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  Oct 20 Christine Ely
i feel empty

i feel as if i’m floating through life

watching it through the eyes of someone else

i feel heavy

as if i'm being dragged down and no longer have the strength to push my way up

is it possible to feel these two things at once?

the feeling of nothingness

the feeling of excruciating pain

how can emptiness feel so heavy?
Christine Ely Oct 19
I feel betrayed by the quiet moments;
they used to be my saving grace
the time I’d use to steel myself
for what comes next.
Today the quiet moments
are turning on a dime-
they’re fuel to continue driving
or they’re fuel to the flames.
Doesn’t help that the thought
of quiet conversation
makes me discretely nauseous
(they meant it as a promise
of relief!)

I’m floating in the quiet moments,
awash in time’s vast swell
aching bones a prize of attempt
a wordless, reasonless ache
that I wear tucked away inside my breast pocket,
in the marrow of my very being,
and tucked deep in the recesses of my mind.
Creativity, sure-
but useless pain is the easiest to write about.
...and the most difficult to present without it sounding incredibly overdramatic.
  Oct 19 Christine Ely
The intimacy
of a place in a moment
takes root: "I am home!"
  Oct 18 Christine Ely
She's a golf course and a red flag marks her hole.
Our chat's meaningless to me, yet I get stressed
When her text pops up from the net. Hold ur bowl
Of blows to my ego for our banter, don't forget
To flatter this reject wen she gets sicc of me.
Still, I can't afford her, so I sold my wallet
To feed her. She'll teach me like a trainee
For a matador. But who's got my cutlass
And just between you and me, is she *****?
Just coz she's sending her signals in Norse code,
Coz I reckon miscommunication be
The cause that runes us. Set this coke to explode
With the mood and mode she's in, as I take
A taste of her minty mis-takes and heartache.
"She's playful
The boring would warn you
Be careful of her brigade
In order to tame this relentless marauder move away from the parade

She was walking on the tables in the glasshouse
Endearingly bedraggled in the wind
Subtle in her method of seduction
Twenty little tragedies begin"
-The Last Shadow Puppets
I sense this world is not what it seems
This sugar-plum Home, some counterfeit dream
Where I might have played
        dress-up in mother's closet
And pretended to be grown -- like her
And beautiful -- like her

Where I might have had enough to eat
        Safe inside a child's sleep
My sparrow's heart tucked in with a story

Tonight I drank the star-studded sky
As the need for why
        dissolved in my cup
Now is enough --
The mad
do not truly exist
in our world.

They live in their own
so their madness
makes sense.
  Oct 15 Christine Ely
to you,
i'm sorry if i hurt you
i never ever wanted that
but honestly,
over time you've hurt me too
and when you said “i need space”
it crushed me, but it also gave me a strange sense of liberty
but no matter how long i put the feelings off,
i always come back to wanting you
if only these memories of you would leave me
and i from you,
we could finally, finally start anew
but i don't want things to be how they were long before,
i only want you in a simple way,
a way that still allows me to be in your luminous aura everyday,
as a friend
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