When it comes to you,
it is not about
the word 'happy'
I am talking about
It is about how the
world turns,
or the night changes,
and the sun rises
It is about your hand
that keeps me sane,
or your smile,
and how it teaches me
about missing someone
It is not just happiness
you give
It is about how
grateful I am
to have the privilege
of loving you.
 Mar 28 twenty-six
Zoe Sue
I want to hate you
In your rightness
And wrongdoings
In your cold shoulder
And your warm embrace
I want to hate you
When the plans fall through
And when theyre more perfect than lottery winning dreams
I want to hate you
When i cant feel like enough
And when you arent there to see me thrive
I want to hate you when the nights are lonely
Or when listless lovers wont fill me up
I want to hate you
On cloudy days
And cloudless
On depression days
And joyous
I want to hate you
When friends ask how i am
Cause im so wrapped up in trying to hate you
I forgot how to love myself
So ready to blame you
Yet so scared to repair myself
I am so lost without you
That i just might find myself
 Mar 28 twenty-six
mks
she is the heaven
you would go to hell for
 Mar 28 twenty-six
idk
I stopped writing.
Not because I fell out of love with it...
My emotions just seemed to disappear.

I started a new medication.
The doctor said it would help my panic disorder, and it did.
I took that pill, like my mother talks to God (every morning).

When I went back to the doctor she said we had to up the dosage because apparently having 2 panic attacks a week still isn't okay.
I told her that when I woke up this morning I got out of bed without crying, but she didn't consider that as much of a victory as I did.

When I was put on a higher dosage, my emotions shut down.
After a few weeks I stopped crying, my OCD got better, my panic attacks were gone, and I could even go into the student union of my college campus without my heart trying to win a race against my thoughts.

I could breathe.

But, I also stopped having fun.
I felt like a stranger in my own body.
My emotions found the exit on the plane and jumped, never to be found again.

Since when did being able to breathe require me to feel like this?
 Mar 28 twenty-six
Simoné
It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived
 Mar 24 twenty-six
Ava
they say if you
could go back in time
to meet a young
Hitler
would you shoot him
right away
or let history
just sit there

would you try to
tell him what might be
if he becomes a
monstrosity

would you maybe wait
until you knew
if he could
really destroy
you too

would you kill
him with no qualms
saying it was evil
blood on
your palms

or would you,
like me, have
a change of heart
and try to teach
that little Hitler
art?
 Mar 8 twenty-six
Her
the moment a poet
falls in love with you

is the moment
you live

f o r e v e r
she
she has the moon in her eyes,
and the sun in her smile.
she is a walking contradiction,
with no real direction.
unsure of the world around her,
she hides behind clouds and thunderstorms.

she is the lightening and the sunshine,
the night and the day.
she might just let herself slip away.

she has the sun in her smile,
but the moon in her eyes.

m.e.
 Nov 2017 twenty-six
Annie
Red roses
And your broken smile
Don't go
Please stay here for a while

We'll talk
About how the world will end
The dark theories
And the forgotten thread

The broken glass
And the moon lighting our faces
Feel the moment
Feel it before we leave our traces

In a hundred years
And days I can't count
These silk robes will smell like us
But we won't be here -we won't be found
Its midnight,
I'm alone at my desk
As I have been for hours,
Nothing atypical tonight.

Instead of playing video games,
I'm listening to music.
I mean, truly experiencing music
Like I have never thought possible.

All the worries, my problems,
Seem but minor insignificances
Compared to the problems
Of the people in the songs
That thousands have heard,
All of which whom experienced them
In unique, yet meaningful ways.

For once, I'm content,
Like everything will be okay.
A future of feeling like this
Is a future I want for myself.

The only problem is
I have no idea where to even begin,
But that might be because
I'm already there,
And I never want to leave.
Where do I go from nowhere?
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