see ive met THE person
ive known him my whole life
i’ve known it was gonna be him since we were 5
we’re 16 now
and he has a gorgeous girlfriend
of almost a year
i catch him staring often tho
with a look in his eyes
the look tells me that he knows it too
that he knows we’re meant to be
it might explain why he acts like he hates me
but i know he doesn’t
how could he?
especially after all the stolen moments we’ve had
i know he remembers them

it’s been a whole year
how can this be?
it feels like yesterday when she was telling me about the date you took her on

you were taken to soon
but you accomplished so much so young
you are still giving us words of wisdom
without speaking words at all

you paint the sky beautiful on all of your special days
the happy ones and the one where you were taken away

people still cry for you
but they are slowly turning to tears of happiness
happiness for the memories
and the impact you made
and knowing that we will see you again

but until then we’ll talk about the memories
all the goofy things you do and say

it’s been a whole year
how can this be?
i swear i can feel you right next to me

i saw him today
he was wearing grey
he never wears grey
he wears blues and reds
purple and beige
but never grey
why was he wearing grey?
i don’t know why it bothers me
or why everything he does still effects me
even though he left me
i’m angry that he’s changed
cuz im still the same
and i hate me that way
and why does he get to be happy after everything he did to me?
because i’m still crying about that random friday 8 months ago
i wish i could hate him
despise him
forget him
but he’s everywhere
he’s in the words posted on my wall
in the tears that i wipe from my face in the stall
he’s in my clothes, in my bed, in my head
and in the sky with every sunset
people say he misses me
but if that’s so true why did he move on so easily?
cuz he’s dating my friend

well we’re not friends
not anymore
that girl
i trusted
i confided in
yet she went in found him
said i lied to him
and then said she loved him
she made him leave me
resent me
hate me
yet i’m kind to her
i include her and welcome her
heck i even sit with her when no one else will because they hate what she did to me
but still she talks about me to him
blinds him from the truth
she’s saying i hate him when that will never be true
i miss him
i love him, not romantically but unconditionally
and i really wish he knew it too
but, yeah, i saw him today
he was wearing grey

in a way
i’m an experiment
a surgical project
i teach the broken boys how to love

they practice on me
they learn to say the right things
to do the right things
and to avoid the wrong things
and how to not say something stupid

the problem is tho
how am i supposed to know
when a boy wants me
and not a lesson
will i even know how to handle it?
or will i freak and leave
how will i know if its real
and not an experiment

it’s getting to the point to where i need a lesson
not on how to love
but how to be truly loved
because i don’t know what that feels like
for the only thing on a guys mind to be me
and not because they want something
but because they want to give me everything

because everytime
he takes what he needs
learns what he wanted to know
and treats the next girl how i would treat him,
perfectly

i wonder if that’s why im here
to teach boys how to love the broken girls
if i’m just supposed to help fix girls ill never even know

i’m trying to come to peace with it
but i’m a broken girl too
i want for a boy to actually fix me
not pretend too

someone will love me
just as i am
every freckle and scar
he’ll see them as planned

the house is on fire
it catches the leaves
drive by and ignore it
it spreads with the breeze

this house always burns
it will never cease
if you listen closely
you can hear the screams

the screams from years ago
the agony and pain
back before she knew
she had to keep it contained

this burning house is different
it comes with a funny catch
you can not see its flames
they never physically catch

the fire is within the home
if you can even call it that
the arguments and yelling
fuel like gasoline

only now she burns herself
to contain her screams

people say i scare them
and i wonder why
they tell me it’s not like a horror movie
or jump scare
more of a
“is she okay?”
kinda scare

they say it’s scary
how i can speak of my darkest days
while putting makeup on my face
and not even thinking twice

and it’s scary
how i don’t care what anyone thinks
but i care about everyone around me

and it’s scary
how i’m the helper
but apparently i need the most

and it’s scary
how i stare off into space
and disassociate from all the pain
but can so swiftly throw a smile on my face

and it’s scary
how i can be the funniest one in the room
but i won’t laugh the whole night

and it’s scary
that apparently im pretty
and any guy should want me
yet i’m single
and always have been

and it’s scary
how i can sit and talk
with the one that stole my innocence
but hold and conceal all my anger within

i don’t see what’s so scary
i’ve always been like this
this is completely normal
i’m not scared
totally