it is the birthday of a dead man
the day the world began
the end of all that has ever been and all that ever will be
and it is during this time of year that i am reminded of a minuscule speck
a mountain of joy, an avalanche of the heart
of emotions I dare not speak 
of words too intricate to attempt to explore
i swing my heart by a tethered rope
with the hope that when it falls flat against the cold tiles of realization 
it will mend itself with knowledge that all things mend
and i have felt
as minuscule as a speck
and as grand and loved as a mountain 
and i remember my beloved oak tree 
extending its branches far beyond my reach
beyond the horizon 
beyond me
and with eyes twinkling with wonder 
i ask my beloved oak tree
will you please stay with me?
he smiles knowingly
there are words he does not speak
and when i ask
he shelters me
he urges me to ask for whatever answers my heart desires 
and when he speaks 
i am all wonder as i hear words like i've never heard before and letters said with a command beyond that of a general 
and that is how we spend our days
i am all the oak tree wished for
i marvel at everything it has seen 
i am so happy he is my oak tree
and there might be emptiness where it stood
but I will always make room for it next to me

when we come into being
we are given very few Instructions
we are given a name, a faith a blade
but never told how it is we need to fend for our souls
to the eternal quest of finding a surface 
that reflects you faithfully 
that echoes the truths of our state
is all there is to being, to prove that we do?
is it with the hope that we might make another's existence that much more tolerable? 
is life supposed to be tolerated?
is there power in escape? 
to take your pen
write the words you've found in your soul
share your precious gilded letters 
with the world
and hope they kind find solace
in like-minded blood-soaked letters
perhaps I will serve as a cautionary tale
and perhaps that is enough
perhaps wanting more than what is offered
is a sin in and of itself? 
but perhaps the world would not have come into being without the sinners
those who dare to ask for more
to take

we dare not speak
for thoughts are forbidden 
in the ashes of what was once our beloved kingdom we stand 
unrecognizable 
we sleep cradling what little is left of our printed word
i hold it faithfully to my chest
i owe all that i am to you
thoughts float, suspended in midair
waiting for those of us with nets to catch them 
softly place them on loving pearly white mattresses 
comfortable? you'll outlive man’s time
beyond the falling of allies
beyond the dying of the sun
beyond us
beyond them
beyond wars, salvation and greed
you clench all that we are
in a single fist
as if the bane of human existence 
exists
in a book

two faces of a coin
two siblings of the heart
passion ignites both
but hurt is left in the wake of one
we forget that our hearts are not coins
the world is not so
it is a blessing and a curse
the things we feel
we do so with such conviction
and human emotion is filled with contradictions
and nothing but a hair separates love and hate
all the evidence you need can be found in a dagger in the back of caesar the great
in the burning of cathedrals, empires and states
but hate is not poison
it does not rot your soul
it is not love
it does not ebb and flow
it retires to the hidden chambers in between your ribs
you slam the door and throw the key

i wish i could have given you fully what you partially bestowed upon me

have I felt the consequences of you
for so long
that it became the only truth I accept
I love you
fact
you are unaware
fact
we are both broken pieces looking for a home
fact
but these facts change very little
in that your heart does not long for mine
my words do not carve holes in your chest
your hands rose splintered not
and I do not know how to exist outside of you