As the monarch advanced
And drifted toward the sea
I sat on the dune observing
And selfishly thought---
"What about me?"

With wings that rode the wind
This creature who ignored
All warning
And needful sign
Weathered blast of ocean's spray
All witnesses deaf as I implored

Born of a trusting nature
Which pained me entirely
To the silent masses I say
As a person, as an organism---
To finally admit aloud
That I am not okay.

I suppose
to you
I've become
something of a joke
so pardon me
if my punchline is showing
avert your eyes.

Give me a spoon
cut me loose
we shall see
what holds more weight
my stature---
or my resolve.

Knowing you exist
makes me breathe easy
seeing you struggle
and suffer the same as me
I am ready to admit
that your needs truly
now--- far out weigh my own.

There so many questions
that my daughter brings to life
it is overwhelming
yet, endearing
I have tasted pain
not wishing her to know
comprehend,
or understand it
these emotions
have always threatened to end me
so do not blame me
if I will not forward them
to your address
my daughter, in this life
I want to answer truthfully
but walk the edge of an answer
as carefully as I would a knife.

Broken toys
don't sleep at night
they sit in corners
and stare with one good eye
wondering, collecting dust
quiet rejection
turns to mistrust
with dreams just as broken.

There is no need
for cattle to understand
they do. they live. then die.
cast not pearls before swine
neither mine nor thine
serve them inferior supply.
let them eat cake.
live then die.
it is not necessary for cattle
to understand the ways of life
nor curse of being man.

I've outgrown the rage
and fallen into God's design
all the hurt and pain is gone
I've left that part of me far behind.

I remember
despite it being crass
what my wise grandpa once said
"You've made your bed
Now shove it up your ***!"
while that is disturbing as sin
however, the real problem is
I forgot what nursing home
we stuck him in.

It's getting better all the time
not the struggle
it always stays the same
but the difference is
truly I am now
a more accomplished liar.

Think about it---
with so many things left undone
and so many words not being said
no wonder there are so many ghosts
and so few bedsheets.

Drowning,
I can see the shore
I am closer now
than I was before
a playful breeze at my back
the feverish sun sinking low
only a little more left now,
a few hundred miles to go.

You tell me the world is rotten
and I turn my face away
you say it is hopeless
yet, I still manage to believe

older brother,
you can not smother the flame within me
it glows all the more brightly
day by day

little sister,
it is that hatred and jealousy
that will do you in
it is the real reason
that you are not free

sitting prostrate
in front of a dying fire
rubbing your hands for warmth
while your own light is choking
on fading embers.

Demanding loyalty
being bonded to a pax romana,
contract or treaty
and craving attention
from all that I see
just as our fathers
and mothers before us
just as any good creator would do
I am focused on the worship of me.

After 13 years
there is a need for honesty
all the things I've held back
are placed in front of me
for as long as I could remember
it has never been this way
sometimes life is a parade
that winds up like JFK.

At the end of the day
all I want is to be me
but the cup is empty
the tank is dry
there isn't any "me" left
and now I know the reason why.

Not my soul
that I rip aside
not my form
nor bleeding hide
not my fault I was born
the two parents
I thought were mine
brought me to this world
and left me behind.

To all the enslaved
that are still in debt
I nail this note
to a wooden frame
that you still need to open.
for all of you,
that have tasted society's boot
I tell you---
bide your time
turn the other cheek
and learn to respire
you will outlast the fake
outlive all the ungrateful
and become the one true legacy.

Dear one:

You are a quiet conqueror
I know it
because your voice will make avalanches
and rouse the sleeping mountains
your words of kindness will heal others
and in doing so
it will break your own cycle.

Jasmine,
I believe all these things
and in you so strongly
for I have seen it
in a future that presently waits for you
remain steadfast
and please realize
you will do many wonders
because you are one yourself.

After being smothered for so long
I'm finally breathing on my own
peeling off the layers
that held me still
this strange freedom
that I feel
now becomes anxiety
and much too real.

You used to run beside me
but now my body is run down
all the miles together
through the changing weather
wherever I was, you could be found
ever since the silence
I miss you more now
because I finally know the math
the both of us were works in progress
with feelings always equal to this life.

Talk about fashionable---
bars were once
the modern day ***** den
now replaced by a newer drug---
technology
and with so many track marks
I know we will never recover.

I remain the worm
no one gets me
only the early rising bird
that opens its beak
and swallows me whole
down the endless gullet I fall
not stopping
no chance to wonder
if life was ever truly fair at all.

I think I've been forgotten
nobody knows
how long I've been away
however, in the details
the uncertainty shows.

There is no grave,
no marker
no way to pay respects
so please just move along
and just continue to forget.

