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  Jul 11 Cat
Aubrey
young girls and women stay in toxic, unhealthy relationships because they think it’s love.
we call getting scolded in public for walking too fast love.
when we hear “you’re not going out in that, you want attention” we think, “wow, he thinks i’m so beautiful, i’m so in love, he wants me all for himself.”
no. he’s not being protective and he’s not in love or he would proudly hold your hand with a smile on his face, but more importantly a smile on your face down that sidewalk and not worry about whether your shirt came up a little too much past your belly button or if your shorts were too short, who cares? you thought. but you change because you think he loves you.
but you shouldn’t be tugging at your shirt the next time you wear it out again, you shouldn’t be throwing those shorts away because of a man who doesn’t know what love is.
laughter and bliss is the medicine. you both would agree.
so forced happiness and smiles is what the world sees. you know that.
fake social media posts about how their man treats them so good and it doesn’t get better than him and how they are so happy, the happiest they’ve ever been. so so happy.
the people closest to you see otherwise.
i know those songs will remind you of him, i know how long it took you to put together a playlist, knowing he wouldn’t appreciate it as much as you would have liked him to. i know that scent you smelled reminded you of him and that certain time of the year is painful because that’s where it all started.
you and him.
the chaos.
hurt people hurt people.
you both poke and say the things knowing it’s gonna hurt there.
you use words like weapons until one day, the hurtful stinging words aren’t enough.
your arms are pulling back, ready to punch, hit, whatever is spitting out those disgusting words.
then you both realize..
the person who you thought was your protecter, your friend, a role model, is none of those things.
they want to see you cry because then they know, they are in control.
that can shape you and form you into whatever they want.
you let them because you think it’s love.
to the girl wondering why she isn’t enough, to the girl crying off her leftover mascara from last nights arguments.
to the girl who thinks she will never find better because she’s convinced she is so in love with a boy who will replace her the next time she walks out because her instincts tell her to.
he doesn’t love you.
he will say he’s only human and everybody make mistakes.
he’s not love.
your gut is trying to tell you that you are not happy.
please listen.
those moments of anger are going to keep happening.
he will do more and more to hurt you and he knows he can because you let it happen.
you let it happen.
nobody is left to feel bad for you anymore.
because in the end, you let it happen.
this is a sign you need to walk away, i know there were some happy moments, full of laughter but remember how he never wiped your tears away or how he kept doing the one thing you said not to do. how he yelled so loud knowing you hate loud noises because they remind you of the painful times. how he made you do the things you didn’t want to do. how you thought you were saving a falling angel but you didn’t see how the demons were smiling at your cracking heart when you leaned in for a make up hug...
how he left your soul cold.
remember the nights when you couldn’t fall asleep because you knew he was getting over you and it killed a little piece of your heart.
you kept killing your heart and now you’re scared of letting your fragile walls down for someone else but you don’t wanna know someone else.
to the girl with tears in her eyes looking at a phone screen reading this
take a deep breath.
leave.
don’t look back.
stick to loving yourself until someone that knows how to love, that is capable of true love comes to save you from your suffering.
you will find love,
heal yourself.
find yourself.
to me:
read this again please,
and remember the hurt.
A.
leave and stick to it.
  May 7 Cat
Kaitlyn Marie
I've met people I didn't think were human
and I've broken the human in me trying to figure them out
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