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5...Finally the Night
  6...A ******* Recounts; The Exquisite Woman
  9...Floating & Buoyancy by Measure & Use in Christ's Holy
          Name; When I Get a Yeast Infection; Pronouncement;  
             The Wise Reverend Minister of Christ
10...Wise Husband; Beautiful Sunday 1995
11...What Have I Got?; The Sun Also Rises
12...My *** Encounter with a Married Woman; Lay Waste  
13...Using Niggative; Jesus Trusted; Finally the Night Falls
14...John Stephens; Never Too Careful; Oct. 1 Notes; Impropriety
15...Farewell Planet of Apes; Part of Breakfast; A Mafia Hit Man
16...Cemetery Plots; Alone w/My Buddy; “Don't Shoot Yourself”
17...Tribute to Irish Potato Grubbers; Bed Pan of Love; Harm
          not a Hair; The Cold, Crowded Winds of Yesterday
18...Quick, Grab Your Giblets; Romantic Tips for Nature-Lovers
19...Become a Grandmother; I Think
20...Love-Making Italian Style; Understanding the Police
21...***** Fest Ninety-Four
22...Fat Larry's Gussy ***; She Was a Wanton *****
23...Bad Case; Proof of God
24...Are You Plagued...?; Richard Nixon
25...My Worst Experience in the Bathroom; George
          & Barbara Bush; Brenda Felt the Warm Moisture
26...One Commandment; Frozen Panic
27...Time to Let the Neighbors; Puke or *****?; Hurricane Tips
28...She Was Poised Like a Nightmare From Hell
29...The ****** with Love Interests; Reflections from a Cat's ***
31...Fat Larry's Holiday Catalog; Slogging Thru Me Brain Area
33...Downthrow the Ethnarchy; Wrong Things Between Times
35...Fat Larry's Secret-Recipe Coffee; My Mind Knows Not Rest
37...Work at Home and Earn 1,000's Daily!
38...Stories fr. the U.S. Navy; Some Time Other
42...Married Men's Most-Asked Questions—Test Your Skill!
44...High-Paying Careers
45...There's What's Left of Promise; Fat Larry's Used Dentures
47...Money-Saving Tips; The *** Said Something Queer To Me
52...Rashless People Enjoying One Another
56...Kwick Wick
58...Snake Safety; Guide to Massage
60...My Nuts & Pipes
62...My Weekly Wash; 2-Ton Chinese Story
63...273 *** Women
64...Thighs of Bing Crosby; The Pope
66...From ****** Land
69...He's a Winning Dentist; Perfect ***
70...Large Christian Movement
71...“The Haunted Stool Sample”
72...Bathroom in Bed
75...Gift of Partial Memory
76...House For Rent; The Equity in Their Homos
77...Toilet King: Man of a Thousand Movements;
          Prayers; The Devoted Presbyterian
78...Itchy Truckers' Skin; How to Negotiate with Prostitutes
79...Life with a Monkey
80...Catching V.D.
81...Literacy U.S.A.; Wanna Land the Big One?
82...The Gift of Manly Virtue
83...Primer Love, w/Fat Larry's Rodent Report
84...My **** & the Moon; A Casual Observation
85...Where Do Policemen Come From?; How Disappointed
          Was I; The Last Time I Had a White Woman
86...17 Sure Aging Signs; The Case Against Henry Miller
89...It's So Small in the Orient; An Interesting
         Wash of This, That & the Other
90...Losing a Trusted Wife; Allergic to Washing Up
91...I Need Help; Highlights of Irish History & Wisdom
92...Liver Tumors & Fin-Rot
93...As My Breathing Grew Laboured; Quick!
94...Having Grown Up Around Cows
380 · Aug 5
Psychopathia Sexualis
Our Lord of rood healed not the blood-engorged hemorrhoid ridges
of the sea-hunting reprobate operating unilaterally as Lloyd Bridges
who slurped rancid-cheese-rendered-runny dribble to avoid wedges
that'd stampede the intestines like a Conestoga of Bill Boyd sledges
that'll forevermore precipitate an impending bowel-evacuation burn
divorced from cat fleas on a dog's tail that cannot be taught to learn
the difference 'tween The Ray Conniff Singers & a conifer or a fern
or why romantic love with prisoners is often more tender than stern
under Allah's clear moon on an Earth without rotational spin & turn
under Islam's see-through moon on an Earth lacking all spin & turn
underneath a divisible Tawhid loon that creaks south a twining turn
beneath a Mahometan transparent moon that lacks a spinning churn
beneath a Mohammedan moon transparent that spins a butter churn
atop a Bahama mama mothering *** buffoons who on a toilet yearn
for new soul incarnations of ornithologists Loke Wan Tho & Mavis
& pro-thrombosis Sabu Dastagir & Linda Boreman's Sammy Davis
whose income-tax-filing talents weren't sufficient enough to save us
as Henry Miller's Max and the White Phagocytes couldn't delay pus
nor **** Americans idiotic with homosexual-matrimonial-*** fuss
that deranges Jesus' clerics via spirals of psalmic worship pray/cuss
that transports l'ordine dei Gesuiti by a Scripturally-choked day bus
Invaginate Man with chemical-warfare vaccines & killer influenzas
too & stick us within the walls of God's Earthly institutions too few
Terry Bradshaw, hairy dads' law, fairy grads' law, Mary's mad shawl
kick ***, shave *****, crucify Christians, blind mice, sign by scrawl
a contract on Loke to make tall movie marquees for Run Run Shaw
who swore an oath on the soul of his dead brother to not wear a bra
till Galen Winsor's criticality mass of U-235 forces an A.E.C. brawl
over sunlight burned from David Bowie's epical "Time Will Crawl"
what possesses no musical tempo for Barry's beagle minus forepaw
for a 3-legged plop into Manilow's heartless, unrighteous corpuscle
as *** tricks & homosexy plays zap go-power from 1 tauter muscle
as queer-bait, heterosexy ploys zip not finesse from a stiffer mussel
on The No-Talent-*** Hour withal **** Mountjoy & **** Trickle
who crash Fords into ditches while cracking lard ***** with a tickle
above the din of Heinz ramming vinegar into cukes to sour a pickle
near the stinking Monongahela River where ****** charge a nickle
while Scaife & Melon courtesans are accurately pegged to be fickle
'cept with regards to the *****-wide fund that causes cells to sickle
& ***** to rash & bruise more effectively than a Taylor swift kick'll
against a dim mak nerve strike on Brucey Lee or rabid chow's lick'll
pass hydrophobia better than a ***** needle that's loaded to ***** all
in a hillbilly-shopping quagmire & swamped-redneck-bog-hick mall
where Deliverance pork cooks quicker than 2 mules in a quick stall
where Deliverance meat bakes sicker than 2 donkeys in a slick stall
where pork-fried Deliverance meat is slicker than Mort "sick" Sahl
where pig-burnt Deliverance props are as thick as Mort "sick" Sahl
where queer Deliverance boar gobs rot in demon Mort "*****" Sahl
Don't sit under the apple tree with anybody else but me or you'll get
cancer unlike Jew Jimmy Hoffa's sell-out daughter Barbara Crancer
the judge who'll not solve the mobster father Riddle with an answer
as she ain't died yet & will never become a strip-tease-go-go dancer
on **** Peak,  Middlesex, trans-Neptunian object Pluto, France or
any other ****-hole where it's easy to make your bloated glands sore
in Glen Campbell's Galveston where the slimy-****-rich sand's poor
up against a plain field that centers the Bible's flat-Earth-land's core
no matter her sudsy Disney image a mermaid is a peterman's *****
The hydro fracturing of planetary igneous stratums delivers disaster
for Billy Hearst in the flicks of Marion Davies' in which he cast her
as a 2-bit cuck-socking trull who plays queen to a queer-bait master
while enjoying Sundays in the rectory diddling a 58-year-old pastor
in clear view of his 300-pound wife as no pig ever ate a meal faster
than a hog could without letting a Mike Obama feast get passed her
because typhus scrub ain't no problema on my Zyklon-B-gassed fur
in pitch blackness with Moochelle Robinson's downy skin alabaster
“No no, *** Tech.  It's a technical college for *****.”
Doris Day is dead. Her fans celebrate with ******. Lots of joy at the
****** to remember Doris who loved ****** for 83 years. Doris had
an **** 1 day before she died. It was her last **** & she loved it as
much as she had loved her first ****, at age 14, in Onitsha, Nigeria.
A willing dog of sacrifice was willing to become dog-meat soup for
me if my pantry were stocked with spices that made dog-meat spicy
& palatable for dog-meat connoisseurs with gerbils up their butts &
blue-murdered minds & acid-stripped knee caps & bent-back backs
sprained under the under-cut strain of rainy days in ****-hole Spain.
290 · Jul 31
a nut for a jar of tuna
The Three X Sisters sang their ***** off for **** sailors in Bulgaria
& for brutalized, ****-diving Armenian lesbians who have stopped
****-diving, temporarily, since contracting Hawaii-swamp malaria.

