Lately, I keep wishing to go back to when
Before the old me went missing
I’m afraid to live because falling is not pretty,
Now, I am wasting borrowed time not living.
And I don’t know when I will feel cleansed again
To say the least, I’ve been feeling broken for a long time
Living as I do is not living.
I want to come out and do it all
But I am scared,
Scared I wasn't strong before,
Scared I won't be strong today.
As I said bye to my dying self,
I promised to never feel this way again.
To never betray myself again.
To never cry tears for this again.
Because I deserve so much more than what I got back
I don't know how to let go of my past
For I lived 18 happy years by myself.
And I don't know who the new me will be,
But will living with pain be part my new life?
Or will my pain come to an end too?
It's a long way to fall
An even longer one to climb back up.
And when our fault finishes us,
We will be given life again
To carry on,
In this journey without destination.
Can't wait till my bones move again
Can't wait till my eyes see again
Can't wait till my heart pumps blood again
Can't wait till my soul feels happiness again
2015. Part 2 of my Suicide Hike Collection. The story picks up where Suicide Hike left off. Enjoy. Comments, Likes, Opinions welcomed.
No knock, knock
Just a text
Come on in
Up the Stairs
on the bed
Hey, by the way,
"What's your name?"
"Want a drink?"
The radio playing
Pull em down low
Down the stairs
And out the door
Baby, take a look at the mess you just made
Shattered windows shattered bones
Around this place
And the holes you made and left on my chest
Of love keep on flooding this place
There's nothing left for me around this bed
Waking up by your side is waking up and it’s still night
I asked for older and rotten is what I got
Baby, take a look at our nuclear mistakes
We launched missiles and fired tanks
We were toxic we were flame
I lost my heart fighting to stay
Life is like a suicide hike,
Although it's a beautiful trail
It's scary to think one day we'll fall.
We fall because we walk on edges,
Some worth walking on, some not.
Ultimately, we learn from both.
Be careful who you choose to walk with,
Be careful who you choose to sit with.
Because they may just push you off
And way down you'll be falling down.
But sometimes it wasn't them who pushed you off
But it was them you thought would help you up.
And when we've hit our lowest point in life
We start looking for the root of our pain,
But it's dark and empty, it stings we feel lost.
It's no paradise down here, the pain feeds on our strength.
It's a tragic accident that breaks all of our bones.
With no paramedics or anesthesia, we've got to operate ourselves.
We don't know which injury is killing us more,
But we know a slow death is coming for us.
Our blood no more, regret is what the heart pumps now,
We scream and cry away our mistakes
But down here is a curse playing our fall in a loop,
I don't know when it stops
I'm drowning myself in my pain.
I've stained my soul with too much hate
I'm no longer the person who I used to be.
I've been down in the dark for too many days
But when I start my hike again
I hope to go further than yesterday.
— The End —