My Self love
will be the best love...
...but your love
was the worst drug
For a brief moment in time I fell in lust
But tried to convince myself I'm in love
We frolicked in our absence and presence
of pain and pleasure
I felt the current of our destination drifting us to the middle of the ocean
Where finally only the one who wishes to swim out of the drift
Would need all the strength to swim back to shore
Learn to know the love you need and want
No matter the unintentional desire
Or self destruction will become your best and only construction
I see you!
My past, my pain, my former shadow!
The vessel of my existence but the emptiness of my soul!
I see me!
Enveloped in false aspirations of gods, kings and legends
But there are no more than men who walk among the same muck that YOU and ME have between our toes !
I see us!
Never the butterfly from the cocoon
But YOU a moth to a moth... from ME a moth into a moth... to US a moth is a moth.. I am a moth... and will be a moth.
I see them!
Whispering... consprising... admiring... desiring...
Yet they look like YOU, sound like ME, move like US, act like THEM but ask who am I ?
I see I...
Holding a knife...hands and face covered with blood...breathing heaviness and relief...
You're dead ! Finally !
I see YOU in the mirror. Feel ME in darkness. Hear US in my head. Speak to THEM when they want. But never believe in I.
They are all me who I only see but who am I is still my misery/mystery ?
I was born
I must live
But when will I die ?
I don't fear death
I welcome it with
With open arms
In fact... I ask for it...
Only wishing for a
A peaceful slumber
Not a violent dismiss
A kiss of death
Not a psychedelic cataclysm
But the black dog that used to be down the block
Now I hear him daily running a mock
No cage or chain can keep him in place
He finds his way always confronting my face
With endless thoughts racing my mind
Encapsulating my soul which I'm still yet to find
Deafened by words of unworthiness
Death beats loudly on the door calling for my answer !
Let me... drop...
You were hidden in a place I thought strong enough to hold you...unable to give me pleasure nor pain. Now that you roam free...
You swing from a pedulum of death and life...
From sunset to sunrise and sunrise to sunset...
I softly lay my lips on yours
With eyes shut and only the sound of my raging heart calling your name
Our toungues wrestling like komodo dragons
With blood rushing through every inch of my veins
I dig and scratch my fingers into you back
Trying to claw my way into the very essence of your soul
I pause and push you gently and become lost in your pale blue eyes once more
I see the ocean...the sky...the stars...and reach again as your pupils dilate
My body pulsates as I call your name
Like a man drowning in the ocean
Please stop...I softly whisper in your ear
With my last breath...as death do as part
— The End —