Story No.: 7206

Restrictions: Channel 7, Bangkok = NO ACCESS THAILAND

Duration: 00:01:27:24

Source:  Channel 7 , Bangkok


Date: 05/09/1995 04:00 A.M.

Shotlist Go to top
1. Various shots of Teng's body in morgue

2. Various shots of Teng's documents

3. Exterior shot of Chang Mai Ram Hospital

4. Relatives

5. Doctor's report on cause of death

6. Teresa's body with red lesions on her neck (caused by asthma)

7. Police Lieutenant General Sanam Khongmnang
Watch (available on You-Tube) G. Edward Griffin's World Without Cancer.

IN BRIEF Concerning Cancer: 1. Take a pregnancy test just after waking up. For men a positive result means either cancer or a false positive. Take another test the next day. If a man gets 3 positive results then likely he has cancer somewhere. For women a positive result means (if she's able to become pregnant) she's pregnant or she has cancer, or she's pregnant and she has cancer, or a false positive (the test result is wrong). 2. Several positive pregnancy test results = cancer. What next? STOP eating red meat, sugar, corn syrup. STOP drinking *****. STOP (or at least cut back on) smoking. 3. Eat fresh pineapple & papaya. Take vitamin B17 (at least 1 gram daily) and wheat grass and/or barley grass liquid or capsules (they're rich in vitamin B17), on a full stomach daily (you can't overdose on them ~ they're not poisonous). Take a zinc supplement. Take pancreatic enzymes. REVIEW: TAKE pregnancy tests to detect cancer. TAKE vitamin B17 (and as many of the listed vitamins as you can, especially zinc). Eat fresh pineapple & papaya. STOP eating red meat & cane sugar. It will take several weeks on B17 therapy to turn out negative pregnancy test results. The tumor WILL NOT shrink much even after the cancer is gone because only 10% of the tumor was cancer. The tumor MAY swell temporarily as the vitamin B17 kills malignant cells. NOTE: Vitamin B17 therapy WILL NOT destroy the tumor! Vitamin B17 therapy will destroy the malignant cells (cancerous cells) of the tumor and within the tumor. Only 5% to 10% of the cells comprising a tumor are cancerous cells. In time the tumorous growth will be absorbed, in whole or in part. Unless the tumor is cosmetically displeasing, impinging nerves or blood vessels or hampering normal ****** function then let it be.
I was eating Mary Ann's coconut cream pie, which sounds ***** but
it isn't, when the lard-*** skipper fell through the bathroom floor of
the Minnow and smashed Lovey Howell to death. It was really sick
& I could not forget it & since I didn't have a plastic knife, I cut her
up with a bamboo stick. ****** tucked in first with her huge *****
swinging, as I fought my cocoanut-skin rubber to push my thing in.
205 · Jul 26

