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FOD Nov 2019
It’s all i want.

But i’m not worth what i want.
FOD Jun 2019
You’re like a candle in the rain when I miss you.
I know I’m heavy and I’m broken but I still need your help.
You’re like a coffee shop day dream when I’m with you.
You know I’m trying really hard and you see footsteps behind me.
FOD Aug 2019
I’m getting therapy
FOD Jul 2019
I'm sitting by a phone at 7:30 in the morning, but I know you won't call until 1:00
I don't know why I wait here every morning, because the outcome is always the same.
I think I just miss you.
I think I get scared.
Because sometimes I think you don't miss me at all.
FOD Nov 2019
I felt alone all day to day.
I felt all alone when the sun went to sleep.
I felt all alone when nobody wanted to notice.
I feel all alone more than ever right now.
i felt like this when i woke up. not your fault.
FOD Jun 2019
She has coffee eyes
And the summer night sky
Is blessed when she looks upon it
And the stars in space
Mirror the freckles on her face
As I sing her a song or a sonnet
Her words dance
And they put me in a trance
While she makes me smile forever
She rests in my arms
And I keep her safe from harm
As I hold the universe together.
She is so sweet in summer and I love her so much. The night sky is breathtaking, but it still only comes in second. Her smile puts all of my fears to rest, and I can never seem to thank her enough. So if you are reading this, this is for you. “I love you” never seems to completely describe how I feel about you so I tried to put it into a poem. You deserve every star in the universe and I wish I could give them to you, but for now you have to settle with this poem. This is all yours. My gift to you for being so lovely.
FOD Jul 2019
A million little things are adding up on top of each other.
And they pick at my thoughts like bugs crawling under my skin.
A million little things have me writing letters to myself.
Asking why your distancing yourself, then saying i don’t blame you.
A million little things are making me seem so ******* clingy.
I don’t ever want to loose you, and i’m sorry if i’m too much.
A million little things are making me sound really stupid.
I just look into things too much, I know that you love me.
i know you love me. i made the mistake of taking a million little things to heart. i’m sorry for bugging you with my stupidity. i’m sorry for complimenting you too much. i’m sorry for sounding clingy. I just love you so much.
FOD Jul 2019
I ****** up.
To be fair, you did the same thing.
But i did it knowing the consequences.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry your love is a *******.
I’m sorry I can’t make good decisions.
I’m sorry for robbing you of my your summer.
I’m sorry for not thinking ahead.
I love you.
i really just wanted to spend more time with you.
FOD Jul 2019
I can’t do this.
I’m not ready.
Everyone hates me.
I hate me.
I’m sick.
I’m lost.
My knuckles hurt.
My walls are broken.
My skin is open.
My problems are still there.
I can’t do this.
I’m not ready.

But I can try.
FOD Aug 2019
A night only lit by a tv screen
and movies we didn’t watch.
A kiss shared in confidence,
and my fingertips on your neck.
An exhale of pleasure, followed by a smile,
and butterflies in my stummy, as your hands run through my hair.
A night that scared me in the most beautiful way,
And a girl to share it with makes me feel so alive.
FOD Aug 2019
Go to hell.
You can be two faced there.
My skin is made of paper and your words are open flames.
And don't you dare tell me you love me with the same tongue that burns me.
yeah. ive felt this for a while. I drafted this months ago but I held my tongue. nothing has changed. youre a *****. to the girl i love, to the friends i love, and to me. You dug yourself into this hole, and im not getting you out this time.
FOD Jul 2019
I’m gonna do it on thursday.
FOD Dec 2019
Even when i'm harmless,
you treat me like a gun.
FOD Dec 2019
Christmas has never felt so ******* lonely
FOD Sep 2019
Dodging questions like bullets
Leaving silence after sorry
We're going around in circles
Your unspoken hatred haunts me

I do my best to ignore it
I know it's all in my head
I'm painting you pretty pictures,
And I'm drenching them In red.

There's no hope in your voice anymore,
There's no point in running from failure,
Whats the point in fighting back,
When we both know were lost.

Where would we be If I wasn't a mess?
I'm sure it's close to better off.
Where would you be if I never ****** up?
I'm sure it's close to happy.
Don't take this to heart. this is just me arguing with my bad thoughts. i wrote this song to show that I know its all in my head. that its all just depression talking and that there is still so much left.
FOD Jun 2019
It was late and it was doomed from the start. I don’t know what to call it but I didn’t like it. I was mad at the world and I put the burden on you. I just want you to hold me when I’m feeling blue.
not your fault. i love you
FOD Jun 2019
I hate watching myself slowly **** up all of the good things I have in life and not being able to stop it.
FOD Jul 2019
I just wanted to call because your miles away, but my ******* mistakes made you put down the phone. I just wanted to hear you because I miss you like hell, but i’m starting to think you don’t feel the same way.
FOD Oct 2019
Funny how he is the one you tell me not to worry about...
FOD Jun 2019
When the world was split in two I dug my nails into the earth and pulled the continents together so we wouldn’t drift apart.
When the sky was crashing down I put my palms against the clouds and I pushed up with all my strength just to win over your heart.
When the sun faded out and we were left in the dark I set my poems and writings on fire just to keep you from the cold.
When the thunder woke you up and the lightning burned the forest I played you all of my songs to protect you and gave you safety to uphold.
When the world was quickly ending I tried my best to keep you safe, but you never seemed to want me. You pushed my help away.
FOD Aug 2019
Her strength is in her patience and she shows it in a smile, while she sits across from me in my room while i’m sobbing.
She holds me trying to calm me as she tells me how it’s okay.

