain, no sorrow, I was free. In that moment I bathed. Bathed in the past, as my future filled my lungs, I was drowning in truth.

Baptized from suffering, I was rooted, longing for the gods to purify me. I am a mere spec in the vast void, existing, while life just moves on.  

I couldn’t fathom moving on, what good could that bring if nothing in life was guaranteed.

And just like that, the fear crept back in again, and I found myself, back in hell.

Staring at yourself
forgetting the clock went round.
standing, staring
dead faced with those lost eyes.
cringed soul.
mascara dripping down your lower lashes like streams of black ink.
leaning up against the sink.
when a girl cries its calligraphy.
her tears spell out the sadness bleeding out of her soul.
nobody cries with emptiness.
you're a rotting corpse
maggot infesting.
its emotional ******.
an empty skeletal.
dismembered.
discarded.
when nothing pains anymore.
nothing gives meaning anymore.
the mind wanders.
walking along a tight rope of death with the thoughts of losing balance.
sleeping but never waking sounds like joy to you.
life is still yet present.
you're still here.
stuck.
alone.
motivation ceases existence.
you want to *****
sun rays piercing through the window feel like needles jabbing your eyes.
signs of optimism eat the insides of the soul like a disease.
that same routine.
tired of how pathetic it feels
that shattered slab of glass gets exhausted of that repetitive view.
the view of you.
you just want to be them.
the people outside your window.
the ones with the smiles.
the ones that have everything.
but when you can't even be happy with yourself.
how do you expect to be happy with
anything at all.


You can't.

I like the way you say my name.
It’s the only resonance I need as I lay alone in the onyx night.
I miss you the most when I feel insignificant.
Maybe just maybe, you’ll think of me when I’m not around.
Maybe you’ll remember how much you aroused my heart.
I cherished you more than I did my own sanity.

Life molds you into a shapeshifting mess.
One stumbles through different tribulations, and the soul diversifies as the years pass.
You turn into different versions of yourself.
It’s like treading through hell, but you taste heaven at the same time.
It’s not a choice, it’s a requirement.
Its like drinking liquid gold. The concept is luxurious, but it kills you so deliberately.
A beautiful solemnity?
Emotions so immense.
It hurts so much to breathe, to exist, yet you need to stay, you stay because of love. We suffer to exert empathy. Love is the cutlass that impales deeply.
It cuts far, it makes you bleed profusely, but it feels so good.
It just feels so good.
Is there a point to it all in the very end?
Happiness seems temporary. Chasing it is like the drop you feel when the veil is pulled from under your foundation; long, scary.
Happiness is the rarest paragon.
The heart, heavy and the mind, full.
Wondering day after day.
Who will understand me, touch me, sense me.
Wonder, keep wondering.
Wonder possesses you.
Wonder keeps watching you.
Wonder doesn’t let go, it comes to watch you die.
That’s the why, that’s the death.
Life will never give you an answer.

We are married to pain.
A harrowing relationship of toxicity.
A forever maelstrom of “why me”.
Look at you, begging for death to come earlier than planned.
It’s like staring at the knife to do the deed for you.
It’s like feeling grief for the first time with no solace.
It’s like choking on your own ***** while gasping for air.
ill with sorrow.
Knotted with no release.
Kissing the barrel of a gun.
Lust with no body to touch.
You are sick, you never get better, but they say it gets better, trust me it gets better.
Glass in your mouth, cutting your cheeks every time you force a smile.
It’s the bottom of an empty bottle that didn’t drown your feelings.
An emptiness of a bottomless abyss.
A sinking hole in a heart that’s decaying.
Seeing in black and white in a place full of color.
Numbness like the anesthesia you beg for so you don’t feel, can’t cry, can’t hurt.
It’s forever, it’s now, and tomorrow and tonight, for hours, and months, and days.
It never ends, it never stops.
Pain until you see black.
Pain until people cry over your lifeless body.
Pain until crows pick at your flesh.
Pain until you rot.
Pain until life stops.
And then pain creeps into the lives of those who cared for you, now they feel the pain.
Pain is a disease.
Pain is torment.

Tell me again, what did I do to deserve perpetual torture?

straight from heaven itself..
we fell
just fell straight down into the darkness.
our angel wings were pure..
they slowly became engulfed into the filthiest black as we fell further with gravity
we fell through the trees
the sharp branches slit our skin and scratched the feathers of our wings as we fell
we shattered the earths surface..
we sat staring at the strangeness...
these gentle wings drooped downward around our bodies..
softly they brushed the cracking land we sat on with their gentle tips
..the tall trees hunching their claws over us whispering curses of deceit
we once shook with fear
but now this became our realm of comfort...
porcelain tears formed at the edges of our eyes
our tears never reached the ground
these hearts that once existed
sadly crystalized
our cold stone hearts stopped beating..
our eyes turned into glossy black marbles...
we could stare right through your soul if we wanted
we were
vulnerable
deepened with sadness
a sadness that was reflected through our eyes
an emotion so deeply piercing a rusted fork trying to stab through a rib cage in a repeating jabbing motion wouldn't even compare.
longing for something that we never found.
the maps to happiness were burned with the fire of hatred
hair lay over our black mirror eyes
our radiant halos diminished radiation
they dimmed to dullness..these delicate auras we cherished
yet they were replaced...
replaced with a black aura and a pair of distorted glazed horns
those twisted manifestations
I watched them arising from that pretty little head of yours as it ruptured your scull
we matched and it made me smile
I think I felt a certain beauty for these creatures we became
our eyes glossed and down cast
we do not look up to the sun anymore because it did not exist
the moon was my favorite, it spoke in tongues
take my soul and stash it 6ft under with the decay.
we manifest the lurid .
you and I.
imperfection must have a place to go with its own kind..
because nobody wants un-ordinary
you are the only one who understands what I feel...
because we feel together..
we fell together..
we are defected as two
but we can love each other..
we love each other in this distorted form of beauty.
this frozen air representing a noose choking the trachea
the thick fog blurring our sight from paradise visions
that loveliness that we are restricted to see any more
but, this vision of darkness suits my  emotions better.
we will call this place home sweet home.
this place filled with fear.
for we cast it like a spell upon the land.
this solemn forest of decrepitude
not just evil..but conniving.
we just add onto this darkness of confused, and mentally abused.
we will find more people and start designing their headstones with their bones like name tags.
you and I.
to create our own universe of this ugly beauty we define.
together we fell.
together we will fiend.