"Oh my God who are you?"
"I'm Snuffy Morton."
"Please to meet you Scruffy. I'm Angela Anthracite."
"What, like hard coal?"
"That's right: hard & firm just like my knockers."
"You mean your *******?"
"I sure do Stuffy. That's exactly what I mean."
189 · Aug 15
It's not my joke
but this is how I remember it: A *******'s car broke down in the country and, having heard that country folk are accommodating, she knocked on a farmhouse door. An old farmer answered. She explained her predicament and asked to spend the night. “Well, okay,” he said, “but you'll have to share a bed with my 3 ******* sons.” She agreed. That night it was very hot and so, being a *******, she decided to show her gratitude by having *** with the 3 ******* farm boys. After an hour of explaining how to have ****** *******, she handed to each boy a ******. “Duh, what's this for?” The smartest of the 3 boys asked. “Put that on your ****** so that I don't have a baby,” the ******* patiently instructed. They did as they were told, and each young man had *** with the *******. A week passed and the young men were in a cornfield going insane from the unbearable crotch-itching that started a day after the ******* left. Finally the eldest brother freaked out. “******* it!” He shrieked. “I don't care if she has a baby! I'm taking this **** ****** off!!!”
186 · Sep 5
La Homa
It would take the musings of a Becky to lure Oke {La Homa}
back into Arizona Territory to confront the Earps in their:
TERRITORIAL EMPIRE OF LOVE {marriage = man + woman}
It was a warm morning in Arizona Territory, as Tombstone's many ****** were battling vaginitis. Oke saddled his mare. He was leaving & never coming back. There was no way he was saddling his Becky for any trip that involved returning. It's not uncommon for a cowboy to name a girlfriend after his horse.
   “Where ya headed Homa?” Becky {the woman} asked.
   “Nev'r you mind Missy!”
   “La Homa?” Becky wondered.
   “How's-a come you say never with only one e?”
   “Because real love involves triuumph,” La Homa realized
out loud and: “a man's only so good as the Lord allows him.”
   “Why do you say triumph with an extra u?”
   “That was a typo,” La Homa conceded. “I'll be so
careful so that it  ain't apt to happen a second time.”
   “Don't leave me La Homa!”
   “Why not?”
   “Because I have vaginitis!”
   “Good Lord! How long?”
   “Since Tuesday.”
   “Tuesday, heh?”
   That night, because La Homa didn't go, he and Becky {woman} got awfully familiar with one another. Their friendship had never been strong and now it was even stronger. Let's listen in as Oke {La Homa} confesses to the woman Becky, about how lousy it is being a cowboy: living like a pig or dog.
   “Becky, I know, with time, your vaginitis will subside.”
   “Thanks La Homa, coming from you that means something.”
  “As you are aware, life on the trail ain't all whiskey & vaginitis. There's the loneliness, the ****-****** intrigue and other shocking things women would find unbearable. That's why most out here have taken to professional *******. Those who remain, as amateurs, find themselves wracked by doubt & foreboding.”
   “Have you ever doubted anything Oke?”
   “I told you: LA HOMA!!! And don't make me tell you again!”
   “Sorry: La Homa.”
   “As for your question: No, I have nevr had a moment's doubt.
We cowboys are named for states & territories for reasons that
should be obvious to even the dumbest of Tombstone's ******!”
   It was precisely then that Becky fell deeply in love
with La Homa. She wanted to be made pregnant a
lot. But dare she make her feelings known?
   “Arizona Territory's no place to raise young 'uns!” La Homa
exclaimed as if he read her mind or something. “The place is
a desert for Christ's sake! You can't grow ****, the ******
got vaginitis! It's no picnic fer a non-*****!”
   “Oh La Homa, I want to be vaginitis-free and to go places and
to do things, to bear children & learn resuscitation tactics.”
   “Rebecca, that's what I want too.”
  The way out was as tricky as extricating oneself from U.S.'s many foreign obligations. Arizona was a dried-out, scaly ***** & Oke was hesitant lest he should step on a snake, contract rabies, tetanus or fever. The sooner Becky's immodesty disappeared the better for sailors, gaffers & gandy-dancers for Arizona was no crappier than New Mexico, Old Mexico & Lower California.
   “You could eat cauliflower till your colon throws in the roll
and I still wouldn't be convinced that a cowboy's best
means of travel is on the back of a large animal.”
   “Well tough ***** for you then!” Becky scolded. “I like to imagine your internals shaken to a slurry, bones rendered to gristle.”
   “Reports are that Mexico's cleaner than just a year ago.”
   “Yes,” Beck confirmed, “but vaginitis is up a thousand-fold!”
   “Jesus Matrimony! All those poor grease-eetas folding tortillas,
singing folksy hymns, yelling for Paco,  suffering for what?”
   “Some day, when Jesus sees fit, nobody'll be forced to eat
the garbage our poor Mexi-hermanos must, live in filth, or
