Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
 May 2017 Jasmin Thomas
J
loneliness consumed you
while you were busy finding distractions
your eyes sunk deeper, your nights darker
you found a marker and wrote it out in black ink, you left half a cup of tea by the sink,
one final reminder that you could never clean up right, your scars were not quite healing
men came and went like hopscotch manic feelings, daily warfare, gentle as a tide though
you would let them in just to let them go
crafted a plan to **** yourself
because you didn't know anything else
but the bottom of a bottle you swore you didn't drink you spent 11 months sleeping on the brink of death
loneliness consumed you
you took the bad parts, shaped them into something you could swallow and fell in love with the high from your insides eating you alive now you're full of sculptures you gave up on years ago and maps of places, far away, where you'll never get to go
because you're bed ridden and tired, you're only 20 and you did it, you have carved yourself entirely empty
If you're a pencil,
then I'm the paper,
We're perfect together,
but not forever.

Lean on me,
tell me your deepest lies.
Show me your true self,
what's under that disguise.

Spill your secrets,
Color me grey
Tear off my edges,
Mean what you want to say.

Fill me up
With your darkest thoughts.
Leave me stranded,
Alone in your room.
Let me down
With your fancy words,
And leave me to my doom.

I'll shrivel up over the ages.
With your secrets locked inside.
But you'll forget me and move on,
For the world I have died.

Because I existed
only for you
for your smiles
and the pictures you drew.
But I guess I was stupid
you never even knew
how much
I truly...
Loved You...
And now I'm just a forgotten broken sheet of endless memories with no purpose...
 Jan 2017 Jasmin Thomas
sura
Your shoes,
I saw them lying neatly
Side by side upon the bridge.
Laces untied; socks in a crumpled bundle inside
As if you had just stepped out of them,
As if you had just left them on somebody else's doorstep.

Gingerly, I picked them up.
In the air I let my questions hang.
At what point in your life
Did these blood-red sneakers turn almost white?
Since when did its crisp signature logo
Turn into an unreadable smudge?

Worn out and faded,
Tattered and almost unrecognizable,
I barely knew the thing I was holding in my hands…

Perhaps you were too busy running
To even notice its deteriorating condition?
Never mind the cracks on the surface,
The thinning soles already caked in mud,
As long as they take you away from the darkness
Which seems to follow you everywhere.

For the last time, these shoes have served you.
Brought you in this unlikely place, on this very bridge.
Where you left them lying neatly side by side
As you took the way out, barefoot.

Hoping someone would step into them,
Feel for answers with their own toes.
And finally understand that
There were no haunting shadows in your pursuit

Because all this time

The darkness has always been inside you.
I would draw a curve like those
Of a fishing boat, its bottom,
Or the body of the moon sometimes
     In its perfect time
          And begin to dream.

And google things like,
"a small depression in the flesh,
Either one that exists permanently
Or one that forms in the cheeks
When one smiles",
     And then write poetry,
          Subpar to the actual thing.

You don't know the magic that you are.

Through your smile,
I learned to cheat all death, all life,
All me, all being, all being,
     All what-ifs and trying-to-be-s.
Through your smile, I knew,
     That God is good, has been
          And always will be.

Through you, I knew,
     I have always been happy.*

© 2017 J.S.P.
Revised.
 Apr 2016 Jasmin Thomas
Torin
I crawled into bed with death last night
I let her dark fingers wander my naked flesh
She whispered in my ear as she held my bones
                                                           ­              I let her have me
I touched her lower back last night
I let death climb on top of me and cry in pleasure
She moaned aloud and said my name with love
                                                            ­            I let her have me
I reveled in her cold embrace last night
I let her fall asleep heavy in my arms and my dreams
She became my tomb, my grave, my other side
                                                            ­            I let her have me
                                                              ­          All of me
She took my breath away
I rode her into the abyss
 Apr 2016 Jasmin Thomas
ryn
Popcorn
 Apr 2016 Jasmin Thomas
ryn
Right now, my mind...
Is the proverbial popcorn machine.

Every little thing that bothers me is
likened to a kernel.
And to make popcorn, you need lots...
Bucketloads of kernels.

Dump them all in the machine.
Let them whirl.
They sit layered on top of each other
undisturbed,
on the hot bed until...
The spindly metal arms begin to rotate...
Whose sole purpose is to agitate.

Buttered with debilitating insecurities.
Sprinkled with irrational fears.
Heated with erratic temperament.

And here come the arms again.
Rotating,
churning,
inciting.

No one knows when the kernels
are going to cave and rupture.

Then...
"Pop!" would go one.
Then another...
And another...
Soon they would all start to explode.
When that happens,
I do too.

••••••••••••••••••••••
Addendum
•••••••••••••••••••••­•

I love popcorn.
And I don't like to share.
How I arrived there
I'm not quite sure
through a rabbit hole
or through a door
was it a fraction of a second
or a thousand tears
a world that lives
within my fears?
what I saw with my mind's eye
were shades of me
against the sky
I traveled still through
realms of blue
I touched a dream I had of you

in a life that awaits
our souls would remain
together as lovers
we danced in the rain
I felt a hope I had never known
I saw a light that had never shone
and all the doubt and fear within
had vanished in the very thin
breath
before my death
"You're tired, aren't you?"*

Not in the way that you think.
Yeah I'm tired. Tired of loving the wrong people and getting hurt.
Next page