fat thighs
dull eyes
the scale lies
numbers fly

i want to be beautiful,
so i buy it
from the pharmacy
so i find it
in the scams, and the falsities, and the
cheap bottles of elixir they sell
down at sixth street
in crimson red lipstick
in cosmetic packs
and eating snacks
late at night, when i've
starved my body
but i tell nobody
so they won't suspect the
vomiting;
omitting
the fact that i hadn't eaten in weeks.

i buy beauty
i feel beautiful
they tell me i am
beautiful,
so i guess
i am,
aren't i?

my insides fold into itself,
dry kindling and twigs
might snap
pour gasoline over me,
try cover me with leaves,
but i'll still burn myself
but i'll still exhaust myself
feeding warmth
for the both of us
and remember what happens
when skin gets too close
to an open flame