speak an incomprehensibly demonic language.”
   “Can they ever be taught to love?” La Homa wondered.
  Becky turned her bare, black *** toward the camp fire as
La Homa negligently teased his afro. “When my Negroidal
people were held in *******, the one thing that they never
forsook was a faith in Jews, I mean Jesus.”
   “Mine too,” Becky added as she turned her Harry Truman
for warming. “Ma said that only black babies need pop from
my future president. She was persistent in that I don't know
which future one she had in mind.”
   “You could probably use Fillmore, he
reminds some people of gynecology.”
   “I've thought about him that way too but then I realized
that I may as well envision either Harrison, what
with hair in their names & all.”
   “Call it whatever you like,” La Homa said as he leaned back
on it. “A bush is no better to hide behind for an elephant
than a sling's effectiveness in threatening the moon.”
   Becky fiddled in La Homa's luxurious afro, her tapered fingers getting tangled. “You sure have a wide nose & big lips,” she noted.
   “Yes,” he conceded as he pinched her Hindenburgs, “some day moon travel will be a reality.”
“Were you very close to your father?” She had to ask.
   “Usually no closer than 15 feet,” La Homa admitted
for the first time. “My father was more interested in
other things, things I would not care to list.”
   “Servo-motors?” Becky guessed as she lifted her hanging
baskets precariously. “Or maybe, manifolds?”
   La Homa knew that she'd goon that way until his **** ran
off. “Tail!” He blurted. “He was into tail: ermine, *****, Tail!”
  Becky lowered her crates and reclined recumbently, she'd gone too far. Better to follow one's dreams than to risk vaginitis. An auxiliary one {****} would be nice during oil wars. It'd be a conversation-starter. “Look what I got? It's not fuel-efficient but it's still pretty good!” Perhaps love would **** everybody? Better let things to hatred, hatred knows not fever, only head-cold.
   “Were you very near your dad?” She felt compelled to query.
   “Often no better neighborly than five yards.”
   “Will you ever probe my coastal inlets?”
   “Yes. A cowboy is a cowpoke. He may fill your
port with mayonnaise or a thing what compromises {comprises} Christian abatement.”  
“Might it nevermore be unlike what it had come to be:
when we were so much so in love with each other?”
   “No Tribeca, or whatever your slum-name is, we may not invest our ****-yards, nor skim these ponds of ****. Ours is a better thing that churns butter, separates whey & chaff. We must surprise our loved ones, subsidize foreign markets, lift our black brothers.”
   “Might I?” Becca begged. “Bringeth forth a new age of promiscuity? Tempt those who have resisted my Negress's charms?”
   La Homa stood aghast, he hadn't known any woman so serious in her resolve, so revolutionary of spirit. A one such as she comes along every age, granted, but how many men get to know her so pit-&-pendulum style?...okay: lots. Enfeebled by a lack of nutritional sustenance he raised his timid voice: “Let us marry before the sun sets on Joburg or Sun City! By what way does the Lord of Hosts join such folk? Whom amongst this world of weirdies might trade a passion so round, soft and debased of its fortune? I list my ships Eastland, Olympic & Titanic. These habits I entwine...”        
“Gynecology's right up my alley! I've done frightful things for
nickels! Don't judge a judge by what his bailiff does. Never eat
a banana during *** pride month. To ****** one within the confines of a fondue restaurant makes for fond mammaries. This,
I Rebbecca, observe!”
   La Homa's horse needed attention.
“Excuse me while I attend to my horse.”
   “That horse gets more care than I! When are you going to run me to a lather, scrape my frog, massage my hocks?” Beck demanded.
   “Listen here Missy, you're going to get your flanks tanned
and cinched so tightly as to make your forelocks bulge!”
Warning to gnat-eaters. Don't eat gnats from Western Ghats till the pending gnat ban on Monsanto-poisoned gnats from Western Ghats
has ended, plus: Warning to Oriental rat dairies about dental caries.
I feel pain via my tactile sense & trees aren't wise, they're lumber &
flea-bit monkeys swing in trees and I hate you for 7 trillion reasons.
Many people feel that they suffer from sleeplessness when in fact they sleep like pigs. Others believe that they're plagued by ineffectual hormones, yet in reality they rut like rabbits. What is the cure? For those who cannot or will not sleep the recommended 12 hours, or ½-day daily, the answer is to double up on the sleeping pills.
From "Monty Python's Life of Brian"
The interior of MATTHIAS'S HOUSE. A darkened room with a very conspiratorial atmosphere. REG and STAN are seated at a table at one end of the room. FRANCIS, dressed in Activist gear — black robes and a red sash around his head — is standing by a plan on the wall. He is addressing an audience of about eight MASKED Activists. Their faces are partially hidden.

