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318 · Feb 2022
The Shape of My Grief
Penny Feb 2022
My grief is a bus on the wrong side of the road,
I didn't see it coming
And neither did she.
My grief is the consoling, warm mug of tea.

The shape of my grief rolls down my throat,
It's scratched all over the words that I wrote.

My grief is a fence with flowers and cards,
It shakes in the wind when cars drive past.
My grief smells like rain,
My grief sounds like fireworks,
The frenzy, the lightshow, it brings back my pain,
Light up the sky and show me where it hurts.

My grief and I spend time like old friends,
We laugh,
We joke,
And she yells when I poke.

I poke and I **** til I rip her to shreds,
My grief is old
And my grief is new,
It drips in bright red,
And it scars where it grew.

My grief is tearing me from the inside out.
My grief smells like old stale blood,
My grief is a slow drip,
My grief is a flood.

My grief holds my hand in the hospital chair,
My grief grips my stomach,
My bones and
My hips,
My grief grabs my throat and tightens its grip.

My grief is the words I'm writing now.

My grief is these words I can't say out loud.
277 · Jan 2021
January
Penny Jan 2021
Newborn January
Shrieking and wrinkled
A new chance
A first breath
All the possibilities
Held tight in a little shaking fist.
241 · Dec 2019
December
Penny Dec 2019
December is my favourite shade of lipstick
When I'm wrapped up
And my rosy smile is all you can see
Or shimmering
Like my skin
In my sequin dress
190 · Aug 2021
The Crossing
Penny Aug 2021
There are flowers all over the road
They are everywhere
Scattered
Flung in the wind
It's like a wedding
Or a blossom tree in the spring
Silk all around
Crushed under car tyres
Sprinkled on windshields.

Whenever I come here
All these flowers
Deep red roses
Like blood spreading,
across the dual carriage way
Cars rush past
I push my hair from my eyes
and the flowers are
Eleanor

And she dies all over again
180 · Nov 2019
Girl
Penny Nov 2019
******* the other side of the road
Why are you staring? Why not come over?
Why is there blood trickling out of your nose?
How come without moving I feel you get closer?

Girl about to take a step forward
One foot on the pavement and one on my chest
What use are the flowers, the tears, the kind words?
What does it mean to someone who's dead?

Girl with a face blurred in traffic
Why can't I see you? What are you doing?
Don't call it grieving. Don't call it tragic.
I see you wherever I look, bloodied and ruined.

Girl who is here. Girl who is gone.
Tell me which one of us needs to move on.
81 · Jul 2020
July
Penny Jul 2020
He's humming a tune
A melody
A ditty
It's familiarity warms my skin
On the tip of my tongue
Like melting ice cream
It washes over me
This song called July.

— The End —