When it comes to time,
many of us are fair-weathered friends.

In one brief moment we can save it
then turn right around and **** it.

Still, time is a thief,
so I guess we're even.

In the cold fall air
doubting ourselves
aren’t we quite the pair
we sit in silence all alone
yet so much is fixed
we help each other build
what people have destroyed
just an unusual pair

I could never explain what the feeling is like
But I’ve always known
It doesn’t seem like a sickness
I’ve always pondered
Always a thought in the back of my head
An acceptance only I knew and no one else would believe
I’ve always welcomed my final day
As kid I didn’t fear death but wondered would it matter if I died in this instant
Would the world care
Would I actually ever become anything relevant
Temptation wasn’t a thing but rather a challenge
I did things that I felt might end me in the quickest way
It’s only grown since then
It’s not a l threat because I don’t plan things
They just happen
I’m well aware I need help
I just don’t know how to anymore
I feel trapped and have no actual words to say because if I do they don’t seem real
I accept my flaws the issue seems I don’t feel my words carry any weight or any substance for someone to want to listen to me.
It’s always the same response I’ve heard it all
I’m trying really I am
My efforts should be noticed but I don’t feel they seem like enough  because well deep down
I still don’t see my purpose
I don’t think I need help finding it because I’ve never felt I served one.
Since I was a young child I’ve thought this and you wouldn’t believe it if I said it out loud
Maybe reading will help understand what I feel
I’m sorry
This is what I feel on a daily basis and can’t stop these thoughts
I do not mean to offend in anyway
please know that
This is my solace . Words on paper

My life is soo much better.
Since you entered it.
You're my treasure and I must remember this.

The love you have unselfishly given to me.
Just can be dismissed.
And I must remember this.
You're my treasure and its a privilege loving you.

If offered a trade.
I wouldn't accept it.
Mire likely be upset for the approached.

It's you that I love.
It's you that I want.
And I must remember this.

When I see your picture?
When you before my face?
And I must remember this.
You're my treasure.

so uhm.
hi.
oh-
how have i been feeling?
honestly...
i’ve uh.
been thinking of killing myself.

again..

hm.

so uhm.

i just really wanna die.

to be honest,
i have everything.
knife.
rope.
suicide notes.

i’m ready.

I don't know why I don't write anymore
Typing these words out is now suffocating
Like I'm not living them anymore
They're a shadow of my feelings
That are expansive and depthless

I don't know why I can't write anymore
The words escape and falter
In scatter plots across my tired mind
My soul aches to bleed, battered by blind numbness
But the bandages I have put on it are so tight

I see why I can't write anymore
I can't let them open my bandages
I don't want my wounds to tear open again
I am terrified of what I will feel
Of all that I will feel
The expansive and depthless abyss
Of sadness I am keeping at bay

Nothing has been the same since I lost her

But how long will this unfeelingness last?

Will I survive feeling whole again?

when i was younger i used to believe
that every one is good or bad
no in between
catholic upbringing, you know the drill
now as i grow i realize
the lines are a lot more blurred than when first perceived
and sometimes it's good to be bad

nothing is true and everything is bland
you're naive for thinking otherwise
we're force fed these stories
of princesses and castles and love and friendship
but nothing is true and everything is a lie
you'll thank me late for ripping that off
love will end and trust is dead
you're naive for wanting otherwise