She dances on the line of me breaking and me broken.
FOD Dec 2019
As soon as you hung up I started to cry.
I needed to talk to you but I could never keep you up.
so I sat in my room alone.
And I cried as the cold cut my skin.

And it felt normal.

And I deserved it.
FOD May 2019
Just keep your feet on the ground, I’m getting tongue tied.
I keep forgetting to tell you what I wrote down.
So hold my shaking hands because I’m tired, love.
So keep my thoughts in check, because I’m getting worse.

My friends keep telling me it’s my fault.
My faults just keep on adding up.
I’m sick of ******* up.
I’m sick of ******* up.

So please back the *******, Im tired of your complaints.
I’ll paint my walls a different shade of black just to shut you out.
I’ll blame my mess on you and then pretend I’m ****** at you.
I’ll pin you down with my bad choices and then strangle you alive.

My friends keep telling me it’s my fault.
My faults just keep on adding up.
I don’t want to **** up.
I don’t want to **** up.
FOD Aug 2019
Perfect pitch hurts like a *****.
FOD Jun 2019
I hate feeling lonely.
FOD Jun 2019
Why the **** can’t I be normal
Why the **** can’t I have fun

I feel so ******* isolated when I’m surrounded by my friends.
And I think it’s because my friends show the truth.
They would rather cause drama than talk to me at all.
They would never even be near me if I didn’t buy them concert tickets.

I’m finding comfort in loneliness because there’s no one left to turn away from me.
FOD Sep 2019
You haven’t written in forever.
I miss it.
a lot.
And if you look back through your old poems, you see that they’re all blue.

Did I make you stop?
FOD Aug 2019
We’re more than them,
at least  I thought.
I didn’t know you felt that way.
As if all I want is your touch.
Do you not know that you are so much more than that?
You’ve changed your name,
You’re writing fears,
You’re unsure of our bond.
If it makes you feel better, I really do think we have something that goes beyond kisses.
I really do think we are better than the fights.
I’m sorry you don’t feel the same way.
FOD Nov 2019
"please don't laugh at me when we talk."


She laughed anyways.

"It makes me feel like you don't care"

"I'm sorry"

She laughed anyways

"I have told you this thousands of times"

"I know. I'll stop"

and she kept on laughing.
FOD Nov 2019
You speak impetuously
Daggers form on your tongue
They cut me open and leave me shaking.

I have my thoughts
You give them truth
I can taste your feelings in your kiss
FOD Nov 2019
Go ahead.

Write a poem about it.

We both know I was wrong.
FOD Jul 2019
I think I'm afraid to see you.
I don't want to **** up our reunion.
In my mind it's perfect.
In my mind I'm not sad.
I would run up and hug you,
And everything would be fine.
But I'm feeling so ******* depressed.
I dont want to make you sad.
FOD Jun 2019
Is it that I scare you?
Is my judgment too sharp?
I know It sounds stupid to be upset about,
but this is the second time it has happened.
The second time that someone I love has been in fear of my judgment.
I do my best to tell you how much you mean to me.
I to my best to create a safe space for you to come and hide in.
But no.
It’s fine.
I’m over reacting.
I can learn to cope with the fact that I scare the ones I love.
I just wish I could hear a loved one sing once.
i don’t know why this got to me
FOD Aug 2019
I'm depressed.

You Depress me...
I let you Depress me...
I let Depression get between us...

I'm Depressed.
FOD Jun 2019
If I could,
I’d stay up forever
Just to make you smile.
i love you
FOD Jun 2019
If only you could feel how I felt.
There wouldn’t be any confusion.
If only you could feel how I felt.
Your writings would sound a lot different.
FOD Aug 2019
You say it’s to help me.
To keep me in check.
You haven’t seen the patterns Ive dug in.
My wall has kissed my fist millions of times, my door is slammed shut because of you.
You say it’s to help me.
To keep me in check.
I’m crying and shaking in bed alone.
FOD Dec 2019
I take you like a drug,
Like a needle to a vein,
I let you swim inside my soul,
I let you rush into my brain.
I lock your name inside my ribs,
Like keeping love inside a box,
I stitch your words into my skin,
I live for you at any cost.

