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Jan 20 · 30
empty
Willow Jan 20
in one breath,
i lost everything

there was a hole in my heart
draining me of life

i put on a mask
to cover up my true nature
so that someone would come
and fill the hole up
instead slowly i began to leak
seeping into other people

until all that was left
was nothing

i felt nothing

i opened my mouth
to scream for help
but all that came out was
a thundering silence
that enveloped the whole room
creating a black hole
leaving nothing

so in one breath
i lost everything
but really nothing
I really messed up. I keep blaming my friends for my unhappiness, cause sometimes I truly feel that I am all alone. But now they either hate me or think i'm broken. Which is worse?
Nov 2018 · 68
on fire
Willow Nov 2018
The morning light creeps in,
slowly,
into every crevice
filling the peeling paint
with glistening honey dew

It discovers every concealed flaw
but rather than exposing it,
to harsh judgement
it transforms it
lighting the room on fire
Oct 2018 · 958
Sorry
Willow Oct 2018
I am so sorry,
For all of it
And yet nothing at all

I'm sorry,
That I let you in
Opened up my heart
Let all that love pour out
Only to be left empty,
Discarded into a spiraling despair
As if I was nothing

I'm sorry,
That to me you were everything
You were my one source of comfort
In a world of hurt
And yet here I sat
With a gut wrenching headache
From all of this tumbling regret

I am so sorry,
That I was not enough for you
When you were too much for me
Dec 2017 · 187
Most Days
Willow Dec 2017
Most days I think of you
I think of your smile
And your soft pearl skin
I think about the way your laugh
Would bounce off the walls,
Hitting me right in the chest

Most days I sit up to walk to you
Forgetting that that is no longer possible
You are gone
And I did not have enough power
To make you stay
My fingers will never forget you
And my lips shall always say your name
I will always think of you
Most days
Dec 2017 · 63
Promises
Willow Dec 2017
holding on to nothing but empty words
the more i try to grasp them
the harder i fall
until i’m lying here,
limbs everwhere
staring up at the clear blue sky
wondering if i fly,
will you only throw me back down?
May 2017 · 179
Hold on
Willow May 2017
I cannot hold my breath
For long
The minute my cheeks start to grow
My heart beats faster
And my blood rises
So forgive me but
I cannot talk to you
For long
Mar 2017 · 683
Random
Willow Mar 2017
Random she said
It's a random...
Collection of my heart

I turned to stare at her
If you looked
Really looked
You could see it

The hurt
The deep scars,
That ran the length of her hair
Her cracked lips,
That longed just to be loved
And those old beaten Convers,
Just like her heart

There was also beauty
In her piercing blue eyes
In all ways, she was a mess
A random
Beautiful mess
But this one didn't need to be cleaned up
Only loved
Feb 2017 · 189
Mars
Willow Feb 2017
Collectively
We brainstormed

The universe seemed like one giagantic
Possibility

We were the greatest minds
Working together
To create history...
To live on mars

We followed behind
Many
Gigantic footsteps

The voyage ahead
Seemed daunting
But not impossible

It wasn't getting there
that would be hard
It was living there
That was impossible
Jan 2017 · 391
Wosh
Willow Jan 2017
I stand and take it all in
The laughter filling the air
Family smiling and dancing
The whole atmosphere of the place,
Washes over me

It's one of those moments you wish would last forever
You try to make it stay,
Forever in your mind
So you'll never forget this feeling
But the reality catches up

The moment is stopped
And it's like the world has started again,
In the corner husband and wife whisper angrily
Family age old feuds take over,
And nobody stands a chance

And there is goes,
That wonderful moment,
That could have been from a movie

Whoosh
Reality's back
Nov 2016 · 505
Late
Willow Nov 2016
I started to try...
But latter regretted it
For my cheeks turned red
And my legs ran

