I am a wall flower all on my own
I am much stronger when I am alone
Pity me not, for I am at peace
Alone in serenity I am at ease

so comfortable in pain
that I'm uncomfortable in its absence.

they said fall in love
he said fall for me
but no one ever told me it came with a fee

you're a salty and sweet dream
praline and cream

His thread weaving through my silk cloth
Agonizing at first I had thought,
he punctured exhaustively through my sheath.
I felt broken and torn from deep beneath
I then came to the realization; I was sewn up tighter and tougher than ever before
so

Thank you.

I know the world might make you hate yourself
but please stay as soft as you are,
be soft for me.

Such beautiful masks may conceal the most rancid souls,
but in due time, those masks fall off.
Remember, the use-to-be's, they no longer count,
And in due time, time does heals all.

I was angry at my father for abandoning me
I was angry at my brother for not guiding me
I was angry at my mother for not protecting me
I was angry at him for not loving all the pieces of me
Every moment of every dayI was enraged
I wept and wept in the name love
but truly I was brimmed with grief
the grief I felt
from the love I did not give myself.

Repeatedly she dies, all just in one life time;
it seems she dies religiously
she hopes each time, death would lead her to nirvana
but instead she wakes up
just to realize she is exhausted and still stuck, alive.

You forgot to love me in the places I am broken
Like the cracks of a frozen lake,
Inevitably I fell through to the cold water
you, out of my reach.

I round on geriatric patients in the psych ward every morning.
Today my patient said something that rattled me to my core. She said,
"Don't ever pluck your eyebrows they're so thick and beautiful,
don't ever change yourself because they'll all tell you to,
I did it...." she trailed off. For a moment, I wondered if she was lucid.
I asked her what she meant, but she began rambling unintelligible words. I couldn't get much else out of her except what little wisdom her old tattered brain could muster up.

my coffee grows cold
as did my love

My heart aches
But I can't tell if it aches cause it misses you
or because it misses me.

So much to say,
No way to say it.

You put a spout on your love and you decisively let it drip,
I am a waterfall of never ending flow to quench thy lips.

my muse is my sorrow,
if it did not exist i would not find beauty in the rain nor solace in my pain.
it'll always find different ways to manifest,
but at least it is safe to say
it is no longer my unwelcome guest.

shatter me to specks and flecks
i'd give my heart to you yet again

Seen but have never been heard,
Heard but have never been listened to.
Loved but have never been in love,
Kissed but have never been touched.

why am I more afraid of losing you than I am of losing myself?

I wrote my name in the sand and waited for your waves
to carry the sound of my name away
I did not realize I would be waiting an eternity,
Your supposed love in all its breivity
because your waves are weak, and your tides run low
and a love like mine, someone like you could never really know.
That you lack depth, and could never dive into the sea of my constellations,
That your soul reeked of rancid  soul ******* desperation.
That you could never love a love like me,
So let me write my own name in the sand,
and let me leave it there engraved in the earth
My name to keep.

He feeds me words so appetizing but he leaves me so feeble and starved

You claimed to be my knight
       delivering me from demons
             But it was you, I needed saving from
                             It was you all along.

How silly the notion that he could ever hold and mend the cracks that chipped so deeply they created craters and voids as deep as black holes.

how silly indeed.

i hear you in my head
but i do not see you
are you in my head?
or is there no real you

I have been hurting her by forcing her to love in moderation
and accepting love in moderation

love is habituating
as are broken hearts

You must have kissed me a million times before , I thought to myself
but today you kissed me and it was as if  our lips did not recognize each other,
and I couldn't even recall the last time you had kissed me.
as I moved my lips and swirled my tongue,
I realized our love was no longer young
and we had grown apart without saying a word

I wait for me,
the way I used to wait for him

Reevaluating the character of people you are bound to is a good way to clear the clutter of your mind

smog all over your head
you're hanging on just by a thread.
I'm worried about you. I worry about you,
but then you flash me a smile that tells me
your gleam of interest to live burns deeply,
and I've never met anyone so radiantly alive yet somber.
the most beautiful paradox I've ever laid eyes on

I searched for a love that could not be found

I sat by the rocks on top of the cliff over the beach that was conveniently  placed behind my school.
Or rather my school conveniently placed in front of it.
I felt alone as I sifted through my notes and waited for him to come. I hoped he would come but I did not know if he would. I was used to expecting the worst, and I convinced myself this time would be no different.

Beyond the overhang of the cliff I sat, there was a man fishing, wearing a bright pink hat and yellow shoes. He stood on a rock all alone as he intricately moved his hands along  his fishing line. I could not make out the movements but I could tell he was well rehearsed.

I kept peaking over my shoulder to see if I would see him coming to join me but he was no where in sight. As I sat there watching the fisherman, I realized I was not at all alone. A contentness  fell over me as I realized that I was never really alone. Or perhaps that being alone wasn't really being alone when you can make peace with it.

In that moment I realized what I had always realized but was never able to make peace with:
We would probably wander much of our lives alone but we ultimately get to chose if we want to be lonely or not.
Some days I will feel lonely, and other days I'd find my fisherman in the distance to find comfort in.

When the luminous parts of me shed light on the darkest parts of you; that scares you doesn't it?

I am the moon,
no perception or projection of shine or shadow
can change me,
discern me or not, it does not change that I am full no matter.

My moonlight knight, was just an intangible, empty  projection.
Thats the thing about poets, their words drip of rich nectar, but it only alludes the sweetness of honey

I have written a hundreds of letters
uttered a million words
All with the sea of hope
that you may understand
But my pen is still bleeding words that never seem adequate
to make you understand the contention, which is my sense.