zoie marie lynn

zoie marie lynn Feb 2019

i. you are broken bones and candy too sweet, you weren’t made for goodnight kisses and long walks on the beach
you weren’t made for me.
ii. when my lungs stop bleeding and my skin stops ripping i will give you up. i will power wash you out of my veins because you will never
ever, have control over me again.
iii. if forever is the word that has kept me stuck to your ground than heartbroken will be the only word that could free me, because if i sit here falling any longer
there will be nothing left of me.
iv. i'm not pixie dust and you're not princess charming, i am able to live life without your constant explosion
and you will survive without being the reason i'm dying.
v. i am repeating phrases repeating phrases repeating phrases because your lack of change is slowly getting to me
slowly drowning me in your coffee, bitter, black, and
i'm never coming back up.
(you're probably okay with that)
vi. i tell you i love you and the sky comes undone
and when i say ¨it's falling¨
you say ¨so don't look up¨
vii. maybe if your last name and my first name made some type of sense, we wouldn't be sitting here watching it all end
the bed is in flames and we're going insane
because love is only chemicals and lies and we know nothing will change.
viii. you feel nothing and i feel everything and so i tell you
¨i hear wedding bells¨ because, don't you?
and you say ¨cover your ears, my love, they're lying to you¨
viiii. never have i ever fallen for someone bathed in bleach
never will i ever love someone incapable of loving me.
x. this is the end and you're not my friend and the moon is dying and children are crying and you're leaving me behind and i'm letting you go
is this what it feels like to be alone?

you are allowed to be both a work in progress and a masterpiece

#poem #love #hate #trust #lies #her #you #broken #alone #sky

zoie marie lynn Feb 2019

numb

i don't have the strength in me
to convince you to stay
so if you really want to go, go
i don't care either way.

accept that your heart will break and trust that you will survive

zoie marie lynn Nov 2018

falling for bad habits and even badder girls

stuck on nights that lead to coffee and headaches and maybe even nose bleeds
stuck on nights that lead to heartbreak and clothes on the floor and hands that shake and scream
stuck on nights that lead me to you.
i once fell in love so hard i broke every bone in my body
but that was nothing compared to the years i spent drinking about you.
rough edges, smooth bodies
sweet skin, tongue a bit too naughty
broken fingers, dead eyes
small hearts, big and ugly lies
if you hold me any closer i might fall again tonight.
you are my queen
queen of you mean the most to me
queen of butterflies and i can't breathe
queen of
"baby, it's not you, it's me."
but you keep coming back again.
stuck on relationships i can't let go and people that hurt me because they "love me the most"
stuck on stone skin that leads to stone walls and i love yous that turn into i hate you all
stuck on you.
i once caught a disease thinking you'd be right for me
and that killed me entirely.
i never met someone that made me puke out my guts
until i discovered not all sweet kisses are healthy or are even made of love
bones coated in sugar, thoughts that scream "don't keep her"
and i think you might be good for me.
if i smiled any wider, my cheeks would bleed
and if you hit me any harder, i think i might get weak in more than just my knees.
you are not the one
for me, and good god, you have no idea how badly i want you to be
you are not made to be loved
by me, and i swear on everything i tried to change these things
but our lungs just don't breathe well together.
stuck on girls that lead to mothers and friends that lead to lovers
stuck on suns that lead to stars and touches that lead to broken hearts
stuck on memories that lead me to you.
i've decided to break all my bad habits
no more biting my nails
no more picking my wounds
no more me falling in love with you
no more you, period.
you are my queen
queen of moving on
queen of doing everything but staying gone
queen of
"i love you, but i feel like you're leading me on"
and i think this is why we make goodbye's
i think this is why my mother cried and prayed to god i never fall in love.

i am made of nothing but memories

#love #pain #memories #heartbreak #her #him #you #bad #break #broken

zoie marie lynn Sep 2018

really wanna know

what do you see when you look at me with eyes full of love and mouth full of disgust and skin full of distrust
what do you see?
i want to drown in every goodbadhurtfulsweet
thought you’ve ever had of me
i’ve been told that my skin in the perfect color
“i’ve never seen eyes that shade of brown”
“such pretty girls shouldn’t frown”
is that really all you like?

i’m not here for you
i’m not even really here for me
and i’m trying to heal from monsters you don’t know about
demons you can’t see
hiding behind giggles and the smiles you plaster onto me
this is what i’m supposed to be like
petite waist
luscious thighs
this is what people like you like

i don’t want to be me anymore
there’s this thing called hypervigilance
the persistent feeling of being under threat
and i’m drowning
i’m drowning in my skin and my lungs want to breathe but
they don’t deserve to
it feels like there’s stone hands wrapped around my throat
my hands, your hands, the first boy i ever loved has his hands
even tighter
this pain is everlasting
i want to let go

i suppose i should thank you now
the person looking back at me
disgustingly brown eyes
deceiving lips
“i’m broken”
i scream it to myself
“broken”
louder
“broke”
i say it until i bleed from anger
“ok”
these words are all the same
rhymes no different from the last
but this is me now
this is me when my bones are made of glass

i feel like i could break if you slapped me any harder
but these are my hands getting *****
my hands that can’t stop turning skin colors
that it was never meant to be
i’m a canvas but my body doesn’t agree with me
what do you see?
am i an hourglass
am i perfect yet
am i everything you need
everything i need
what do you see when you look at me?

