Happy Birthday Dear Friend,

What a year it truely has been,
Time moves differently when you are no where to be seen.

Things no longer feel the way it used to feel,
I guess the 365 days have allowed me to heal.

I see your movements, your growth, your persistance,
Just know that I am proud of you, and because of that there must be some distance.

I feel no animosity, no anger, no pain,
As you enter into another year, I hope for many more gains.

It feels like you have gone,
It feels like you have withdrawn.

It feels like you have healed,
It feels like I have healed,

I pray for long life and prosperity,
I pray for peace, joy and love,
I pray for growth and happiness.

I pray for you at the dusk of dawn,
Always and Forever Dear Friend

Rejection, it is painful!

I lauch myself at the idea of hope,
I throw myself into the notion of happiness,
I jump head first into something that could be,

Each and every time all I recieve is REJECTION

The steady reminder that I am not wanted,
The sharp feeling of not being choosen,
The constant pain of being unworthy,

Unworthy of being loved, of being the person that is picked
Being someone that is seen as being desirable, wanting to jump head first with me into something that could be,

But rejection, the reminder that what could be is indeed nothing more than a mere fleeting feeling.

You enter my threshold,
We conversate,
A moment of connection, a moment of the yesterday days,
The moment passes as you pull your gaze away from mine.

We ****,
Not make love, not having ***,
Simply **** !

All I wanted was intimacy,
To be held and loved,

All I got was detachment
Aloof and distance

Disappointment clinging to the straps of my bra as I pull them on
Shame stained on my knicker as they slide back up

Heavy is my heart
Desperate is my soul
Deflated is my spirit

You leave, and take a part of me once more

I’ve been trying, trying, trying trying,
I’ve been crying, crying, crying, crying,
Nothing more to say, nothing left to give

As you stare out into the Midnight sky,
What do you see?
I’ve been flying, flying, flying, flying
Flying high on life, high on energy, high enough to say bye

I’ve been falling!

Why can’t I find love?
I see it all around me, people falling in love,
I just want to be loved and show love back
Why is it so difficult?

Is there something wrong with me?,
Am I doomed to never find love?

Days, Nights, Weeks, Months
Knowing what could have been, what should be mine.
Yet feeling what has been lost, all those wasted time.
Is this true existence, That I question
Is this true existence, missing your affection

Days, Night, Weeks, Months
Into the abyss, these feeling I must dismiss

Days, Nights, Weeks, Months
Into the abyss, for my own bliss

I gave you everything !!
I gave you my heart, I gave you my mind
I bared my soul to you, and yet it wasn't enough

I gave you my virginity, I gave you my love
I gave you the best parts of me
I gave you the worst parts of me,

Heck I gave you the ugly, dark, deep part of me.
The part that I lock up and keep buried, the part that I did not share with family or friends, the part that I do not acknowledge as being me. That I gave to you

I gave you my body, I gave you my life.
I gave till the tank was dry and I was running on fumes, caffeine and delusions

I stood in front of you naked and bare,
stripped of my clothes, my pride, my humour, even the wall that I had built to protect me was shattered.

My insecurity laid bare, my fear on show for everyone to see,
I gave you everything

So young, so naive, so full of love and hope

I gave you everything
Yet it wasn't enough

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
So what the f was you?

You was suppose to love me, yet you leave me
You was suppose to heal me, yet you defeat me
Stress upon stress, mess upon mess !!

How did we get to this point of abyss, this hidden place of darkness.
This point of despair, why did we not prepare

No longer lovers, no longer friends,
Two complete strangers, surrounded by a world of danger.
Eyes shut tight, ready to fight
Eyes shut tight, when will dawn turn to light?