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14.2k · Oct 2018
The scariest part
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
You asked
What is the scariest part?

I answer
The scariest part
is not the feeling of loneliness
or the darkness that fills you
despite the looming pain
of emptiness

The scariest part
is the realization  
that you have lost yourself
completely
sinking in as you lay awake
at 2 AM
because you lost the ability to sleep
and you can't even cry
because you don't even care
1.6k · Oct 2018
....Roses are red....
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet
and perhaps you are too,
But the roses have wilted,
the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl is empty
And your wrists are stained with red,
The sun isn't shining,
The sky isn't clear,
there's no silver lining because your gone
Rain keeps pouring,
There's no end in sight,
you're standing there frozen
so far from the light,
Your beauties unreal,
your smile the sun,
but time can't be turned nor your actions undone,
The words you wrote that only I read,
"I love you so much, please don't cry when I die"
A bond that we formed,
a love that ran deep,
a pain that we shared,
a friend I could keep,
I wanted to hold you,
wipe the tears from your eyes,
been there the moment you said your goodbyes,
I want to forget but sometimes I don't,
I want to let go,
but I know that I won't,
Tears on my face,
memories burned in my head,
The roses have wilted,
The violets have died....
1.6k · Oct 2018
Understanding Monsters.
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
It took me seventeen years
to understand
what they meant
when they said
That the monsters don't live
under beds.
909 · Oct 2018
Can't run from it
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
Can't run from it
Always a step behind
The worst is that i'm trapped
In my own mind

The end is near
I can't keep trying
Stop asking if i'm okay
I'm tired of lying

My fake smile is getting heavy
Eyes can't hold back
My mind has won
Done living in the black

Going through the motions
It's almost time to quit
Most fear death
But others pray for it
629 · Oct 2018
Medicine
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
A row of bottles on my shelf
Cause me to analyze myself
One yellow pill I hope to pop
Goes to my heart so it won't stop

A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they don't shake
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me im happy when im not

The purple one goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain
The capsules tell me not to sneeze
Or cough, or choke, or even wheeze

The red ones, smallest of the all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange one's, oh so big and bright
Stop my leg cramps in the night

Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ill's
But what i'd really like to know
Is what tells each one where to go.
455 · Mar 2019
It's Just Sad
Lil Lalo Mar 2019
It's just sad
That when I push people
Away
They just go
And don't even try to
Stay
336 · Sep 2018
The Mermaid
Lil Lalo Sep 2018
Oh the ocean waves may roll,
and the stormy winds may blow,
while we poor sailors go skipping aloft
And the land lubbers lay down below, below, below,
and the land lubbers lay down below.
317 · Oct 2018
The days
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
Today
Is the day
To stop pretending
That you are okay
With not
Being okay

Yesterday
could have been the day
You lied your last
"I'm fine"

Tomorrow
could be the day
you actually
mean it

If you do not
Pull the weeds
In the garden
The flowers
Will never
Grow.
316 · Sep 2018
Moonlight
Lil Lalo Sep 2018
Like a Shadow in the moonlight
Like the whispers of the seas
Like the echos of a melody
Just beyond our reach
In the shadow of our sorrow
Past the whisper of goodbye
Love shines through eternity
A heartbeat from our eye.
Lil Lalo Jan 2019
There is a desire that resides deep within her soul to run away.
To escape to an unknown future.
To wander around eternally, without destination, without home in sight.

It is always there just beneath her skin, humming in her veins, vibrating on her bones, just barely on the back of her mind, always withing gasp.

To carve a new path. To start a new adventure, a new life. To change her name, her looks, her identity, and personality. To forget. To go somewhere where no one knows her. To start all over again. To never look back.
274 · Nov 2018
You did this to her
Lil Lalo Nov 2018
Are your jokes still funny now?
The shoves, the trips, the sadistic grins?
You stole everything from her
Your words tore her fragile being to shreds
Because of you, she lost her soul
She lost her heart
She lost her will
She lost her joy
You killed her in every way but physical
But yet your mouth hangs open with shock
When you discover her,
bleeding on the ground,
content smile on her lips,
Two feet from the school building
Every bone in her body broken
You did this to her
You killed her mind,
her will to live,
And now her body has followed.
236 · Oct 2018
Closure
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
If you're going to
Leave my life
At lease close the door
Behind you
Because the cold winds
Still rush through the door
And linger around my home
Leaving an eerie chill
That just reminds me of you
And of course I get curious
So from time to time
I follow the footsteps
You left behind
And each time I see you
You seem
Perfectly fine...
219 · Oct 2018
Giving up
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
Feeling hollow and weary
Fighting a duel with an invisible enemy
Everyday is a battle to feel alive
And now, i'm struggling to survive

Life is the sleeping at night
It's the only time you have peace at mind
But death is the working at day
Where you feel the pain that always stay.