do you still love me? i am dying to know

#love #pain #loss #broken #her #him #you #me

zoie marie lynn Aug 2018

listen, please,

i can't breathe

you're touching me under the stars with hands that venture too far while the moon smiles at us showing every row of pointy perfect teeth
you're touching me and

i can't breathe

you're holding me in a way too tight hold and way too strong arms wrapped around a place i'm supposed to call home with termites eating away underneath
you're holding me and

i can't breathe

you're kissing me with lips of nicotine and breath like fire embers and words of forever and tongue that's sloppy and serene
you're kissing me and

i can't breathe

you're following me in between buildings that shouldn't be this close together and its another dead end another dead end another dead end, why does the sidewalk get to leave?
you're following me and

i can't breathe

you're whispering to me because this is what lovers do, you scream this is what lovers do but i don't want to love you and my lungs ache for you to let me be
you're whispering to me and

i can't breathe

you're laying next to me snoring very loudly so that the neighbors can't hear the sheets suffocate me and i'm dying i'm crying i'm dying
you're laying next to me and

i can't breathe

you’re saying you love me and you’re pulling me so tightly into that lovely body built from forever's and never’s and i’m screaming in your perfect little ears over and over because didn’t you hear me?

i said i can’t breathe

i don't love you but my mouth says it anyway

#pain #love #lust #abuse #moon #you #her #him #kiss #deadly

zoie marie lynn Aug 2018

before i fall for you

i’ve never fallen in love before
but i’m telling you
if i did,
my bones would screech and creak and crack to build you a home that doesn’t fight back
and
i would shower you with love until you drowned because i don’t know how to love unless it becomes too much someway or somehow
and
you would become all that i breathe and need and see and the very sound of your name would be enough to cause another relapse
because i’ll get addicted too soon and too fast and you’ll think it’s great
at first
until i’m publicly on my knees aching for your velvet kisses back
and
i've never cared for someone this way before
but i'm telling you
if i did,
my lungs would collapse and inflate again and again because you will be the only thing i'll ever breathe in
and
the people in my life would never amount to you, and maybe that's a little messed up but i wrote it
felt it
bled it, so it must be true
because i don't know how to let someone in unless i push every other person out and you'll love my attention
at first
until
you're throwing glass plates at my following figure
until
you're yelling regrets and things i should've considered
until
you hate me
because you don't want to be the only one
even if i want you to be.
i’ve danced with the devil because he has the prettiest eyes i’ve ever seen in my life
but i didn’t love him
i’ve kissed the hands of god because he smells like my childhood home and i liked that a lot
but i didn’t love him
i’ve cut open my skin for my first girlfriend because she promised to stay and that drove me insane
but i didn’t love her
and i’m telling you
if i did
i would write a poem convincing her that i didn’t
because i’ve never loved in a way that doesn’t became some form of a burden.
and i don’t love you
yet
but i am going to scrub my words into your naked body and i am going to promise that there’s nobody
but you
and you are going to love every second of it
because you’ve given in to destruction and seduction and you already understand everything about pain
you already know there’s everything to lose and i’m the only thing you’d gain
but that’s okay
because you’ve never fallen in love before.

i've been beaten and bruised but nothing hurts more than you

#hurt #pain #love #lost #praise #her #him #you #home

zoie marie lynn Aug 2018

master plans & ink on skin

i hope no one can see the taste of your tongue on my lips
drenched in my skin
admitting where i've been
i hope no one notices your perfume that i wave like a white flag
"its complicated," i tell them
because i cannot fall for you again.
but i want to,
god i want to,
i want to showcase each tattoo you've left on my heart
no matter how big
no matter how small
but your galaxies are not mine to get lost in
your promises not mine to believe in
your words not mine to soak in
but i want them to be.
i hope no one can smell the ink that coats my body after spending short moments in alleys
doing things that lovers are supposed to do
even though i am not the arms you're falling asleep to
i hope no one can hear my heart race as i realize
this is not your first time breaking me this way
nor your last
and i know i should pull away
and i know i shouldn't melt this way
and i know that before falling for you, there's probably things i should do
to prevent the outcome, you know
but i don't
i dig my hands into your hair
into your skin
my lips into your lips
and i die and cry and die
i know this is suicide
so what's my master plan?
hoping no one can sense me falling for you again.

you never realize how much you love someone until you watch them love someone else.

#love #pain #secret #secrets #ink #plan #her #him #you #me