Latter I tried,
To never
Try again

So now I slip
In a world gone blue
My nightmares come back
You renewed
Hahaha.... This makes zero sense, I'm not even sure what I'm trying to convey.
Nov 2016 · 609
Hallow
Willow Nov 2016
She's hallow
There's nothing left inside of her

Life has left her empty

All she's ever done is cared
And yet nobody cared
To love her back

So many emotions fill her up
Until that one night
She curled up
Amongst blankets
Holding her self
As she rained

Out poured everything
All her emotions
Gone
Swept in a storm

Now she's hallow
Practically a shell

Waiting to be filled again
Nov 2016 · 184
The play of the tiered soul
Willow Nov 2016
tiered
it creeps up
******* all life
till you are nothing
no energy left to carry on
vision becomes blurry
body relaxed
until the curtains are drawn
and you retire for the night
Nov 2016 · 119
Sweetheart
Willow Nov 2016
Noise
It surrounds me
buzzing
infuriating
unrecognizable to the ear

a radio signal
one can never tune to
I try the controls,
but the wires bellow catch my wrists
they twist,
and twist
into tiny knots that cover me

i'm trapped in a **** of my making
without a voice
no one helps me
they all see me
but no one speaks for me
then you called my *name
Sep 2016 · 1.0k
lying light
Willow Sep 2016
You convinced me that only lies flow from your lips
So I stayed my distance
Always hoping to run right back to you,
Once my bruises healed
But always knowing
Blood would also be at the surface of those cuts

You are nothing but a lampshade,
Protecting the hot light that burns inside of me
That would shine brighter if not for you

Believing your lies was expensive,
But no more than staying
And I pay the price each lonely morning
Sep 2016 · 264
words
Willow Sep 2016
Have the
Potential to change the world,
And freedom from those who take offense,
By unfurling bindings bringing release
They are to connect deeply to understand ones another
Or mercilessly force down ones throat without sorrow
Sep 2016 · 181
why
Willow Sep 2016
why
I told my self

if he asked I would say yes

That I would finally find bliss


It took months of praying

And a crowbar to open my mouth to say,

But I loved him


So WHY

WHY didn't I try

WHY did I deny,

My feelings

WHY couldn’t I spread my wings,

And say yes


My brain froze

All previous planning was bulldozed

In that moment

I witnessed two worlds crashing

Leaving my lungs gasping


I loved him

Not enough for my mouth to start flapping

to make my brain stop thinking


I love him

So why isn't it enough
Sep 2016 · 658
peace
Willow Sep 2016
Peace,
peace of mind..
strength and spirit

A sense of calm,
that comes with knowing...
your place

Its been a long time coming
filled with sadness...
struggling for breath
and words expressed to escape

But it was never thoughts,
only actions needed to escape..
myself

maybe you will think me ignorant
but i know myself
no more tearing about my mind
no more analyzing,
just acceptance
and peace

but you know what they say,
the eye of the storm is always the calm...
and then reality hits
Aug 2016 · 354
Circle of Thoughts
Willow Aug 2016
It starts with you,
an exciting adventure
but oh! how wrong was I
delusional,
set in the idea that I am one for affection
it makes me sick how much you care

but maybe it is not I who is delusional,
but you?
you who don't even know me,
for I am but a shell of my true identity

Identity, what is mine?
who am I?
I contemplate these thoughts every night
crying because I don't have a key,
to escape this small confided box of my thoughts
trapped by my fears, smothered by your care
I want out I want to escape,
but how?
where do the answers hide?
who am I?