We get in through the underground heating system here... up through to the main audience chamber here... and Pilate's wife's bedroom is here. Having grabbed his wife, we inform Pilate that she is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?
What exactly are the demands?
We're giving Pilate two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Roman Imperialist State and if he doesn't agree immediately we execute her.
Cut her head off?
Cut all her bits off, send 'em back every hour on the hour... show him we're not to be trifled with.
Also, we're demanding a ten foot mahogany statue of the Emperor Julius Caesar with his **** hanging out.
What? They'll never agree to that, Reg.
That's just a bargaining counter. And of course, we point out that they bear full responsibility when we chop her up, and... that we shall not submit to blackmail.
(Applause) No blackmail!
They've bled us white, the *******. They've taken everything we had, not just from us, from our fathers and from our fathers' fathers.
And from our fathers' fathers' fathers.
And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers.
All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?
The aqueduct.
Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That's true.
Masked Activist:
And the sanitation!
Oh yes... sanitation, Reg, you remember what the city used to be like.
All right, I'll grant you that the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done...
And the roads...
(sharply) Well yes obviously the roads... the roads go without saying. But apart from the aqueduct, the sanitation and the roads...
Another Masked Activist:
Other Masked Voices:
Medicine... Education... Health...
Yes... all right, fair enough...
Activist Near Front:
And the wine...
Oh yes! True!
Yeah. That's something we'd really miss if the Romans left, Reg.
Masked Activist at Back:
Public baths!
And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now.
Yes, they certainly know how to keep order... (general nodding)... let's face it, they're the only ones who could in a place like this.