And I know I’m a bleeding heartache,
And I know I’m blind and lost
But with your body right beside me
I love for you at any cost.
i love you so much
FOD Aug 2019
"I love you" sounds good when I'm listening to your sweet and stuttered -  breaths.
Kissing the spots on your neck that make you start to smile.
Holding your head to my chest and thinking "You're all I need",
But never muttering the words out loud.
Because you already know.
My delicate fingers trace the invisible lines that run along your soft skin,
like highways beneath my over-sized tee shirt that I let you wear.
The words from the lips that will tease me with a kiss,
"I love you" sounds good when were alone.

"I love you" sounds good when You're sitting across the table,
Staring back into my eyes after laughing at a ****** joke
Ill take a sip of my coffee and hold your hand on top of the table
And well talk forever about each others lives.
We revisit old memories while making beautiful new ones
And Ill struggle to listen because I'm too busy thinking,
How good you look now under these tacky diner lights
"I love you sounds" good on a date night

"I love you" sounds good when I'm feeling broken,
and my eyes start to water and my hands start to shake.
I tell you how its my fault, how I'm just another mess,
and you hold me in your arms and keep me from drowning.
I've had a rough day,
and I need to break down,
And then I see you smile,
And everything is fine.
"I love you" sounds good when you're on my side.
I love you too.
FOD Jun 2019
I'm on the 11th floor
Staring out of windows
Because it's better than staring at walls.
And I'm listening to your songs
So I can miss you more clearly
Because missing you is better than missing out.
You're a summer stranger that I know so well, and I want to lay next to you so you can play with my hair.

Missing you tastes like bitter Boston coffee.
FOD Jul 2019
I'm in love with Bella Caglar.
FOD Sep 2019
I feel like the itching beneath your skin.
I'm hated by you.
You're annoyed by me,
But you can't seem to get rid of me.
FOD Jun 2019
I don’t understand how someone can beat the **** out of you and then you can keep crawling back.
i don’t understand you at all
FOD Jul 2019
Tonight was perfect.
Arctic monkeys in the background.
Us together on the ground.
Smiling uncontrollably.

You, my dear, are perfect.
You make me feel loved.
You make me love to love.
You make me feel okay to feel good.

Thank you for everything.
FOD Aug 2019
If looks could ****, you took my life, you made my heart beat race.
If looks could ****, you took my life, you have such a pretty face.
you are so ******* pretty.
FOD Jun 2019
I know how deep these roots can grow, and I know I can never change them. But next time when you're feeling down, remember that I wrote you this poem.
I call you pretty every day because I want you to know the truth.
These plastic models on Instagram have nothing on your beauty.
You're belly button is adorable, that's why I poke it so much. I'll stop if it makes you insecure, but know that I do it out of love.
Your body sets the standards for me, and nothing will ever compare. A girl that fits perfectly in my arms is a girl who outshines the world.
You unintentionally exaggerate thought because the world has sent you fear. But the only thing anyone thinks when you walk into a room is how beautiful you are.
You are so ******* stunning, and I love you to death. I know this won't change how you think but at least you know how I feel.
FOD Aug 2019
The truth is that deep down I knew I didn’t deserve to see you.
I didn’t deserve a resolution.
FOD Jun 2019
There are scars that I wear that are close to my smile, and the claws that gave them to me are close to your heart, and they have scratched you and torn you and left you for dead but you crawl back for more because she is still your friend. And I respect you for it. It makes me proud. I’ve written poem upon poem of how I wanted to fix the beast that gave me my scars, but I could never find it in my heart to go back for more blood. But you are kind. You love all. I get so ******* jealous of your happiness and I feel like something is wrong. Like I’m the burden, like I’m the mess. And we share the same friends but they like you more, and I’m just a tag along who is there for show, and if the unspeakable happens, and I’m left alone I don’t think that I will find any way to cope. I’m so ******* afraid of so many ******* things, but I’m too much of a coward to even tell you all of my fears. I don’t want you thinking that I’m ****** up in the head. I don’t want you thinking that I’m crazy. I’m not. I don’t hear voices in my head at all. I rarely hear the voices of my friends at all. And I don’t want to put pressure on you. I hope that you know that. I’m just over reacting to my little thoughts. I’m so ******* jealous of the smile you wear, but there isn’t a face I know that could wear it better.
i think i’m okay
FOD Aug 2019
Your happy box is bigger than most.
It’s true.
The little box that lies in your heart and holds your smiles and laughs is bigger than most.
Your happy box is decorated.
With flowers and sunshine and little hearts.
And there is no lock,
because it is open to the world.
My happy box was normal sized.
But my sad box was larger.
And I kept it locked.
Only you had it’s key.
You would open up my joy, and fill me with memories.
And then it grew.
With every hug it got larger.
With every kiss it grew more colorful.
And now my happy box is bigger than my sad box.
But my love box is bigger than both.
i love you
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