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Fool, who do you think you are,
with work a-piled,
bills and papers two stacks deep,
that you could write poetry
while others soundly sleep?

Fool, by what god-given right,
by what impulse idiotic
do you have leave to scribble words
that tarnish the evening, disturb the night?

Fool, what do you think you know,
what voices do you hear,
that raise you up, disturb your flows,
compelling you to write without fear?

Foolish thoughts, ghostly mind noises,
incomplete visions of words unspoken,
“I love you” uttered but once or twice,
and then as just a token, penance for what?

Fool wakes up screaming
“I do do love you,”
but you cannot hear yourself,
cause you confess to caring, lacking

So, lest the world I do wake,
poetry by night, I give and take,
writ in quiet silence, and do not disturb
my hauntings, by it
somewhat soothed, less perturbed

3:00am 8/26/93
**** stuff from my yout
I don't believe in soul mates
What I do believe in
Is people that connect
On some deeper level
Immediately upon acquaintance
And not meaning you agree
On where to eat for dinner
But the connection where your heart
Seems to slip out
Of your rib cage
Because it's found a home
Outside of your chest.
To all these fragmental gods
I left hanging in ropes
when it was my turn to walk

dwelling in pain of past
stroking ego,
as orange became withered rose,

lost ground inhaling presence
in forgetting these strings turned messing
for transmittal.

I am sorry.
 10h Caroline
There's a part of me that's
Always craved death
The tumble into
Any unknown
Sounds nice
When the
So much
Back then
I dreamed of
Beds of nails that
I would fall into like
A Mortal Kombat fatality

A dramatic finish
But instead I keep fighting
Fun fact: I once went to UVA law school on full tuition scholarship. I was asked to take a medical leave of absence after my 2nd suicide attempt. After that I traveled and taught the LSAT for a while and then became an actuary. Now I'm on disability until October after which who knows what I'll do...
 20h Caroline

This cavernous space creates an echo

bouncing emotions against bared walls

that resonates in my heart,

loneliness rest on these halls,

where wandering ghosts freely roam

the empty spaces.

August 21, 2019
“I have poured my heart out ….
And now I am empty.”
― Ranata Suzuki
 23h Caroline
It's not in my heart
Or my mind
It's beyond my lungs
My veins & my flaws
It's beyond it all
The pain is deep inside
As if my body leads
To the entrance of another world
And it hurts because it's never
Been discovered
It's shiny and new
Full of nature and bloom
My pain lives alone
Beyond my ability to explain
I am tying up loose ends
making amends,
reluctantly parting with the bend

all to walk upon the straight and narrow.
she will end this affair
she has listened to what
everybody says
she’d allowed him to control
her in oh so many ways
raking over the warm ashes
of the love she believed
that they’d known
she realises now
how high the flames of
his suspicions have grown
igniting those volcanic
eruptions of doubt
she had ignored
she reaches the end of her tether
and finally allows the fire of their love
to simply
Burn out
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