(more general murmurs of agreement)
All right... all right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what have the Romans done for us?
Brought peace!
(very angry, he's not having a good meeting at all) What!? Oh... (scornfully) Peace, yes... shut up!
146 · Aug 29
Engineer, W. Winckler was published in the Earth Review regarding the Earth’s supposed curvature, stating, “As an engineer of many years standing, I saw that this absurd allowance is only permitted in school books. No engineer would dream of allowing anything of the kind. I have projected many miles of railways and many more of canals and the allowance has not even been thought of, much less allowed for. This allowance for curvature means this – that it is 8” for the first mile of a canal, and increasing at the ratio by the square of the distance in miles; thus a small navigable canal for boats, say 30 miles long, will have, by the above rule an allowance for curvature of 600 feet. Think of that and then please credit engineers as not being quite such fools. Nothing of the sort is allowed. We no more think of allowing 600 feet for a line of 30 miles of railway or canal, than of wasting our time trying to square the circle.”
145 · Jul 30
Bluesy Berlin Sky
Plant a posy, *****! The best thing that you did in '73 was plant C4
to bomb E.M.F. plant-C. So sail back to Niger where Berlin's Nord-
ic types don't live; where no one uses toilets nor ever heard of bibs.
"Just in time!" Roy's partner-in-crime said.
"Another minute & we would all be dead!"
STOLEN LOVE-BUNNIES, a loving refutation of Eugene Wigner.
As I was eating a hardy breakfast on my yacht, I remembered 44 of
the things that you are not. You stole 578 raisin cookies & said that
they flew through your small intestines like French migratory birds,
even though the raisins on the cookies were just moist rabbit-turds.
Eugene Wigner (November 17, 1902 – January 1, 1995) was a physicist and mathematician. He received the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1963 "for his contributions to the theory of the atomic nucleus and the elementary particles, particularly through the discovery and application of fundamental symmetry principles."
I'd give a merry slap to Mary's lap, BEFORE I'D LET AN UNLUCKY PREGNANCY RUIN MY CHANCES at winning a bingo game against Mexicans. I'd bounce on down to Planned Parenthood for a constitutional abortion before a sudden moon-rise over Lake Enterprise. It's the American way in America today, because a car's got a horn & a cop's got a whistle & when a long, cold *** won't do, a short, hot ****'ll. I'd like to shoot off a sub-machine gun or thread a ******' girl much funner; a ******' girl who's a ******' wracked-out marathon runner.
Everybody loves to have a heart attack. You're sitting on the couch
with a **** neighbor chick in a bikini & she has a heart attack sud-
denly and dies. Just like that. A week later the mail man drops in to
say hello in his new French bikini, grabs his **** & dies from a huge
heart attack. You have a heart attack at his funeral & every **** in a
bikini loves you for it. 1 week later, a ******* steals your Toyota.
132 · Aug 5
East & West Topeka
The boyish lover marveled at Madeleine Albright's large **** cheeks, the way that they spread across the wide expanse of Kansas. He pressured her to expose other attributes. She did so. He'd not seen ******* likened to her **** as they were topographically more beautiful than Topeka. He would forever refer to them as the 2 Topekas, East & West.

