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lydia p May 5
Randomly selected words- holding, growing, building, style, deadly

I hate it when you do that
When you keep holding on to the memories
of us
When I’m supposed to be growing
And building with someone new
Healthier, who will make me happier
Who has a style of living
That won’t force me to change everything about me
But you never let go of us
And we go round and round
In this deadly cycle
Like a glass carousel
But eventually, the glass will shatter
And you will have to let go
But I hate the idea
Of living without you
More than I hate
You not wanting to let go of us
Even though we are broken
Beyond repair
Even though our glass
Is slowly turning to dust around us
But you never let go
You just hold me
The sun will rise and we will try again
The more you love the more you suffer
lydia p Mar 18
If truthful words could flow like water from a facet
What would you say to me
Would you tell me what you think
Or would you mumble so quietly it’s inaudible
If your mind opened up like a book
What would you reveal to me
Would you show me authenticity
Or would you slam the book shut and lock it in a vault
Your world is sweet
Like a popsicle on a summer day
Melting away under the radiant sun
The sweet sticky syrup soaked into your mind
Stuck there for eternity
Reminding you how great it was to be a child
Playing around, getting grass stains, and dreaming
Such extraordinary dreams you had as a child
But you are not that child
And that sweet sticky syrup only pains you
It’s a constant reminder of what you lost
Change is only a bittersweet memory
Of what you once had
And that faucet which you spoke so truthfully from is clogged
And all you can muster is a low whisper
of what you once were
lydia p Mar 18
People are like smiles that never reach one’s eyes
One minute they’re there
The next they’re gone
For a second you hope they’re real
The next you know they never were

Words are like clean, polished glasses
With them everything is bright and clear
Without them everyone is dark and blurry
When you crack them perfectly you see
The truth behind everyone’s lies

I am so sick of being broken
I am too tired to see through the cracks in the glasses
When it’s really me who’s cracked
Shattered actually

It’s like I’m drowning in self pity
I’ve wasted all my energy trying to
Claw myself out of my own colateral quicksand
I can’t stop from suffocating on my words

I have tried to outrun the voices in my head
But they always seem to find me
I cannot escape
I am trapped
Utterly and completely stuck
In my perpetual mind field
Of struggling
To keep my head above water
To stop myself from going under
From cutting too deep
And wrecking it all before it ever started
I’m falling asleep
And I’m wide awake
Sun warms the ice
And fails to thaw my heart
Muscles fracture
Tendons snap
Skin and bones
Hollowed out
By the howling wind
Smudged makeup
Tight clothes
Bruised and bleak
A Beautiful wreckage
Bombs inside a carnaged frame
Breaking ribs
Smiling in agony
Smashing at my temples
Smokey clouded brain
Sad excuses fail to convince
Sorry for my self induced torture
Lies destroy the last bit of truth
lydia p Mar 18
If I was a ship on the violent sea
You would be my anchor

If I was lost in a dreamless sleep
You would be my savior

If I was the moon and you were the stars
We’d run away together

— The End —