awe is mine at seeing
Your fearless way of being
You act, and write, creating
A loud testament to authenticity.
And it’s stories,
ones upon reading evoke some feeling
And I admire your character even more.
You are a character, a pagan with a penchant for early 2000s music,
who is content on her own.
You make the days pass in sunshine
(though all insist that you’re darkly inclined)
and you make us howl with laughter
in public while people stare.
Words glow in the dark
and burn on my tongue
They run under my fingertips
and whisper above my head
sweep past at the edge of my vision
they eat time like you wouldn’t believe-
and they roil around inside my body
and they burst forth, bared bright on the screen,
drift past when the clouds are out
In the white noise they drone now
like heavily perfumed notes in my head
That I won’t get out; but I don’t need that.
A touch, a sound of little laughter-
and conflict starts to simmer.
The way one stands apart from them
and somehow, she’s the sinner.
She’s home by nine for little time
exists to venture outward.
A thrashing sleep awaits her and she’d thought sleep would bring comfort.
They pass the time in little ways
that reek of **** and spirits.
And if she was to ever ask
‘you wouldn’t want to hear it’.
So how she instead loses time
in bed and with no company,
it hits home hard when implied that
she won’t know how to cut loose.
It’s true, she’s sad, but not in how
you choose to look down on her-
So next time, when they judge so quick
Indignation will burn hotter.
Tie me to the moon
Strike me down when you see the sun
You suggested you stay over at my house.
This was before you declined
and after I asked previously.
I’m always asking of you.
And you only ask of me when you have nothing better to do.
Here I am, listening to what you recommend.
Reading what you like.
Sitting by you in class when you want it.
And it’s leaving a mark on my soul.
You speak with me,
But only when my turmoil is so great that it’s like a drama so salacious
that you need to know what happens next.
And you’re beautiful, and that catches me,
Caught in the snares of awe and empathy.
And misery welcomes company,
and we’ve each enough misery to warrant one another’s company for a million years.
That’s why I wish you’d stay.
But family is important.
Especially when they live three hours away.
But that doesn’t make it hurt any less,
that I dreamt of you, and you turned me down.
You like to play with me,
dangling a glimpse of affection on a string.
And I wish I didn’t need it.
But I want it because it feels like a balm to my despondency.
Make me feel something.
But even my sleeping mind does not delude me;
“It will NEVER HAPPEN.”
That statement lost me two people at once.
Today I grieve.
And curl up in a ball instead of going to mass.
God, help me.
A little boy
appeared before my door
in a bird mask with a hooked beak
and soulless eyes.
The heavy black cape
brought me back to a time
where I’m dead by now.
The rash that bubbles up
under my skin when I am stressed
looks like mild sunburn compared to
the puckered and rippling purple sores
covering a body.
In another life, was I staring up into a face
That promises death?
And I gave the boy some candies,
grateful that I was not alive during the time
when I would have given the plague doctor
It’s true, I wanted a break
and God sent me a chance
I reached, tentatively,
and it crumbled at my touch.
He broke it off so quiet,
a bandaid ripped, no force,
but here I am exhausted
without his voice as a sense of reprieve.
He treated me so kindly
I approached him with such shame
He never showed he loved me
And it made me want to run.
I dreamt a nightmare feeling
that he accused me of betrayal-
because I chose her over him, right?
And I told him, no, that is
NEVER going to HAPPEN.
But still my motto stands clearly
When conflicted over two, it’s likely
And today I will focus on my health
and throw romance to the gutter.