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i lay here hollow
for you to fill the spaces between my temperaments
im so sorry i have enough anguish for the both of us
and that it may feel you can’t stand the burden of your own around me
But the lovely things between each switch
bring me unimaginable hope
That one day you can feel the same
i will repent every misery laid onto you
because im undeserving of your heart
im undeserving of your embrace
feelings i fight that say I’m undeserving of your grace
may one day i can awake
feeling that I deserve you as my only faith
mark soltero Nov 10
im starting to realize
i don’t eat
im afraid to chew
scared to gain more than an ounce
i thought this fear died
when the hate did
but when you’re gone
i don’t want to fight these pangs
giving in to their tiresome lull
maybe one day i can be as small as i feel
but that’s not the truth
i just want to feel like a man
longed for and strong
instilling fear in those who challenge me
until then i might eat
even more so in hopes that maybe
i can tear open my insides
to become beautiful on the outside
TRIGGER WARNING PLS DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT THINK THAT HAVING AN ED IS GLAMOROUS I AM IN RECOVERY FOR OVER A YEAR AND DO NOT SUPPORT OR ENCOURAGE ANYONE TO HAVE OR PRACTICE HAVING DISORDERED EATING
mark soltero Nov 10
i  am not a man
***** made at best with a lack of quality control
i cry shamefully
waiting for the day
to find that my heart has officially grown cold
like all the good boys
that receive their praise
what id give not to ask
but to only receive
just for one moment
i want to feel
what it feels like to be treated like necessity
and not a burden
i long for everything that will never be mine
mark soltero Nov 10
i can’t help but think of how i will never live up
to any and every expectation
of others
and of my own

i wish i could live confidently
living without caution
bursting at my seams with power

but i am weak
i can’t be what you or i want me to be
that doesn’t really seem possible
with all that i lack

the silent whisper of confirmation
that this body is undesirable
my smile is vile
what i lack is all i  have

they say make with do
but i rather throw a penny away
than hope i can save it for later
because that’s sadly how i am
wired to immolate
mark soltero Oct 31
stand tall
brace
don’t let them see you ******* cry
it’s weak
just look in the mirror and love it
lie even
just change every ******* thing
pain is a gift you return
everyone is deserving of demise
do not pretend
live as new
anything but the raw affliction can show
put away all your sorrows
nobody gives a ****
now look everyone loves you
stand tall
*** I’m in therapy so like don’t think I’m off the ***** pls
mark soltero Oct 27
technology is a saving grace
but their synth
is a siren in disguise
calculated syncopations
create chemical induced inebriation
beware of their trance
cause keeping track of time
is lost inside of euphoria
the emptiness of dread you have
will only grow until you are void
mark soltero Oct 26
sometimes i feel like a waste
a waste of space
a waste of time
a waste of breath
a waste of my own mind
a waste of any and all kinds
it feels hopeless to try
to reprogram
if it’s already so hard
to live without letting out further cries
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