i
feel
you
when i see two strangers
holding each other tightly
on the corner of H and 4th
your lips next to my ear
and eyes open wide
its like you never left
but only for an instant
and then the train rolls past
and the signal turns
and i am off to Giant
to get maseca

i remember a friday
when i was ten, or maybe eleven
i was in love with a girl named lyndsay
not that i ever said anything to her
she was dating chad, an utter douch
i was smart
i could explain gravity
but i couldnt run
or kick a ball
so i did my school work
and daydreamed about the day
when i would be the coolest person in the room
simply because i was smart
and then one day, lindsay gave me a gift
a 50 cent bag of popcorn
she told me she got it just for me
so i thanked her, and went back to my desk to eat it
in the first bite was a piece of chewed gum
i couldnt spit it out, that would be rude
so i swallowed it
and cursed the parent volunteer who had been so careless
with their gum
twenty one years later
sitting on the toilet
it occurs to me that maybe lindsay deserved chad more than i knew

I’m an awkward guy
I know it
But when I tell you that I love you
It feels so mundane, cliche
Everyone says that
Everyone uses that word
It can’t possibly mean all of the things that I feel inside
So when I say it
I say it in a cutesy voice
Because inside
My heart is screaming a million things at once
And the closest translation
The only translation available
Is
I love you.

its been a tedious day
after five classes
and an extra rehearsal
almost 200 students
full of energy that is hard to
tame.
thinking back
i dont remember it being this hard
things have changed
things are different now
the older teachers say it all the time
i remember it too

for a moment
i stand in the bathroom
just to breath
and stare at my reflection
the man in the mirror
looks foreign to the man inside my
head.

old
fat
bald
my face could never lie.
what happened to the
man i thought i would be?
i guess no one gets to be
happy at work
but i thought i would come
close.

i can hear each drop of rain smack the hard concrete
hundreds of them, one after the other, i am surrounded
by them. swat the fly away from my merlot and take a sip
so many raindrops, i smell them in the air, thick and heavy
my mind wants for nothing except more wine and the company of
the one person who makes me feel
normal
accepted
exhilarated
adventurous
the wind picks up, the rain falls, i can feel the droplets in the air. the flies are persistent, they can smell the wine and it draws them closer until it kills them, and they float in it upside down in circles. i see myself
floating
upside down
in circles
watching my life slip away
as the wine drains away
it pulses with the beat
until there is no more
the flies are gone
the cup is empty
the rain falls
but there is
only silence

how many millennials have sat on
east village stoops
wearing thick rimmed glasses
reading intelligent books
and smoking fine cigarets
and asked the question
what is love  
only to regurgitate some
half digested vomitus
about oneness and spirituality

what is love other than a feeling,
the feeling of never wanting to be without
You