☰☰☰☰☰☰✈ Teleprompter-reader Lesley Stahl on U.S. sanctions against Iraq: "We have heard that a half million children have died. I mean, that's more children than died in Hiroshima. And, you know, is the price worth it?"; Secretary of State Madeleine Albright: "I think this is a very hard choice, but the price--we think the price is worth it." — "60 Minutes" (5/12/96)
130 · Jul 30
New York to California
AND: Mittler zwischen hurn und händen muss das herz sein! =
The mediator between head and hands must
be the heart! {From, Metropolis.}
Dear Fat Larry: Do pigs ever identify a corpse from
dental records & find it to be a dentist? Has a ******
ever hitch-hiked from New York to California?
O rounded, ***** boy child with your tangled, curlicue hair,
you have come to deliver us from murky water into clear air.
Your dad Michael was shot by the C.I.A. to make him dead
on a motel balcony that was 15 feet from his soft, motel bed.
Now it's your turn to make right in Atlanta what is wrong
in Bible verse psalm and through ***** spiritual song.
I ain't attended no picnics in years because of waxy-wax build-up in
2 of my twin ears. Look Mama, there's Richard Gere with a nest of
hamsters up his rear. No need to alarm me with ovaries as girl *****
because I know that Richard Gere's *** ***-hamsters were gerbils.
125 · Aug 7
Playing with machetes
It's dark like a flood light that's burned out and no one's home
except everyone in the world. You just ate a large dog and
you're starving, and just to make sure that you didn't
miss out, I sold your tea-towels to Yugoslavians.
(1) Here she is *******.
(2) Here she is bottomless.
(3) Here she is ******* & bottomless.
(4) Here she is after her kidney was removed.
123 · Aug 23
Easing Into Difficulties
were a gynecologist loved by several thin women for the wonderful gynecological help that you provided. Now you are no better than a
lousy vampire doctor with asthma, addicted to hot blood & plasma.
120 · Aug 3
Eating a rat bone.
The police are always right. The police are
never right. The police have their reasons for wearing
skin-tight pants & revealing lingerie, thongs & girdles.
119 · Aug 11
The Rebounding World
Our nuts, that were cultivated for righteous
folk, are digesting in the guts of monkeys!
What a world!!!
118 · Aug 17
Shōgun blow gun
Jehovah in the name of Lord Jesus I'm consumed by terribly unwell
emotions. I reach for a twin ****** who loves elf-harm. Oh, ******
lover, where have you gone? Are you under my bed? Did you go to
my **** sister's room?  When we make wet ****** love my regular
head & 2 feet touch nothing. I wanna dance the cha-cha with freaky
geishas from Okinawa before all Shōgun Axis-war nips turn brutal.
113 · Aug 9
The Magic Island
Barbara Walters crammed her wobbly boulders into a confining bra
like the bra salesman told her. The sky vomited Skittles & killed 34
James Bond look-alikes in a swimming pool made by Amish crafts-
men in funny hats without mustaches, who only deal in cash 'cause
their women can't have ******* & are frigid, barren & passionless.
Our love was like 325 Haitians with knuckle sandwiches thumbing
& thrubbing our clitori, **** & cervic-necks for Voudon Gnosis ***,
before sacrificing us to their blood-imbibing Creole diety: Loa Rex.
110 · Aug 13
Incident in D.C., part 2
“And then I whipped off my **** strap and I said:
'Hey President Johnson I'm not afraid of you!'”
“Wait! You whipped off your **** strap?”
“Yeah? So what?”
“What happened then?”
“L.B.J. karate chopped me in the throat and warned me to never
whip off my **** strap at the Jefferson Memorial in front
of Hubert Humphrey & Winston Churchill again.”
"It looks like a flat tire to me," the mechanic said.
   "What might I do?" I asked completely confused.
   "First," said she, a female mechanic, in a motherly
tone, "let's get you into a warm bed."
   "But? ---
   "No buts, the sooner we get your clothes off
the sooner we can get you back on the road."
DURING MY PROCTOLOGICAL EXAM I was concerned when the firemen arrived, when they rolled out their hoses & extended their ladders. I saw no reason for anymore equipment than a flashlight & foot of tubing.
❤️❤️❤️❤️ My toilet & I have been through thick & thin. Our eyes met across the showroom floor of toilets and, in a flush, we fell in love.
   Kandee didn't like the walnut-wood office. On the table was a walnut bowl of walnuts. The receptionist was the color of walnuts.
   “Please excuse me from scratching my *** in front of you,” the philosopher said. “But there's no front to my ***.” Indeed, the front of his *** was not to be seen. “Care for a walnut?” He proffered in mid-scratch. “Thanks,” Kandee said, as she gulped several walnuts like they were Brazil-cut nuts.
   “You are very attractive,” the philosopher said, “like a walnut tree.”; “Thanks.”; “Won't you please sit here?” The philosopher motioned begrudgingly.; “I will comply,” Kandee replied romantically like a robot. “Stroke the core of my womanhood,” she murmured as she no longer controlled her thoughts and urinary bladder. The philosopher looked at her with a disgust that was walnut-husk hard. “Leave!” He ordered. “Leave or else!”; “I don't like the sound of that,” she philosophized in a manly, but strangely unmasculine way. Suddenly, like a bomb going off without warning, a huge hose explosion happened. Kandee was thrown 700 feet yet landed safely on a massive bale of cotton at the Q-tip factory. “Man,” she opined, “how lucky was that?!” Coincidentally, the  philosopher lay beside her, stunned. “Place your hand normally where your foot is,” Kandee instructed, “and ****** rhythmically.” In doing so he was healed & redeemed. “Save for me a seat in Heaven because I'm going home.” ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Bathing our chihuahua's a divine experience because He's the Lord
Jesus Christ from the Bible; so ******* or I'll **** you 'cause God is
my doggy's daddy & He can shock your *** to death with lightning!
Taking a leak on the floor in the automotive aisle at the next-to-the-
last Kmart got me thinking about how far they have fallen since '04
when they purchased Sears & about how much Kmart's automotive
aisle reeks of just-****** ****. There are many things in this life that
I'll truly miss: chasing a mouse behind Kmart, ******* in their auto-
motive aisle, porking the managers & stealing packs of Swiss Miss.
My blood cells are fine, I assured the Girl Scout whose cookies laid
pre-cooked on a luncheon table ready for the fiery oven for no retail
price or nothin,' making me want to pour batter for a cherry muffin.
Betty whipped out her in-patient **** to whip ****** Dracula silly,
as he ain't never been so wanked before over sick Betty's wet *****.
are exacerbated by alcoholism.