It started with you,
an excited adventure
and the circle of thoughts,
in the box that confines me goes on
Is it just me or did I unintentionally make this text look like a circle?
Aug 2016 · 156
Mask
Willow Aug 2016
Each morning I put on the mask:
                                                          ­ of perfection
beauty
                                      kindness
­                                                                 ­                                humor


Everything I wish I was
With another crowd I take it off,
And put another on;
                                                             ­    of braveness
sarcasm
                                 stealth
                                                         ­                                       ambition


In a way the masks protect me from harm,
I just fit in
Am like everyone else
Invisible
My identity lost

WHO AM I REALLY?
For I no longer know
I never take the mask off for long
Scared of whats underneath,
Scared to be me
Inspired from the short film "identity" it really made me think
Aug 2016 · 1.1k
Ocean love
Willow Aug 2016
The view revels an ocean,
Dancing below
Sparkling water turns into towering waves
The sight is breathtaking
The cool waters welcome you in

But once you go under,
Become relaxed
Waves get bigger
Threating to pull you under
Tide becomes stronger
Dragging you where you don't want to go
The fight begins,
Ending only when you leave...

I view a handsome boy
Laughing below
His eyes meet mine creating butterflies
He so looks lovely
His arms welcome me


But once you get in
Fall in love
Aug 2016 · 152
You
Willow Aug 2016
You
I don't know whether to hate you or love you
Somehow you've filled my dark empty space with light

Every time I think of you I smile
Letting the warm tingling filling feel me up

you occupy ever corner of my mind
Day and night I dream of being near you

Why can't I live my life in peace?
Why won't you let me?

I liked life when I had no care
When things were easy
But now I care to much about you
And you about me
Jul 2016 · 176
Butterfly
Willow Jul 2016
butterflies dance,
all around
soaring in perfect circles

they never leave,
your side
always coming back when you think them gone

you can feel their tiny wings,
beating inside
making you want to turn back home

oh how can something so small,
make you so nervous
make your stomach clench in fear

little butterflies,
know the secret
nerves can make you feel something more

so what does it mean when their not there
Jul 2016 · 117
Untitled
Willow Jul 2016
Everyone's looking for that one thing in life,
Love,
Passion,
Wealth,
Power,

We spend our days,
Occupied,
By that one value
Constantly searching for it
So we can feel completely
Complete

We look,
For the secret
To happiness,
Fulfillment
No frontier left unturned

We all look,
For the one thing,
That makes us feel worth something
Yet we never think to look,
In the mirror
Jul 2016 · 141
Sigh
Willow Jul 2016
Breath in
Worries out

Dropping of shoulders
Dropping thoughts

I escaped this place
Only to be brought back

You appear each day
Like an occurring nightmare

I must be going mad
Maybe insane?

I want to scream
To smash and break lose

I will clench my fists
And bide my time

For now I will shut it in
And smile

Pretending everything inside
Is all in my imagination

I will SIGH
Sorry I haven't been active in a while. I just got back from my trip in South Africa.
Jul 2016 · 204
sigh
Willow Jul 2016
Breath in
Worries out

Dropping of shoulders
Dropping thoughts

I escaped this place
Only to be brought back

You appear each day
Like an occurring nightmare

I must be going mad
Maybe insane?

I want to scream
To smash and break lose

I will clench my fists
And bide my time

For now I will shut it in
And smile

Pretending everything inside
Is all in my imagination

I will SIGH
sorry I haven't been active in a while. I just got back from my trip in South Africa.
May 2016 · 641
Maybe
Willow May 2016
Maybe it's my dropping eyes,
Tiered from all they've seen
Or my aching legs,
Sore from all the places they've explored

Maybe it's just the fact that I have a smile
And it's no longer a imposter on my face
Like I'm meant to be happy,
Meant to have enjoyed the day

For the first time in a while,
I have lived my day
I didn't sit there writting about others,
Instead I was the center of my story

For the first time in a while,
Im not ready for bed,
Because I want to be done with the day
Instead I'm ready,
Because I've had a fulfilling day,
And I'm ready for another
For a long time I didn't think I was meant to be happy; to have a day where I felt at peace with the world. But after today I've realized that maybe I am meant to lead a good life, to go to bed happy. These are the days you realize anything is possible.
May 2016 · 604
happy
Willow May 2016
I used to be filled with rage
Than sorrow
Finally remorse
But now I’m happy
I’m happy for you
You’re moving on
And for a while I wasn’t
Keeping a hold on you
Not wanting to give up hope

