I must ruin your fantasies now
because there will never be beauty in such pain that makes you want to set yourself on fire
No beauty in having the power of making your parents think you are not safe if you do not pick up your phone or in causing them to have panic attacks every time you lock the door
There is no beauty in having a chance and not taking it because there is something wrong with you and you feel so ungradeful because no matter how messed up you might be, many others have it worse
There is no beauty in wanting to get cancer and die so you wouldn't have to do it yourself because it would hurt others less
There is no beauty in the chaos of staying in bed for weeks in a *****, messy apartment and lying about your life being in order
There is no beauty in sleepless nights
Eaten up by ether pain and guilt or numbness and debating whether you should let yourself live another day because you sure as hell know you are what people call a parasite and you don't deserve to be significant to other people
There is no beauty in being a coward and doing absolutely nothing with your life when there is only one thing you have to do, yet you stay in an overly expensive apartment all by yourself wishing you could just hit the reset button and maybe be born as someone else or not at all
There is no such thing as beauty of madness and there never will be beauty in being me.