Home was like a prison
I can't feel the love anymore
****, don't know the reason
Just please, leave me alone

I really wanted to tell you, my friend
But I decided to just keep it to myself
The girl who always makes you laugh
Is now on the verge of giving up
217 · Oct 2018
Generation
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
Welcome to our generation
Where kid's pretend to smile
They pretend to be happy
When in reality
They're broken
Beat,
hurt,
Tired,
And they just want to die.

Welcome to our generation
Where kid's self-harm
Starve themselves
and make themselves throw up
The generation that tries to die.

This is our generation
The generation that want's to hide
The generations that want's to die
190 · Oct 2018
Depression
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
Living with Depression
Is like watching people around you
breathing but instead

Your blue lips inhale
Words of self-hatred
And you know you should
Be able to fill your
Lungs
With fresh oxygen
Like everyone else

...But you can't...

And the worst part is
People mistake your chest
Frantically rising up and down
as breathing
when really you're
...Suffocating...
177 · Oct 2018
Red lines...
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
He was asleep beside me.
I leaned into his side
and kissed the outline of his jaw
and the tip of his nose

I took his hand in mine
and brought it to my lips
feeling the rough skin of his palm
and I pushed up his sleeve

In the darkness of the bedroom
I looked down at
the lines melting into his soft skin
the red ones overlapping the white

And I suddenly knew
I knew how sad he really was
I knew he wasn't fine
when he said he was
166 · Oct 2018
On The Rocks
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don't try to convince me that
There's something good in everyday
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in awhile
Satisfaction and happiness don't last.
And it's not true that
It's all in the mind and heart
Because
True happiness can be obtained
Only if one's surrounding's are good
It's not true that good exists
I'm sure that you can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
It's all beyond my control
And you'll never in a million years hear me say that
Today was a good day.
Now read it from Bottom to Top.
158 · Oct 2018
.Life Struggles.
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
We are the Music-makers
And we are the dreamers of dreams
Wondering by lone sea-breakers
And sitting by desolate streams
World-losers and World-forsakers
Upon whom the pale moon gleams
Yet we are the movers and shakers
Or the world forever it seems.

With wonderful deathless ditties
We build up the worlds great cities
And out of a fabulous story
We fashion an Empires glory
One man with a dream, at pleasure
Shall go forth and conquer a crown
And three with a new songs measure
Can trample an empire down.

We, in the ages lying
In the buried past of the earth
Built Nineveh with our sighing
And Babel itself with our minds
And O'er-threw them with our prophesying
To the old of the new world's worth
For each age is a dream that is dying
Or one that is coming to birth .
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
If you choose to fall in love,
Fall in love with a writer.
But know you will live in the pages
of a poem, Linger in the words
of a song, Be engraved
in the ink of the plot,
Twisting your fate and heart
into a tempestuous knot.
If you choose to fall in love
Fall in love with a writer
One who will hand you
The world, drawn and painted
in the metaphors of a troubled mind.
Where nothing is simple, not even a line.
If you choose to fall in love,
Fall in love with a writer~
Your life will never be the same
They'll weave stories of yesterday
in the webs of your hair.
Breathe the sky of the morning,
Lure you to their lair.
So if you choose to fall in love,
Fall in love with a writer.
One who truer will never be
Fall in love with a writer...
A writer like me.
142 · Oct 2018
Meant To Be
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
You were my breath
of fresh air until that
moment I exhaled you

I saw that I tainted you
Ruined you beyond repair with
such little effort

It was then
That I realized I was
Meant to be

.....Alone....
Nobody cares anymore....I sit alone in my room wondering what Love feels like.
140 · Oct 2018
Love Struck
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
I tried to forget
But you grew roots around my rib cage
And sprouted flowers
Just below my collarbones
All day I pluck their petals
But I have not yet ascertained
Whether you love me
Or not.
140 · Oct 2018
Anticipation
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
Anticipation of loss or
Agony of return--Which emotion
Runs deeper through your bones
Depends upon your perspective

The promise of redemption is sweet
Because we lost everything, My son.
But was the fall fortunate for us?
Was it good for God's work to be undone?

I will say we shouldn't have tasted.
I will say we didn't have to eat.
I will say this lamb never needed to die.
I will say we know a different perspective.
136 · Oct 2018
I wonder...
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
I wonder if anyone else feels the same way...
I wonder if Love is a game to others....
I wonder why life pulls me down....
I wonder why bad things happen...
I wonder if GOD is even real....
I wonder why im sitting here writing this....
Am...I the only one?
Tis this only a joke?
....Is life worth living?
131 · Oct 2018
Sheer Silence
Lil Lalo Oct 2018
You just sit all alone
Somewhere, where it's still dark in the day
Sheer silence and
Your screaming demons
Which have now become your
BEST FRIENDS

Darkness is now what you seek
Hoping somewhere,
It'll fill your cheeks,
But daily as you sit and
Not break those self created walls
Life goes by
While you just fall and fall

— The End —