✨✨✨ America's whiners should attack the Illuminati bankers for the wars & environmental havoc they wreak, not the rice farmers of Laos. The fish rots from the gut.  Pass away, crap away, give away, mince words & meat, live the life what befits a healthy liver; row beyond the breakers and U-V-W experience the cope in Copenhagen, the hag en Copenhagen and the nausea that Copenhagen tobacco and seafaring missions to Ft. Lauderdale invite. Learn what being alone in a boat is really like. Listen with the ears that tempt, and ripple over in wax & polish. Liken it to being alone in the company of America's most-trusted cancer specialist. Does my imposing size impose upon you? Are not my dogs dampened by the rain? Don't let good people in who are entrusted by the government to ****** eyeballs, inspect uteri and introduce mercury into the bloodstreams of our wee ones. ✨✨✨
Tessa Sofia Oppenheimer, woogie life in the ghetto is 9% lollipops
with heat rashes awash in Boone's Farm Sunshine Pink wine & bad
cranial trauma that radiates electro-kinetic pain to the lumbar spine.
Never wear a venomous snake as fashion accessory even
w/mouth securely taped or muzzled. And, of course, never
use snakes as enemas or at least be very careful for God's sake.
   In instance of snake bite:
1. Run like hell, like you would if you were on fire.
2. Exercise vigorously to “walk” the poison off.
3. Change into loose clothing & **** white under drawers.
4. Eat plenty of vegetables but no snake meat!
5. Remove enema snake.
6. Insert new enema snake.
7. Get it on with neighbor chicks in heathen snake dance ritual.
8. Befriend discount *******.
Great times they were wolfing foot-longs with 3 lesbians who rent-
ed a massage parlor from my uncle's criminal Cuban neighbors and
their ******* cousin who'd lost a left arm in post-U.K. Hong Kong.
102 · 2d
A Normal Future
My ancestors are dead. They remain as ancestral specimens interred far & wide. There are no viable ancestral human relics to confirm Darwin's contention that there has been an excruciatingly-slow simian-to-human transmogrification of our species. So far, the Western world's producers (tax-payers) have spent countless billions of dollars promulgating a pro-eugenics' "science" with 4-color illustrations & plaster-of-Paris models of pan-headed, proto-human freaks. The ultimate goal of evolutionism is to destroy traditional Western Civilization.
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