As black as the coffee it is you drink every morning.
As black as the view as you lie in your casket.

You try your hardest to devastate my reputation
but in veracity my dear, your slowly degrading
your  individual own,
that sickly corrupted image you hold.
bit by bit you will disintegrate,
then “****”
you renovate to non-existence.
your gone.
I express amusement.
your **** won't be taken,
yet it was never received.
that bitchiness you held was never understood.
It was negativity only prepared from jealousy.
What were you ever thinking in that conniving little conscience of yours?
Did you ever discontinue to think if it was even worth it all?
I throw on a half smile every time I think of your failures
The way you tried to fail me.
The difference between me and you my friend..
Is that your dead.
And I am alive..

;\
/
,
By Ken Sanes

It is about

       a world gone mad,

               which is spread out evenly
but clumps together in the place
where there were blood curdling screams.
And it is about right now
                     in the old house
with the creaking door
that opens
                \
slowly
and the thin plane of light
that cuts into the dark entry,
landing on eyes that seem to follow you
from behind a painting.
But certainly you are being paranoid
because there are no apparitions
                  ;
and nothing is moving through the hall.
Then again, now that you’re in, you understand
it is about love and hate, and love of death
pallor,
and the first time,
when the screams are louder
the second time,
and he is mad   utterly mad
imbued with a perfect evil   purified of petty motive
reveling in the ideal of suffering
and finely tuned     not even needing flesh
but     cold       sinister      and incorporeal
laughing maniacally     unseen
in the darkness
             with a sharp blade that
                                            goes
               ­                            /
                                         in

& horrific screaming
                                 ,

This universe is a void..
a twisted confusion
a histrionic tunnel of illusions
confused for the natural occurring.
what is normal they ask?
They ask yet their is no answer to this mind twisting question.
normal doesn't exist.
this will keep your mind on lock for days.
weeks.
for their is no straight answers to this complex idea our minds initiate.
normal is something everyone is taught to know
something everyone just follows just because that is all we
are ever taught to go after.
what if I step out of line? tell me what happens then.
we are considered out of norm?
"an outcast"
but im sorry.
this is the opposite.
my mind tells me that the whole world is out of the norm.
what then?
will the world adapt to my views?
what if answers didn't exist?
how do our minds formulate such things.
things that make us satisfied.
what if the answers we were ever given were always lies.
or wrong all these years.
do you feel a sense of confusion?
do feel crazy?
If you feel crazy then you are not.
If you say your not crazy,
then yes,
you certainly are crazier than crazy itself.
I feel this feeling that we are living in a world that knows nothing.
what is nothing?
is nothing....
-----------------.
yes I suppose.
but is that what we are taught to know that nothing is ------------?
what is.......?

You walk forward into the thick darkness..
you feel the cool stillness surround you...
the air is crisp..you can breathe
but thats all about to change ..
you take two steps forward like a blind man searching his way around
color doesn't exitst here...the light is dead...
but you must watch your
every
step.
Two steps forward..you feel safe, but no
you start to fall...you yell..grabbing into the black nothingness to stop this scare
suddenly you hear the screams of excrutiating torture..
your mind plays tricks on you.
It cannot possibly be taking you here!
you hit the bottom of some un- known abyss
flames burn under your feet.
but you cannot scream
because here
you have no say.
you see demons surround you..coming close to you with their deathly screams
running into the darkness you hear them behind you..
you run till your feet bleed
you feel them grabbing for your neck..
your arms
your torsoe
grabbing for all that exists of you.
Their howls and screams make your heart skip a beat
Thoughts flood your mind..you cannot think
your choking.
your suffocating
no your dying
your
dead.
the fire consumes your body as the domonic beings
eat your remains inside out..
their teeth dripping with your adrenaline infested blood
their claws peircing your body
ripping you to shreds.
they enjoy to see you better this way..
better than you were when you were living
A view from above. you were left for dead.
you are nothing because you let them catch you
so run..
run as fast as you can
just
r
  u
    n
       because here...life doesn't exist..
you must just..

**die trying

Get familiar with knowing silence, it is the permanent outcome for us all.

Karma bites into the necks of terrible people like the devil suffocating his lamb with an impending grin.