Something happened
Don’t ask me what
But I’ve learned
I’ve learned that you gave me,
Something great
Countless memories
To keep in my pocket
Taking them out on a rainy day

I don’t hate you
I still love you
Just not in the burning way

I’m happy for you
For her
And I’m happy for me
You will always be a part of me
A part of my poems
But I will not think of you in sorrow
It’s time to write happily
sorry for this bad writing, but I've need to write a poem about how I'm no longer going to write about him, about the things I hate. I want to write about the beautiful things in my life, and felt that I need a transition poem.
May 2016 · 136
Untitled
Willow May 2016
the blank page taunts me
my fingers can not find the right letters
my brain doesn't form any more beautiful words

there is nothing left,
no happiness
nothing beautiful to write about
not even sadness

without you I can not do anything
without you I seem to no longer write
you seem to have been my identity
my feelings
May 2016 · 1.6k
Let go
Willow May 2016
Let go
what does that truly mean?
are we to fall to our deaths
or go on with our lives

how does one truly,
let go
are you to forget everything
or simple pretend you no longer care

let go
two words
so simple
but the action is so hard
What's better to let go with the chance of losing everything, or to hold on even when it hurts you more?
Apr 2016 · 250
snap
Willow Apr 2016
If you keep this up
pushing me
yelling
treating me like i'm dumb

if you keep on pushing me
i will snap
hitting you
in your self righteous face

the more that you test me
the more anger i will hold
and i don't think your ready
for it to explode
Sorry for this weird poem. I need to get out my anger. I'm trying to write about when some keeps on teasing you, seeing your limits. I'm trying to write how anger i feel, and i think i will snap really hard, soon.
Apr 2016 · 199
not the same
Willow Apr 2016
when he sat down silence followed
what was there to say,
we hadn't talked in a month
so much had happened
so much couldn't be taken back
i missed him
but not enough to let go of my anger

I hadn't fought for us
letting him hate me without a word
no explanation
what does that mean?
was there nothing worth fighting for
when he opened his mouth
my heart melted
my anger, and regret disappeared

I'm sorry, for everything, i didn't mean what i said

can i trust him to hold my heart again
maybe i don't have to tell him how i feel
he could hurt me
he had made me feel messed up
worthless
he didn't even let me explain
letting me suffer
a discarded toy

but I miss him
and I can't stop thinking of him
can he truly care again?
can i care again?

*I forgive you
Apr 2016 · 366
to late
Willow Apr 2016
all was lost
my world
love
spirit

you thought you could come
                                               make
                                                             it
                                                              ­  better
                                                        ­don't
                                                  you
     ­                                       see
                      ­            now
                          i'm
               gone

                         you got here to late
there is nothing to save
Mar 2016 · 214
ghost love
Willow Mar 2016
I cant stop thinking of you
in everything i do
your face reflects
your body moves

i want to grasp you
hold onto to something real
instead i get wisps
of a ghost

you occupy my dreams
my eyes belong to you

yet i do not know you well
your only a day dream

give me something to hold onto
something i think about as i dream

i wish you were mine
and not hers
Mar 2016 · 258
dust
Willow Mar 2016
He once looked at me like I was his world
No action by me was ever wrong
Now that she has shown him the universe
I am only a twinkling star in the night

I never truly loved him
No wait that’s not true
I loved him but not in the way he wanted
Why does it hurt so much to know that I've lost his love
To be discarded like I mean nothing

Didn't I at one time mean something?
Wasn't i his everything
Within days of talking to her,
we are dust
I hope that the universes you find together last longer
For ours is a black hole
Filled only with lionesses and confusion
How could someone destroy his world so mercilessly?

— The End —