The monster of things
brought out the man in me
the boy that emerged as a man
from the trappings to be
and with all that I know now
it becomes a home I can never again see

This land was once an eternity
until the gray line dissected it
now there is gasoline and chains
the sinew that winds around every bit
this is not an illusion
but in the end,
it makes you ill enough.

The only true promised land
is built on the promises
that you learn to keep.

What if the moon keeps rising
from ceiling to sky
will I try to stand up
despite it pushing me down
or give up
without further a try?

Out of all the millions
it was me who reached the end
the walls were breached
and a person
yet to be, curled up dreaming.

Do not feel unworthy
and this reason alone will resonate
you fought against millions
never asking for conception
and here now you stand.

An army of white
filled with personality
pushing past
surging, searching in purpose
making the threat my existence.

At this stage there are only impulses, programming that breed
moving onward in the labyrinth
not truly knowing
but blindly going
against potential brethren.

Do not misunderstand me
I am not in love
with your beauty
it is your brand
of ugly that interests me.

My feeling have issues
I'm trying to live
aside from the anger
I'm trying to give
nerve endings scream
you cannot go numb
breeding the theme
that I'm coming from.

Waiting
on an empty stage
for the applause
the curtain to raise
echos here
sound like praise
simple silence
is not a phase.

Like a magazine
locked and caged,
in between
sweaty hands
cast away the shells,
cartridges,
the bullets and me
tell it all away
it's just a dream,
just a dream
and hope you're still awake
when the shooting ends.

This world is an ugly place
when it has shown its terrible face
after heaven's fall
I've heard the call
and I'll never go back again.

Strike out
at the largest vein
that traverses the honeycomb
and finally reveal yourself.

Life is not fair, friend
when I am here
and you are not
when you were ensnared
by addiction and desires of flesh
a soul left here to rot

The existing situation is not so great
born of our differences
where we did not gain a scar
knowing love did not spare us pain
moving us forward into unknown embrace
and only served to make us who we are.

My decision made
only air caught me
resigned to fade
from the highest place
with the most shade
I'm coming down
that hand I've played
sent me below
but I'm not dismayed
when beckoned by the ground
I heard and I obeyed.

Mother I bleed today
much in the same way you did
all those years ago
different battlefields
different scars
but we learned the value of life.

Once you realize
you're part of a dying machine
marvel at your worth
and the part
you play in the movement,
little cog.

Am I asking too much
to be recognized
do I want too much
to be heard
day after day
all I'm after
is relief that is found
from one kind word.

Darling child,
there is nothing I can give to you
except for the fear that was placed in me
a long time ago
once when I crowed loudly as a youth
then was bludgeoned with words
lessons meant to cage and keep me
and my ribcage still houses that fear
however, you should be glad to know
that my love for you now speaks louder.

Another few seconds pass
before the minutes are flung into the chasm
the next skeleton that rattles
will bear the mark of the hour
and so greedy it is,
as the pair of hands reach for our lives
all consuming, but never full
the swinging tock sound of the pendulum
has now provided me
with a tic of my own
only now can I---
almost taste
the impudence of the clock
the eyes on its face
ever alert,
unblinking
its grin,
unyielding
widens,
more still---
until it seizes the day.

Let's not be coy
I said,
wagging my finger
you are here to talk about me
I said repeatedly
to the mirror
so talk---
I said, playfully
or I will.

The roads are blocked
like my arteries
and when I come to a stop
there is only a dead end.

Looking at this world
the old gods will say
let it expire,
it's far past decay

When flesh rots its form
there is nothing more to find
leaving only the stench to remain
and the bones that remind.

I'm reaching for my happy thoughts
But I'm only grabbing air
looking for that life time
with no one else to share
the more I start to wonder
the more I really care
how I was never here
and I was not all there.

The weight of thought falls on me
as life understands its gravity
such a small room I think
but such a big world I tell
which leaves me to wonder
as I stand upon the chair
are ghosts haunted by regret as well?
then by taking the rope
and pulling it taunt
I then decide
I'm not so sure
but time will soon tell.

The loneliness of it all
still haunts me now
called an animal
a beast, a deplorable
chained as veal
deprived of resources
be it sow or cow
sang to, out in the field
bludgeoned with violence
told to submit daily
or else, threat
or else, ****
I can not be owned
God and Mother Nature
could never allow
yesterday I was once a man
who tasted freedom
upon his tongue
and tomorrow---
I will be a man still.

A glint of scope
crosshairs,
then a life is gone
send me home
I miss my momma
and everything that is my home
you gave me a gun
taught me to hate
I tried to soldier on
but a bullet can't wait.

Uplifting
is the regifting
of the soul
when life takes it toll
left to drown on dry land
when no one else can understand.