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Kayls Jun 2020
A burden in your waters
I see you pity my wreck
I don’t need you to weep tears I’ve already shed.
And so the wheel turns, the cycle continues
Waiting for another pitiful sailor
Anchored where I am, afraid my boat may sail adrift into another sea.
Kayls Nov 2020
The tighter you would hold me in your arms
The harder it would be when you slipped away
Again.
The closer you got to me
The more I could sense you ready to retract and leave
Again.
The elements on our side
The mesmerising shades of led light
The brisk air as we stood on my doorstep past midnight
We knew we were the only ones up
Again.
I asked you to promise me
Not to leave this time
For a second that look in your eye reassured me
Pure and gentle
Bliss
But then again,
This is how it felt last time,
And the time before that.
Kayls Aug 2022
She’s finally catching on
“What did you have for breakfast?”
My dinner sitting in the fridge in cellophane.
And the dinner before that.
I’ll laugh it off
“I forgot”
My stomach shrinks at the thought.
Kayls Aug 2021
“Meet me by the shore as the world caves in”

i could only wish that i could share your last breaths of oxygen as the world caves in. a beach, I sat dead still. The sun rises, causing water to condensate on my cheek and salt to sit on my lips.
The pulse of sirens in the distance.
In the foreground, soldiers ripple into the tides, with rifles blazing. But without you I could only hear silence. The sounds of bodies sloshing on the sand.

someone emerged from among the remains of the crusading foundations.

It was the mirror image of you, only the feeling in the deepest pit of my stomach told me you were already dead. You looked more like a succubus, dripping in water, soaked with lust. Were you abandoned? killed by your familiars ? impaled on a spear, used as sacrifice? Did your image become part of the mast that came to bury you?
Kayls Sep 2022
When I’m around you I hear my heart beat through my shirt,
Begging to get closer to you,
Taunting you to rip it out.
I’d let you sink your fangs into my skin
And tear
The vein from my neck
Just to feel you breathe,
As you bare your teeth.
Kayls May 2020
Grass stains on your clothes
Bruises scattered from head to toe
the blood seeping out of your mouth onto the chapel ground is oddly reassuring
Let me watch you bleed
It is the only way I can tell you are still here
Still human
Kayls Nov 2020
Behind the bins
Of my childhood home
Lies my purity

In a bunk bed
In a house not far
Lies my innocence  

In this room
In this bed
Lies the shell of a girl I used to know
A girl I lost touch with
A girl, nonetheless.
Kayls Oct 2022
I won’t Forget about my lover
floating down the river
Drowned in the forest
Buried in its leaves
shaking and twitching
And soaked to the bone.
I’ll see your reflection in Muddy waters,
In Swamps and withering trees -
And the rays of sunshine
Escaping past branches
Over the water and under the bridge.
Lay Still perfectly preserved in an icy reverie
still
as Hauntingly beautiful
As the first time I drowned
in your autumnal eyes.
Kayls Nov 2020
Oh how beautiful you look
I could stay here for eternity
Your body a blanket
A fire for the winter
Keeping me warm.
Sometimes il remember what you’ve done to me.
How you tore away my independence.
But it’s getting cold
And I need your warmth.
Kayls Nov 2020
You’re something
In the dream I had of you we lay in an open field
I could see no restraints in the land
It ran further than the distance between us
I think that’s symbolic
Is my mind telling me there is no barrier?
Or are you nothing.
Kayls Jul 2020
If I’m not moving
I’m weeping
If I’m not busy
I’m thinking
My thoughts are bias
Corrupt
A story where I will always lose.
Kayls Jun 2020
I’m coughing up sunder from the wreck I barely made it out of
I’m bleeding from the wounds that I can’t seem to reach
I’m suffocating in bricks from the castle you built for her
But when she saw the foundations cave, you trapped me in.
Kayls Jun 2020
I felt empty,
Until I started to romanticise the depth of the hole I was digging.
Empty is graceful.
I felt empty,
Until that’s what I wanted
Now I feel replete,
Glutted.
Kayls Jun 2021
Holding me in his arms like I am fragile China
A distressed glass yearning to collapse at his feet.
He cradled me anyway.

He’s so gentle with everything he touches.

And he will keep this gentleness when he is holding my beating heart in his hands

and when he rips it from my body his reassuring words will echo a pulse in my chest.
Kayls Oct 2022
Manifest through waves,
Whisper secrets in cats ears,
Confide wishes into seashells
and water plants with your tears -
Let your worries blow out candles,
Pray for the wind, the rain and stars -
Become companions with the moon,
Hope that nature knows who we are.
Kayls Aug 2020
Standing in the middle of the street, pouring rain, wash away my defiled skin. The moon above taunting me, untouched.
I want to be pure again,
Not for you
For me.
Kayls May 2021
I would sell my mortal soul to live with you in sticks and stones
To sleep on piles of broken bones
To be the one to call you home

I would stay up every night to fight off all your Demons  
Cause I know you have trouble sleeping
And I’d rather be up weeping
Than have you feeling weak

And

I would learn every song you liked
Sing them to you every night
Play them on guitar until my fingers were red and raw.

