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Leah Carr Jul 2022
Did you know,
the deepest kind of burns
don't hurt
because they burn away the nerve endings
that allow you to feel it

Maybe that's why I can't
feel the pain
anymore
Leah Carr Jul 2022
Poetry is art
That's what they say
But mine isn't meant to be beautiful
Or picturesque
Far from it

Mine is to picture my pain
In a way normal words and phrases can't

It's to show the trauma
that I can't bear to hold
any longer

It's to express my love for all those people
I can't talk to anymore
And I will never talk to again

Mine isn't meant to be beautiful
Leah Carr Jul 2022
Last night I was there
Back where I dont want to be
That moment haunts me

I couldn't see you
Only hear your scary voice
Scary, masking fear

Why does it happen
Over and over again
When I dont want it

Today, yet again
The old pain will still remain
Why does it haunt me

You tried, I know that
It wasnt even your fault
Yet here we still stay

Trapped in memory
Reliving it, chained by it
I dont understand

Is this why I'm here?
To hold painful memories?
'Cause I dont want this

It has been one day
Just one day of memory
I still just want out
Written by a new alter in our system, regarding the trauma she remembers. Each verse is a haiku.
Leah Carr Jul 2022
I don't dare
I don't dare call you
Not because you told me not to
But because if I do
anger
The mask of my pain
Might rear its head

I don't dare
I don't dare call you
Not because I think it wouldn't help
But because if I do
You might turn on me
even
more

I don't dare
I don't dare call you
Not because I don't want to
But because if I do
we might break each other
all over
again

I don't dare
I don't dare call you
Not because I've got nothing to say
But because if I do
I don't know
what might come
out

I don't dare
I don't dare call you
Not because I'm scared
But because
I'm terrified
I guess I'll keep our meetings in my imagination...
Leah Carr Jul 2022
I don't know, it just seems so stupid to me.

I mean,
Chefs know how to cook.
Gardeners know how to garden.
Builders know how to build things.

So answer me this:

Why do most carers not have the first clue how to care?
Leah Carr Jul 2022
Dear those paid to care,
Why do you take pride in treating me like dirt
Yet do it so subtly, when we're alone together,
so that nobody else will believe me?

Dear those paid to care,
Why do you shun responsibility for everything you do?
I would like to see the best in you, and say that you don't realise,
But in reality, I think you just can't face the consequences

Dear those paid to care,
Why do you feed me bullsh-t every time we talk?
Is it in my "best interests", like the other abuse you inflict,
or do you enjoy the pain and frustration you put me through?

Dear those paid to care,
Why do you exploit the power you have?
Is it because you think nobody will be able to stop you?
because you're right

Dear those paid to care,
Why do you stick together like glue, to protect each other's backs
You must be able to see that what your colleagues are doing is wrong
Even if you refuse to see it in yourself

Dear those paid to care,
Why do you have the ability to verbally and physically abuse, and sexually harass me every day, but nobody will do anything to change it?

Dear those paid to care,
Why don't you?
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