i watched
the trees blossom and grow
after winter slowly let them go
i saw them greening
and i wondered
why everything around me
started to live again
whereas i seemed
to die once more

i offered you my weakness
and you comforted me
while getting consumed
by my demons

how could i
hurt you
like this
how could i make you handle
my craziness

i beg you
forgive me
please
forgive me

there’s nothing else i could say
because even an 'i love you'
won’t make you stay

your promise said
you would be there for me
anytime
so i guess
you just happened to fly away

but tell me
how does it feel
to be so high
yet
too far away to hold me

you know
i’d always fall into your arms
as if i wasn’t able to breathe
and you refilled my lungs
with the sweetest air
i ever tasted

oh
how far does my love to you
takes me

art
is

disruptive
destructive
irritating dismantling

it is pure chaos
within an ordered mess
it is deadly vivid
leaving me obsessed

poetry is art
art is poetry
what am i aiming for
how come i can't see
what i 'm chasing
here

breath hasten
thoughts loosen
words crafting
pen moving

this blank sheet
i fill up with my fear
nothing artistic
rather sadistic

tell me
how many poems
does my pain demand
to sometime
sound like art

i can't control my feelings
rather
my feelings control me

seemingly i am
the byproduct
of all that burning

lately i'm so much around love
to realize that i've never been in

i would tear off my limbs
crawl in front of you
bow my head
and ask

- what more can i give you

and i would cut out my eyes
find my way to you
bow my head
and ask

- what more can i give you

and i would rip out my heart
serve it on a plate
bow down
and ask

- what more can i give you

no matter what you requested next
you would get it
and if you’d requested my life
i would be the happiest
to give it to you
to give it to the person
who owns
my body
heart and
soul

because it feels like
you're drowning
not being able to breathe

you're drowning
but you just can't
die

you got me into it
and i trusted you
i thought i would be fine

but it shattered me
left me in p i e c e s
and i let you break me
time and time again
because i thought it was love
and that you'd keep me sane

when you in fact suffocated me
with the same hands
you'd traced my skin
telling me i was the most beautiful
of all your secret sins

finding beauty
in something
requires attention
first

but paying attention
is a step
most people
skip

somehow that left me restless
since you told me
i was beautiful
way too thoughtless, way too often
as you could have payed attention

one of the most
ridiculous parts of my existence
is the irony
i feel in my blood
thickening it
as if i have honey in my veins
some hidden sweetness
under this rotting flesh
since i'm technically alive
but secretly craving death