I would crash my car into a bridge
If you didn’t like the sight of it
If you wanted me inside of it
I’d strap myself in

And as the bridge collapses
I’d be content in passing
My last breath of oxygen
Onto you.
Kayls Jun 2021
I am a soldier trapped in a porcelain prison.
Foreign to the barracks that mirrors my skin
I am within my own adversary.
The trenches in the scars on my legs sit as a reminder
That I will forever be at war with myself.
Kayls Nov 2020
I’m hungry
For love.
For respect.
For self worth.
For touch.
I have been deprived with no control.
For as long as I can resist I can blame my restrictions on me and not you
I need you there, even if you’ve forgotten about the knot you tied between my hands and behind my back,
That I have bruised and bashed my wrists to break free of.
Kayls Jul 2020
I gave you my love
You gave me no trust
I gave you my body you left it to rust
I am out of sight
I am in the dust
Don’t build me up
Fake love all lust
Kayls Dec 2020
I can’t stop seeing you, I am you.
Our cores intertwined like a hose overgrown in a shed long forgotten about.
One that used to water our garden of Eden.
But now sits collecting dust,
Never patched after a puncture.
Our nirvana in drought.
I saw you today and my eyes watered,
I could see in your eyes the memories flooding back.
Lusting for us to water flowers once more.
Kayls May 2020
Barbed wire conjured by my own mind restricts my wrists
From opening the fridge door
I have to be in control,
That’s what the voices tell me.
I can’t be without the mirror
It reminds me that my ribs are too wide
And that a number controls my life, not me.
Kayls Oct 2022
Sometimes
If I focus on the rain,
I can hear it whisper.
I can’t make out what it’s trying to tell me,
Or if it’s for me to hear at all.
I don’t want to be rude and interrupt,
So I’ll sit at the sill and admire at a distance,
and as the aftermath of the storm leaks from the gutters,
a million secrets trickle down my window pane,
Condensate,
Then disappear.
Kayls Jun 2021
I wish I was loved the way I love.
A love so passionate and fierce that it burns holes through my clothes.
A love so ****** that it can make kissing the salty streams on your cheeks gratifying.
A love that you arise in the morning anticipating and sleep at night dreaming of.
A love that writes you poems because the only way they can express in words how they love you is through art because to them you are art.
The type of love that makes you hold your breath to feel in control because this love is dominating.
A love that I have given so haphazardly again and again but never felt.
A love that I can’t seem to give myself.
Kayls May 2020
The mirage of the wind chimes signalled my new beginning
As I clutched to the skull perched on my window sill, the only thing close to imitating the pressure of another’s touch.
The wind chimes, I could not see them
But their dance with the wind was mesmerising to me
4 am, the birds alerted it was a new day, I may have started it grasping at sorrow and fear but instead I clutched onto a shred of hope.
With desolation comes enlightenment, and with the wind always follows, a chime.
Kayls Jul 2022
I’ll pass through you in the afterlife,
Spirits intertwined,
I may never get to meet your body,
But I’m accustomed to your mind.
Our souls have accompanied eachother a thousand years and a hundred lives,
Comfortable with the distance,
We are as dead as we are alive.
How your time is shortened,
How mine has just begun,
But waiting on this earth seems pointless
when we are not as one.
I will meet you in the next life,
Or somewhere in between,
But right now just be patient,
My twin flame across the sea.
Kayls Oct 2021
I anticipate what happens every year,
You come and go,
my favourite season.
I need the warmth you give me during these winter months,
You need the stability of a girl with flaws.
I started to miss moments as I was living them,
Not savouring them but yearning for them to stay.
I’m really going to miss you once you leave again,
And as the leaves on the trees wither -
He leaves my body cemented to the bed where we lay.
Kayls Nov 2022
Burning matches just for the smell and crying into the wind
These abandoned buildings can only house so many abandoned children
How could I ever be lonely when I’m under the freezing moon
All of us staring Into its blue.
life is drifting by like fog
a constant haze over the fields that surround this paper town
Im scared I’ll grow out of this place
So I’ll seek asylum in melancholic feelings.
Dying to stay here,
Living to leave.
Kayls Oct 2021
I have an overwhelming need to make you feel everything I can’t
To make you feel unconditional love for every flaw you think you have
I want to let you cry
And wipe the salty tears from your face  
To let you breath and feel safe
To Make you want to live again.
But giving you my warmth
Keeps me cold -
Still I will happily freeze.
And giving you life
Drains me of mine -
But dying for you will put me at ease.

— The End —