Dark outside with a lamp above.
Moths bouncing against the screen.
Last of summer pushed with a gentle chill.
Lean against the kitchen sink
in front of the window
Smelling the heavy musk of fall death and
the smoke of the fire pit outside.
Clearing up the supper plates.
Sipping at a deep brown whiskey
chilled by cube of ice.
Listening to the mellow Rock of eighties.
Washing dinner dishes not a chore
But a religion of reflection.

My mother rises on the pedestal
From the deep blue of the pool
With lipstick and perfect hair.
She is Esther Williams.
I flounder in life.
Looking for perfect.
Being just normal.
I am Rhoda - some style
Some wit, but no Esther.
Esther never understood
Rhoda's laugh at her flaws
Her sense of humor at her expense.
Esther wanted beauty and love.
Rhoda wanted beauty and love,
but knew it was a dream just like
rising from the pool with perfect hair.
You have to make believe those things.

The mist on the face;
Morning bright is hidden;
Fresh salty breeze covers the day;
Thoughts fog the morning walk.
Deep breath to move forward
away from anxious nags of
yesterday's problems.
Tumbling down the path of
lists to do.
Considering life's blessings
and gentle meditation.
Walking forward and counting steps.
Loudly silent.

Not feeling my age.
Outside air is crisp with challenge.
Crows feet are forgotten.
Listening to the sounds of night.
In the dim can still pass.
Sipping the rich purple
in my glass by the fire.
My ankle is still slim in my boot.
My sweater is wrapped around.
The firelight glows.
No place for my feeling to go.
Just sitting enjoying the spell.
Remembering what should have been.
Wishing not so much waste.
Head leaned forward.
Fall is beautiful - if not lonely now.

Scrape on the ground.
Held up as glides in the room.
Tossed behind in reckless play.
Torn with careless wear.
Seems to be a test of character.
Just the right length - debonair.
Too long - never give a care.
Carried by maid of honor.
Pulled by heel.
Pushed in passion.
Shortened for youth.
Lengthened for age.
Hidden at death.

Felt so pure, only you and I.
Fun together in all we did.
Memories are as fresh as the day lived;
Songs bring back with renewed luster
all sensations felt;
My thoughts often go back to our times.
Deep love, deep anger
Left unforgiven and unforgotten.

Asked just a question.
Now you know my soul.
It seemed so simple.
All given way.
Saw that look.
You knew you had me.
Defiance rose and fell away.
My time to turn.
So very done.
Deep breathe catching the close sob.
The reach for me unanswered.
Regret for sharing.
Loss of self.